Dear diary,
I have no idea what to do for my best friends birthday. I have about 19 days😬 I'm normally really good at gifts and parties. But I genuinely don't know what to get her, she has everything.
Last year her other friend did a spa day for her so idk if she'd want that again this year.
There's a few good things on the website virgin experience days and there's like spa days in London or night out and stuff or adventure stuff. There was even a Lake District thing and I made a mental note for myself.
But like, I just don't know. I remember one year she really wanted this clothing thing and it was sold out EVERYWHERE. I remember looking at the website every single day and other multiple websites until it was finally in stock. It was absolutely priceless when she opened her gift.
I just want to wow her like I did with the other gifts I've gotten her. She deserves everything. I want to give a meaningful gift, and something she'd like.
I can't afford a crazy amount this year. Uni and placement fees be draining my bank. So I can't get her expensive bags that I know she likes.
I even tried to sus out her favourite restaurant the other day so I could plan a surprise meal and take her there but it was something minor like steak out or something. I mean I'll take her there but still, that's not enough. Urgh idk.
I know her man is gonna wanna celebrate on the same day so I'd have to do it the day after or something.
She made me a hamper once and it was so thoughtful and everything I would ever use. There was even a £10 bubbleology gift card she got me and I used that fully. It was all so thoughtful. I might do that for her. I got her a Nando's gift card with other gifts once cos she loves Nando's 😂 I won't do that this year lmao. I have an idea of what she'd like, so I think I know what to do. I also went to her house and surprised her with massive balloons once, might do that too. She surprised me at my door the other week with cookie dough. She's always thinking of me bless her.
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Fasting was so hard for me today. I have fainted once so far this Ramadan and bumped the back of my head. Was so swollen after 😩 mum thought I'd cracked it cos I have in the past. I'm physically quite weak like I get very anemic. My eyes have been going so black lately and so light headed I have no energy. I could break my fast because you aren't allowed to fast if it's affecting your health but we don't have many days left of Ramadan so I'll keep persevering. I get really cold and my lips go so pale cos obviously it's a lack of red blood cells :/ no wonder we aren't allowed to fast when we are on our period cos I think I might die😭
I want my hair done. I defo want keratin treatment. I was reluctant and still am a bit because it straightens your hair and I like my wavy / curly hair but there's no harm in trying it once. I've beeen back and forth with dyeing my hair but I've decided against it. I don't want to bleach my hair. Really want a manicure done too. I might do that this week just to treat myself.
Hair treatments are so expensive. If anyone would like to pay for my hair then that would be lush lol.
I've picked out dresses I want to wear to my party. I'm stuck between two. But I'm gonna wear a deep red💋 gonna be a pretty big party I think. Exciting times 💅🏽
I can't believe how fast it's come around.
Tbh I still want to be surprised for my birthday. I literally don't care what it is, could surprise me with a card. Anything. I just love surprises. I'm a sucker for them.
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My neighbour reversed into my car and I'm not gonna lie I had a good cry. I know it's not a great car, it's second hand, it's old. But guess what? I have worked pretty damn hard for it during the toughest time of my life this year, I've barely had it a month. So it got to me a little. I know these things happen and I know it was an accident, i could have done it to someone else. I get it. But it really got to me. All the sleepless nights I had going straight from uni to work then back to uni, trying to keep myself awake during the lecture. It's not easy. And no one can say I don't work hard because I proved it to myself and everyone else. I am a hard worker and can be self disciplined when I want to be but it was unhealthy and I deteriorated but alhamdulilah I managed to get something I liked.
It's my first proper car. Tbh I cried when I got it cos I missed my Fox and felt bad for it lol. I hold a lot of sentimental value to things and I have a lot of memories in that fox. So I want all the repairs and everything to be done properly to good standard. It's only right and fair.
So I appreciate him helping me.
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"I don't care what you think of me"
All that undeserved hurt I went through. The pain and tears. To the point my parents were comforting me. I didn't deserve even a fraction of what he did. I didn't deserve any of it.
How could you care and love someone and still put them through that and not care about how they feel or how they even perceive you. I find that beyond words . Arrogant a little.
I wish things were better for us but it needs to be reciprocated. Not draining my energy. Not getting myself hurt again. I won't let it happen. And if he cares about me, he won't hurt me again. Tbh I shouldn't have been hurt and disrespected in the first place. At all. When I think about what he put me through I feel so angry. He should feel angry with himself for even hurting a woman like that who's never done anything to hurt him. I'll never understand.
He used to kiss my eyes. He probably doesn't remember. But he'd kiss my eyes. And he would wipe my tears away, and kiss my tears. He's the same guy that caused the tears.
I find it hard to believe that's the same guy. He will never know, ever, what he put me through. I remember thinking if I'd ever forgive him. I just don't care anymore. Because I'm not getting myself hurt. If he treats me with respect and love and care from now on, I've got nothing to worry about, but he put me through too much for me to let go so easily of the past. Doesn't work that way at all. I know my worth. A man needs to know and appreciate his woman's worth and show to his girl that she's worth even more. I also need accountability. Every human needs it.
I think he knows deep down it was extremely uncalled for. And if he doesn't at his age? Then idk what to tell you honestly.
I don't think anything phases me anymore. If you disrespect me, I'm not gonna get upset anymore.
And honestly you should feel disgusted to treat someone like that. Because I found it and find it truly disgusting if you're okay with treating someone like that. It's a major reflection of them. I'll just go on about my life. If you hurt me deep enough, I'll potentially never view you the same, and it's a shame really. cos you did it to yourself. They're the one that ruined what we had and ruined themselves.
There's only so much hurt I can take from one person. Karma is also real.
If you own up to what you did. Acknowledge it. Apologise. Make effort and undo things. I respect it and will change how I view you. That's what a man is. To value your woman. To know when you're wrong and apologise and change. The same for a woman. Anyone. I admire this quality. I don't like prideful / egotistical people
But words are just words. Actions are loud and clear.
No message is a message.
Don't play people. It's disgusting. Be ashamed.
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Brother ewwwww. Have you heard that meme??
It's a Muslim meme that went viral and now everyone's saying it😂
Basically. It's my reaction to anything from now on.
You got a bad personality? Brother ew.
I acc can't stop saying it 😂
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I still want that private number plate but ya girl can't get it yet cos money don't grow on treeees.
Got a few plans planneddd. I deserve to be happy and want nothing less than that. The start of this year was my final straw and I'm not tolerating anything less than respect ever again. The start of this year was shocking through no fault of my own. Unfortunately.
But I'm excited for the rest of the yearrrrr yeehhhhyhhhh
A guy in work was saying how he sometimes misses his ex even tho he's in a long term relationship. I explained to him how wrong that was? How unfair that is on his current gf. If you think about your ex, and still talk to your ex in a relationship then leave and don't call yourself a man. That's emotional cheating. I had to spell it out to him. Just even thinking about another girl. Nah you know where the door is, leave. I'm not tolerating that personally
It's a cruel world and good people deserve good people.
