Shadows and Secrets

Chapter 13

The next morning, met Bel for training. She was warming up when I walked onto the roof. "Are you ready Bel?" I ask her.
"Yes, don't go easy on me Az. I want to actually experience sparring. Not someone going easy." She tells me.
"Are you sure?" I ask her. "I don't want to hurt you." She hadn't seen me properly spar before.
"I'm sure. I need the experience." She responds.

We walk to the sparring ring and stand opposite each other. "Ready?" I say to her.
"Ready." She responds.

We begin to spar. I don't remember much from that moment onwards. I remember her carrying out the variations I had taught her and me blocking and returning with mine. She didn't block all of them. I felt bad for hurting her, but she kept on going. A few minutes later, I won when I pinned her to the floor. "Well done, Bel. You lasted longer than I expected. Are you ok? I'm so sorry." I say to her as I help her to her feet.
"I'm ok, you don't need to apologise." She says as she gets herself a drink.
"You've progressed really well Bel. I think it's time for me to step back with your training. I've been training you for the last month, and I think Nesta will finish off training you well." I say to her.
"Why can't you train me anymore Az?" She asks.
"I need to deal with some personal matters, and I don't want me not being around to affect your training." I say to her.
"Is everything ok Az?" She asks me, looking concerned.
"Yes, I just need some time away from the city. I won't be gone long. I'm leaving later on today." I say. I had no clue where I would go, but I needed to clear my head.
"So, is this the last time I'll see you for a little while?" She asks me.
"Yes, but I'll be back soon." I say to her.
"So I guess this is goodbye for now," she says, "I'll miss you Az." She walks over and kisses me on the cheek.
"Goodbye Bel." I say as she walks towards the door.
"Goodbye Az."

I fly over to the river house to speak with Rhys. I need to let him know that I was leaving. I up the path to the river house. Elain in the front garden tending to the flowers. She turns when she hears my footsteps on the path. "Hello Az?" She greets me with a large smile.
"Hello Elain." I respond.
"I haven't seen you since you got home with Bel." She says to me.
"I've been busy." I was debating whether I should tell her about my old feelings for her as I was trying to get my emotions straight. If there was a time to tell her about my old feelings for her, it was now, "Can I tell you something Elain?"
"Of course, what is it Azriel?"
"I'm trying to sort my emotions out and I need to get one thing straight with you Elain. I was In love with you. Ever since I first met you, I had been in love with you. I had thought there might have been a chance since you were rejecting the mating bond with Lucien, but then you started to fall in love. When you told us you had accepted the mating bond, my heart shattered, and I stopped trusting my heart. I wanted you to be happy, so I didn't say anything. I vowed to myself that I would never fall in love again, but I have found my mate and fallen in love again. I have began to trust my heart again, and to start to get my heart and emotions under control I just had to tell you." I tell her. I feel the air thicken around us.
"I'm so sorry Azriel. You should have told me sooner. I could have made it easier on you." Elain looks as if she is about to cry.
"It's fine, I'm leaving the city for some time. Elain, don't tell anyone what. I just told you. Not many others know this. My mate doesn't even know that she's my mate yet."
"I won't. I won't even push you to tell me who your mate is. Just I wish you had told me this sooner." I can sense that she is getting annoyed that I hadn't told her and she didn't know I was in love.
"Don't be annoyed Elain. No one knew for years."
"I'm annoyed that I once felt like I could have had a chance with you. I was once in love with you! I tried to make it work! But you seemed so distant, so I fell in love with someone else!" She is actually crying now.
"You were in love with me!" I shout. "I'm sorry that I'm not the best at expressing my emotions Elain!" I walk towards the house.
"Az, wait!"
"It doesn't matter anymore Elain, we have both moved on."
"Az, please wait."
"I'll see you around Elain." I say as I was through the front door, leaving her in the garden.

I stalk up the stairs and into Rhys' office. "I'm leaving, I'll come back when I'm ready." I say to him.
"Is everything ok Az?" He says looking up from the paper her was studying.
"I just told Elain about my old feelings. I also need to get my emotions straight. Protect Bel for me please." I tell him.
"I will. I'll see you when you're ready." Rhys says.

With that I leave the house and winnow into the middle of a wood miles away from Velaris. I was finally alone. For the first time in my life, I cried.