Traffic [Valduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfiction]

Subways

Valkyrie had been in a lot of crappy places. She had been jammed, smushed, jostled, and even carried through the worst environments. There was nothing Valkyrie hated more than to be in a cramped place.

Skulduggery was looking at her. No, he was grinning at her.

There was nowhere worse than a New York subway, Valkyrie decided.

"Wow, isn't this just lovely?" Skulduggery asked.

They were pressed up against one another, though Valkyrie was trying to lean away, slightly. Their legs were still together, and occasionally their knees would knock together.

Valkyrie tightened her hold on the pole. She wasn't sure why the pole was there. It just seemed to take up space. Plus, the tight mass of bodied would stop anyone from falling over.

"Yes."

"You don't sound very excited. After all, how many times are we going to see an underground forest? You need to be a little more enthusiastic."

Valkyrie looked right up into Skulduggery's face, into the façade, and scowled. "People are touching me."

"Mainly me, so it can't be all that bad."

Someone coughed, and Valkyrie imagined she could feel it.

"Why couldn't we have waited until it was later?"

"This is New York—it probably would have just been more crowded."

The train slowed for the next station, and Valkyrie's head knocked against Skulduggery's ribcage. She didn't mind that, but she did mind the man's briefcase that knocked against her legs as he walked off. It had a buckle; she felt it.

"We didn't even get to go shopping."

"You wanted to shop?"

"I... Well, no. I just wanted to get something to eat. But I promised Tanith I'd pick something up for her. Something nice. She gave me money and everything."

Skulduggery raised an eyebrow. "It is sort of—" Someone elbowed him, and he leaned over Valkyrie until he regained his balance. "Your fault."

Valkyrie's head nearly knocked against Skulduggery's chin. "My fault?"

"You fell asleep in the taxi. Had you been awake, we could have stopped and gone shopping." Skulduggery paused. "Oh, dear."

"What?"

"I think someone is attempting to pickpocket me."

"Do you even carry money?"

"I wouldn't get very far in life if I didn't have a wallet on me." Skulduggery wiggled his hand behind him, and there was a sharp yell in response. "My arm's stuck."

"How do underground forests even work?" Valkyrie muttered, not even attempting to put space between her and Skulduggery any more.

"You don't seem to care that my arm is stuck."

"Skulduggery, what would you like me to do about it? I have a man poking me in the back."

The voice from the intercom said... something. Valkyrie wasn't even sure if it was English. She looked at Skulduggery, and he gave a helpless little shrug. The train rattled to a stop, and Valkyrie's head knocked against Skulduggery's chest again.

And then everyone was gone.

Valkyrie took a step back, watching as the people that had been here a second ago escape into the subway station. Skulduggery straightened and adjusted his tie, taking a quick and graceful seat. Valkyrie remained standing.

Nothing happened.

"Uh."

Skulduggery reached up, retracted his façade, and ignored her.

The doors slid shut, and the voice from the intercom spoke again.

And again.

"Names?" it asked again, sounding frustrated.

Valkyrie stared. "Valkyrie Cain and Skulduggery Pleasant?"

The intercom said something else, and then the train was moving again. Valkyrie waited for something else to happen, and when it didn't she collapsed into the seat next to Skulduggery. She could feel the jetlag dragging at her eyelids.

"Do you not know my name?"

Valkyrie looked over at Skulduggery. "What?"

"Just then, when the intercom asked for our names, you said 'Skulduggery Pleasant?'"

"Yes, I, uh, did."

"No, you said it with a question mark. You raised your voice like this?"

Valkyrie was very tired, and she just sort of blinked at Skulduggery. His head turned towards her a fraction, tilted slightly.

Despite herself, Valkyrie grinned and slapped at Skulduggery's arm. "You're such an ass." She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Wake me up when we get there."