Shadows and Secrets

Chapter 2

"Az?" Elain's voice sounded through the haze of my emptiness.
"I'll see you around Elain." I said with the coldest tone I've ever used around her. I turned and walked through the open front door. I would catch up with Rhys later. I began to walk through the streets of Velaris. Being a sunny Saturday afternoon in early May, the streets were full of shoppers, but none of them payed attention to me. I needed to get some air. A mating ceremony. She was going to officially be his mate in exactly a week. There was a permanent hole in my heart now. A hole when my love for her once lived, but had been obliterated on the spot once she told him she would be having a mating ceremony with Lucien. I once believed I would have some chance with her, but now that she had accepted this bond with Lucien, I couldn't allow my heart to have even a small portion that belonged to her. She would now just be Elain. The female who had shattered the shadowsinger and spymaster's heart into millions of pieces.

I continued to walk through the city until the sun dipped beneath the mountains. Fae would start coming out for a night of partying, but I was in no mood to party. I trudged my way back to the house of wind, where I lived with Cassian and Nesta. They would both be out tonight celebrating Elain's and Lucien's mating bond. I had been invited, but I didn't want to celebrate the mating bond of the female who had destroyed my heart. I flew up to the roof and walked my way down to my room. I got my shadows to go to Rita's to keep an eye on things there. Knowing my friends, they would all be too drunk to function by the morning, so having the peace of mind that I would be alerted if they were in danger soothed my racing thoughts.

The next six days were filled with preparations for the upcoming mating ceremony, which I had also found out was doubling as a wedding. I had to help since it was my duty as a member of the inner circle to arrange an event as big as this. I was put in charge of sending out the invites. Since the ceremony was at such short notice, my shadows were the only way to send the invitations across the courts and receive responses quickly. I didn't speak to Elain once in the week where I was helping plan her mating ceremony. My broken heart couldn't handle it. I knew I no longer loved her, but being around her was still difficult for me.

By the time Friday night had cam around, we had managed to pull together an elegant mating ceremony which was going to take place at sunset the next day. We were all eating dinner at the river house, no excuses. Rhys made sure I attended. Whether anyone had noticed my attempt to avoid the couple, they didn't make it apparent to me, and my shadows confirmed that my secret love for Elain was still a secret. I had successfully managed to avoid eating dinner with the others all week, but Rhys and Cassian forced me to endure one dinner with all of them.

Dinner passed, and I had managed to sit as far away from the couple as possible. I was sat next to Armen, who could tell there was something was wrong with me, but made no hint of it to the others. As we finished off dessert, I stood up abruptly. "I'll be leaving now. I have to send shadows out to make sure no one attempts to sabotage tomorrow." I said walking across the dining room to the door.

"I'll walk you out." Elain followed me to the door. "Az, you haven't talked to me since Saturday when I told you my mating ceremony was tomorrow." Elain said to me once we were out of ear shot of the dining room.
"I've just been busy Elain." I respond, focussing on getting to the front door. I made it to the door, Elain still following me. I walked out into the street.
"We all have Azriel. Everyone else has still talked to me. You used to always talk to me. Tell me what is the matter. Why won't you talk to me Az?" Elain was still following me. I could sense her desperation for answers.
"Elain, you're kind and sweet and Lucien is extremely lucky to be mated to you." I told her knowing I would never be able to tell her the real reason why I had been avoiding her. "You will be happy. Lucien was the best choice. You two belong together and I wish the best for both of you."
"Az, please. Tell me why you have been avoiding me." Elain continued to follow me down the path.
"I've just had a lot on my mind and I've been busy. Good night Elain. I'll see you tomorrow." I finished. I then winnowed back to the shields of the House of Wind and flew to my room. The last I remember of her face before I vanished was a look of confusion and hope that I would talk to her again. I didn't sleep that night. I just stared at the ceiling hoping that Elain would be happy and that my heart would recover.