Afraid To Lose

2. Therapy

Joe POV

"Alright, your phones charged and you have everyone's numbers if you can get hold of me. Let me know you got there safe and when your finished and I will call you so we talk it through" I say placing my bag by the door and turning to find Hallie smiling at me "what?" I ask

"You worry too much big man" she smiles "I'll be alright and I will let you know when I'm done"

"Yeah well it's because I care" I say "and remember I know these sessions are draining so if you don't want to talk that's fine"

"I know and thank you" she says "now go before you are late, Jon and Colby will be waiting for you. Give them my love"

"I will" I smile as I wrap her up in a hug before finally heading our of the door.

Leaving is something I always hate doing especially when I know I won't be back for a few days. She may think I worry too much but it's not unfounded.

The same thoughts enter my mind everytime I go back on the road. Will she be alright? How we she cope with her nightmares without me? What if she needs me and I can't answer my phone?

At the beginning I had offered to take an indefinite leave of absence but she wouldn't hear it. She didn't want my life to stop because of her, if only she knew that it wouldn't, because my life revolves around her............if only she knew.

"Your late" Jon says crossing his arms and tapping his foot as I arrive

"I know, I'm sorry I had to make sure Hallie was alright before I left" I say "she sends her love"

"Such a sweetheart, how's she doing?" Colby asks

"It's one day at a time you know" I say "she's stronger than she believes she is I just wish I could make the nightmares stop for her"

"That girl is carrying alot of guilt and that is probably why she has the nightmares" Jon says "believe me we'd all take them away if we could but only she can make them go away"

"She'll get there in time" Colby says "all you can do is keep being there for her"

Hallie POV

Walking into the therapists office I find myself mentally bracing myself for what was to come. Another our of reliving that hell, of tears and of course guilt.

So far I felt the therapy wasn't helping but Joe insists it's making a difference and I trust his judgement.

"Ah Miss Holden how are you today?" My therapist asks

"Same as always.......tired and full of guilt" I say sinking into the couch

"It's easy to feel guilty for something you feel you could have changed. It's no so easy accepting there was nothing you could do and it wasn't your fault" she says offering a sympathetic smile "are you still having nightmares"

"Yes, but they are getting better" I say softly "they are easier to deal with when Joe is around"

"Is Joe your boyfriend" she asks and I shake my head

"Best friend" I smile "the night it happened I called him and he got on the first flight to me. He picked me up from the hospital and took me home and he's taken care of me ever since, he calls me after every session and we talk it through. I'd be lost without him he's all I have"

"Has there ever been anything more between you?" She asks

"No never" I say "it's not like that"

"Hallie it's good that you have someone to take care of you but you don't want to become so attached that you can't manage on your own" she says "it's been a year now, maybe it's time for Joe to take a step back and for you to take a step forward on your own"

"I.....I don't know about that" I stammer "I'm not sure I can"

"Hallie one day Joe will meet some one and he won't be able to be with you all the time. You need to be able to be ok with that and not be afraid" she says "I think it's an important part of your healing that you learn to be ok on your own"

"I guess but does it have to happen right now?" I ask "can it wait a little longer"

"The longer you put it off the harder it will be" she says "how about you start with not calling him after today's session. Try processing it on your own"

"Alright I'll try" I say

"Good" she smiles "now let's talk about your brother"

Joe POV

Staring blankly on my phone I was waiting for Hallie's message to poo up so I could call her.

She had let me know she'd got there but so far it had been two hours and no word from her. Her sessions were normally only an hour and I was beginning to worry something was wrong.

What if this session had been really hard? What if she needs me? I have time to nip back to her place before the show but I would have to leave her again.

Tired of waiting I dial her number, it rings out but there is no answer. Please god let her be alright.