dear diary,
Drum roll pleaaaseeee. 🥁
I bought a car! Alhamdulilah! Never thought id buy myself a car! Alhamdulilah x1000 :)
It's not anything major. Just a car to get from A to B. Has a few issues and I'm only a student working part time but I've always wanted a white vw polo so im thankful, a car is a car and I managed to do it. It's an achievement for me.
With regards to A, like I said ages ago, I lost a little respect for him for the way he went about things, and how he treated me. Respect can be gained again, depending on how things go. He's doing Ramadan, which I respect and he's respecting my religion .
the hurt he put me through was completely undeserving.
I used to think so highly of him and when I think of the happy and kind memories i don't want to believe that's the same person.
I don't want to associate those "hurt" feelings with him cos we have happy / kind times but he did what he did.
Hopefully I'll think of good memories and happiness soon associated with him like I have in my videos and pics of him that I have. I like those videos. I keep getting snap memories of this time last year or this time time two years ago, and todays memory was of me and A gone out for bubble tea. I've taken a video of him with our bubble tea and he walks back and he makes a joke something like Hands off or whatever. Omg speaking of, I had the nicest bubble tea last night I love the brown sugar flavour.
So yeah anyways, things will get better and they are better, but for now I'm just living my days and seeing what each day brings me. people who treat me however they wish —> 🚪
Just be good, kind and respectable, stick to your word . Be a gentleman. Or a woman. Whoever you may be.
ive been focussing on being happy . Ive been having fun, all with people who make time and care about me, even small things.
Music (although I've been trying to cut down music during ramadan a little and listening to the Quran during ramadan and classical music like Einaudi and my piano playlist and I find it so relaxing), windows down, friends, long drives. Nothing like a bit of throwback songs with your friends wherever. Have had a lot of these nights and been having fun and it's so refreshing to have this version of myself back.
The same goofy me, hyper me, chilled me.
People in work have asked to hang out later outside of work. Apparently I'm "witty" lol. I think I just say whatever without thinking and sometimes it comes across as ditzy but when it's a 12 hour night shift, I chat the most 😭😂. One night some one was going "tick tick tick" I was like oooop careful don't say that around a Muslim 😭😂 It's all fun lol
I am so proud of myself wallah. I have worked incredibly hard the last few months in terms of everything and I couldn't have done it without those closest to me. and I can truly say, you do see results.
I have felt at peace this ramadan. Genuinely.
I've been trying to do one thing during Ramadan and that's to listen to the Quran more. Or read.
I love being an auntie or a khaleh (which is the word for auntie in Persian). I love her so much. She wakes me up multiple times during the night but I don't care cos it's her lol.
The relationship I have with my sister, I'm there. She's my sister. But I can't forget the past so easily and so soon. It'll take time.
Birthday list that I'd never ask anyone for:
- Private number plate (it's expensive for me right now) and I'm really worried someone else will buy it before I do . This is at the top of my list right now. It'll be ages until I can properly afford that.
- spa day!!! have wanted one forever. I love massages and really want one at the Celtic !!!
- My favourite perfumes: angel mugler and ysl Libre (mainly ysl)
- (I still get Brazilian waxes done, so an endless subscription paid for my waxes would be nice lol, its so worth it tho). Ive also always wanted a manicure.
- want my hair done
- oh polly dress (for my party, I am comfortable with my figure Alhamdulilah, would be nice for a party).
- karting againnn
- a surprise , I love being surprised. Because it's very rare someone goes out of their way to surprise me. Last year was the first time I was surprised. My friends threw a surprise party , I cried so much when they did that and in afrikana with A
- Colleen hoover layla book or any book 🤓
- anything to do with stars and space and moons and planets lol. That buy a star or piece of moon would be cool
- Morrison donuts ; it's been ages since I had them
- Black Forest Cadbury chocolate :(
- snickers ice cream
- new privacy screen cos I cracked mine and phone case cos the ADHD in me broke mine from fiddling with it
- happiness always and a calm soul.
I try not ask for anything, I try and do things alone and buy things myself. but it would be nice to feel appreciated and cared for, just for a day.
I have bought my niece a baby walker (she hates it lol) and it's my mums bday tomorrow and she deserves the world so I've tried to make things special (I dont have much but I'll always spoil my mum). One year I blew up 100 balloons over night and stuck them on the ceiling so when she woke up she saw it all.
Obviously racism is inexcusable, but the phrase "they come over here and steal our jobs" is one of the worst things to say. My mum worked night shifts, was a student and a full time mum of 3 kids under the age of 10, with no family or friends here to help, all at the same time. So she was a student mum working night shifts. My dad has worked extremely hard from a young age, and has had to move away, to provide.
I'll forever be grateful for their discipline and hard work. They're my biggest inspiration and if I'm half the people they are when I'm their age I'd be grateful.
but like I said, id never ask anyone to buy anything on this list for me, because my friends and family are my greatest gifts anyway. and health and happiness.
https://www.virginexperiencedays.co.uk/special-offers
I'm just living and vibing with life now. 🩵🩷
bye diary.
