Traffic [Valduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfiction]

Subways : Part Two

Continuation of chapter three : Subways. Reread and come back here.

Valkyrie was in awe.

Skulduggery was not in awe. He was slightly irritated.

"So," Valkyrie began again, "you're telling me that you can understand that voice?"

Skulduggery sighed. "My dearest Valkyrie, for the last time: yes."

The voice from the subway speaker blared again.

"What did it just say?" Valkyrie asked, eyes flicking from the intercom to Skulduggery.

"It asked how you can possibly be this dull."

Valkyrie made a face. "It called me boring?"

"Dim-witted, darling," Skulduggery muttered. "It said it's lost."

"The speaker is lost?"

"No." Skulduggery pointed out the window, into the darkness that was the New York subway station. "The train is lost. The intercom is the train."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? That's very unimpressive."

The speaker blared static.

Valkyrie bounced in her seat. "Oh, what it say?"

Skulduggery nodded. "It said that your puny, human body is unimpressive."

"The speaker is a tiny bit rude."

Skulduggery shrugged. "So are you."

Valkyrie sighed. "So, what, are we stuck down here in the sewers? I was promised a glowing forest, Skulduggery." Valkyrie tied her hair back. "My nap wasn't even that good."

Skulduggery crossed his arms and faced the speaker. "Do," he said loudly, "you have a map?"

Static.

"Does it have a map?"

"No."

Valkyrie considered. "Do we have a plan B?"

Skulduggery put his hands on his hips. "I found this mystery, I booked the plane tickets, I figured out the utter and absolute mess that is this subway system, I hailed the taxi; I'm afraid it's your turn for a plan."

Valkyrie looked around. She stood up. She walked over to the doors. She kicked them.

"Open up!"

Valkyrie heard the speakers this time:

"That fucking hurt!"

The subway doors wooshed open. Valkyrie stuck her head out and looked side to side. There was about two feet in between the subway car and the wall. Valkyrie hopped down onto the tracks.

"Right or left, Skulduggery?"

"This is your plan."

Valkyrie turned right and shimmied along the wall until she was free of the car. Skulduggery followed a few seconds later.

Skulduggery adjusted his tie as he looked around. "The subway car told me to pass along a message to you."

Valkyrie perked.

"It said, and I'm quoting, not to shame you or your combat boots, but the subway car said: 'Fuck you and your shitty boots.' Now, I, for one, am a fan of your combat boots. They really hide the fact that your feet are a size or two above average."