Only we Know

Chapter 8 Vulnerable

As I stood there in the middle of the woods, I couldn't help but feel completely alone. The darkness that surrounded me was absolute, and I could barely see my hand in front of my face. Every rustle of the leaves and every snap of a twig made me feel like prey, waiting to be taken down by a predator. Fear consumed me, and I couldn't shake the feeling of being completely vulnerable.

For as long as I could remember, I had wanted to be a strong, independent woman. But as I stood there, alone and scared, I realized just how dependent I had become on Lennard. I had wanted to prove to him that I could face the world and step out of my comfort zone, but the reality was that I couldn't seem to do it without him. When Lennard and I separated, my whole world came crashing down around me, and I felt like something was missing from my life.

As I looked around, I spotted a nearby cave that seemed like it could be a good spot for me to stay for the night. I made my way towards it, hoping that it would provide some shelter from the storm that was starting to brew. The rain started to fall, and I shivered from the coldness that had settled into my bones. The darkness seemed to reflect my feelings of hopelessness and loneliness, and I couldn't help but pray that someone, anyone, would find me and help me.

*

As we sat together on the park bench, I couldn't help but ask

"Lennard, do you think in the future we will be together?" I said, my voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

"Why do you ask, Samantha?" Lennard asked, his eyes meeting mine with a curious expression.

I hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to express my thoughts.

"Nothing, Lennard. Why would you want to be with me? I have nothing to offer you," I said, my voice trailing off.

Lennard took my hand in his, his touch warm and comforting. "I don't want anything, Samantha. All I want is you, exactly as you are, with all that you are," he said, his gaze unwavering and sincere.

His words brought warmth to my heart, and I couldn't help but smile at him, feeling a sense of relief that he felt the same way as I did.

*

"Samantha! Samantha, wake up!" I heard a familiar voice as I tried to open my eyes. I was tired, cold, and soaking wet due to the heavy rain. I couldn't think straight due to exhaustion, and my body felt weak. As I slowly opened my eyes, I saw Lennard. He looked worried, and I think I had dragged him down into this mess. I tried to stand up, but I was too weak.

"Rest for a while, Samantha. Here, you're cold. You can have my jacket," he said, taking off his jacket and placing it on my shoulders. He rubbed his hands together to create some warmth and then placed them on my back to help me warm up.

"Let's wait for the strong rain to stop. For the meantime, let's focus on keeping you warm," he said, trying to comfort me.

I looked at Lennard's face. He seemed tired, but he kept pushing himself. He gathered some twigs and dry leaves and started a fire to keep us warm. The sound of the raindrops hitting the leaves and the crackling of the fire was the only thing we could hear. The silence was killing us. It felt like the past was holding us, and the present we were like total strangers.

"I'm sorry, Lennard. You put yourself in this mess again because of me," I said, trying to compose myself, but the tears kept coming down, blaming myself again.

"It's okay, Samantha. Don't be sorry. What's more important is that you're safe," he said, looking at me with those sad eyes.

What have I done? You're no longer the Lennard I know. It's my fault since that graduation day. I was so naive and selfish. Even if I say sorry to Lennard, that's not enough. But if he only knew my side, he could forgive me. My hopes of being together with Lennard were shrinking.

"Samantha," he called me with a deep, sad voice.

"Yes, Lennard?" I asked, hoping to hear what he had to say.

"I saw you in my dreams again. It was like every time I closed my eyes, you were there, haunting me. I remember holding you a little tighter each time because I knew that when I woke up, you would be gone and the reality of being without you would hit me all over again. It's strange how the two of us failed, isn't it? You couldn't stay with me, no matter how much we tried, and I couldn't forget you, no matter how hard I tried. It feels like we were always meant to be together, yet fate had other plans. Now, here I am, tears falling from my eyes as I relive these memories. I wonder if you ever dream of me like I dream of you." Lennard's voice was heavy with emotion as he spoke

"Lennard, I'm sorry," I said, trying to approach him, but he stepped back.

Lennard spoke with a pensive tone, his eyes revealing a deep sense of pain and regret.

"After everything that happened, I finally came to the realization that you weren't the one who caused me hurt. It was me. I allowed myself to get lost in the process of loving you, waiting for you all those years I was alone."

As I reflect on my past actions, I am filled with deep regret and guilt. I know that what I did was very wrong, but at that moment, I thought I was protecting him. I wanted to explain my side of the story to Lennard, but I hesitated, thinking that it wasn't the right time. Looking back, I can see that Lennard was exhausted - mentally and emotionally drained from everything that had happened.

Lennard looked at me with a smile and said,

"But now Samantha, after everything we've been through, I want you to know that I'm happy now. I realize that our romantic relationship is over, but I believe that what I can offer you now is a genuine friendship. I value the time we've spent together and I hope that we can continue to support and care for each other in a different way."

I know that I am the one responsible for causing this damage, and I don't want to make excuses for myself. I know that I was selfish and didn't consider the impact of my actions on others. When I think about it now, I realize that I didn't deserve Lennard's trust and love.

I want to make things right, but I also know that I can't undo the past. All I can do is take responsibility for my actions and try to be a better person moving forward. I hope that one day, Lennard can forgive me and we can move past this together. I blamed myself. What I did was very wrong, but I did it to protect him. I wanted to tell him my side, but I hesitated, thinking it wasn't the right time. I could see that Lennard was exhausted. I deserved this. I think this is enough. I caused a lot of damage, and then suddenly, I showed up like nothing happened. I was selfish. I didn't deserve you, Lennard.

As we sat there in the dark, shivering and unsure of what to do next, a small light appeared in the distance. We strained our eyes to see and as the light drew nearer, we realized it was our rescuer. A wave of relief washed over us and we breathed a sigh of relief. The person approached us slowly and cautiously, shining a flashlight in our direction, and asked if we were okay. The sound of their voice was like music to our ears.

They gave us warm blankets and checked us over for injuries, their calm demeanor making us feel safe and secure. It was clear that they were an experienced rescuer, and they knew exactly what to do. They told us that we were lucky to be alive and that they would take care of us. We felt like we were in good hands.

After the nurse had assessed our condition, we were taken back to the hotel where we were staying. As we settled back into our room, we both felt a profound sense of gratitude for having made it out of that situation alive. We couldn't stop thanking our rescuer and the nurse for helping us. They had gone above and beyond the call of duty.

I realized that we have been through a lot and need to move forward. What I witnessed, and what Lennard said, made me feel like I deserved it all and made me reflect on what happened to Lennard. However, it's time to move on and start a new chapter. We need to focus on the positive and not let the past hold us back