Dancing Melodies

6 | Paris here we come!

As time went on I questioned myself daily. I was now questioning my sexuality. Usually I would talk to Richard about my struggles but since this topic may change things between us I decided to not tell him. It was not sure what I felt. Somehow I didn't like seeing myself as gay or something. I'm actually really surprised that Richard came out like that cause I would never.

—
Today was the day, the band went to Paris for the huge party. We used our private jet to fly to Paris. I arrived at the airport where I talked to Flake, my band member and friend. We were waiting for the rest of the band.

F— "I'm so excited for the party! We put so much effort and money into it... it should be unforgettable"
P— "Yeah it will be, trust me"
F— "So do you have a date for the party?"

I smiled awkwardly since I wasn't even sure who I was into

P— "Well uhm no..."
F— "Oh damn that sucks, I think all band members have a date except Richard and you then"
P— "Wait really? You have a date?!"
F— "Yeah I do"

I was surprised since flake was kinda of a nerd and not the type of guy to date many girls, but I was happy for him

P— "Oh congratulations then!"
F— "Thanks, you know you could go on a date with Richard since both of you are single" he joked

I blushed a little and laughed awkwardly

P— "Oh haha but I'm not gay so..."
F— "Aw you two would look cute though"
P— "Flake you— ugh just shut up..."
F— "Pfft alright"

—
Finally the rest of the band arrived and we flew off. I sat down next to Richard in the jet. Luckily Paris wasn't far away from Germany so it was only a one hour flight. Still, it was boring as hell. I grabbed a magazine and started to read it. The magazine was about models. I looked at every single woman in there but someone none of them attracted me. Some of them were even half naked and it didn't trigger me. It was weird. "What the fuck Paul... what's wrong with me...?" I thought to myself. I didn't understand why I didn't like any of the women. I closed the magazine and sighed. Richard was sleeping next to me and he looked so cute. I looked at him and my cheeks reddened a little. I quick realized and shook my head. "Ugh... fuck it! He's your friend not your crush!" I thought to myself again. I was so confused by these feelings. I didn't understand anything but I had no one to help me out either. I hated it.
—

We arrived in Paris. The city is so beautiful it was really nice to be there. Paris has been a wonderful city for the band since we also have a lot of French fans. The first 3 days after our arrival we had to organize everything for our huge party. Luckily we also had time to explore the city a bit. The band went to the Eiffel Tower and also visited some very delicious restaurants. It was great. The time in Paris however didn't help me from my thoughts. I was still thinking about my sexuality daily and someone I didn't accept myself as 'gay' even though I am not homophobic. I just felt scared that people will laugh at me or something...