Afraid To Lose

3. Time To Change

Hallie POV

After my therapy session against my better judgement I decided to try the therapists suggestion. So I didn't message Joe when I was done, instead I just headed straight home to try and process this myself.

Talking about my brother had been very exhausting. He was always the hardest to talk about because whenever I did I would hear Danny's fiancée Celia screaming at me that it was all my fault, that I must have caused the fire and now I had taken away the love of her life.

For the last year I had racked my brain and gone over that day so many times it made my head hurt. But try as I may I couldn't remember doing anything that would have caused it.

The fire had started in the kitchen according to the report. The one room I know I didn't go in that day. My mom and brother were cooking and I had gone to get groceries. My dad was fixing a leak un the bathroom.

The exact cause couldn't be identified which made it all the more difficult.

Arriving at the house I go straight to my room and collapse onto the bed. I take the photo of my family from my bed side table and hold it close to my chest as I finally let my tears fall.

"I'm so so sorry" I sob " I wish I could have saved you all. You had a whole life ahead of you Danny, you should be living it instead of not being here. Sometimes.......sometimes I wish I had been in there with you, then I wouldn't have to feel the pain of missing you"

Curling up in a ball the sobs shake my body as I begin to cry uncontrollably. How the hell was I supposed to do this alone.

Joe POV

To say I was relieved when I could finally leave the arena was an understatement. I had tries calling Hallie a few times but there was no answer and I just grew more worried, this wasn't like her.

I hadn't even said goodbye to anyone I just wanted to get out of there and back to Hallie.

Opening the front door the house is dark and quiet. I place my bag down by the door and start looking for my best friend. I find empty room after empty room until I get to her bedroom and there she is.

I find her curled up on the bed clasping something to her chest and I immediately know what it is. As I get closer I here her soft sobs causing me to move quicker.

"It's ok babygirl I've got you.........I've got you" I soothe as I scoop her up in my arms and hold her close "I'm here"

"I can't do this alone" she sobs " I need you Joe"

"Why would you think you have to do this alone?" I ask "You will always have me"

"The therapist........she said I shouldn't get attached to you because you have to live your life" she sniffles "she said I should learn to be ok on my own and process my sessions on my own"

"She said what!" I gasp "that is the most ridiculous..........what's her number I'm going to give her a piece of my mind" I growl

"Don't.....please Joe.....if you get mad at her she won't see me and I need her" she pleads

"No babygirl........what you need is a new therapist" he says "we'll find you a better one. How could she tell to distance yourself from your only support system"

"I tried.........maybe if we hadn't talked about Danny" she says

"Damn........she went there today" I sigh "have you heard from her at all"

"No not for a while" she says "I doubt I will she hates me remember"

Hallie rests her head against my chest and sighs lightly as I hold her close to me.
I now understood why she hadn't answered her phone. Talking about her brother had opened the flood gates for her guilt to fully take hold and she was drowning.

I wanted more than anything to take her pain her away, to make her forget for just a moment and I know just how I would do if only I could.

This beautiful, broken, fragile woman meant the world to me. I would do anything for her, give her anything, every little part of me if I thought she felt the same.

"Joe....would it be ok if we don't talk about my session? I'm really tired" she asks softly

"Of course babygirl" I say kissing her hair "I know it won't have been easy, I know how much he meant to you"

"He meant everything to me, the only other person that comes close is you" she says snuggling further into me

"You mean that babygirl?" I ask and she nods "you mean everything to me to Hallie, and I promise you I will never ever leave you"

My response is met with silence and when I look down I see she has fallen asleep in my arms. I had no idea if she had heard what I had said but I meant every word.

Gently I lay her down on the bed and pull a blanket over her before laying beside her and wrapping my arm around her. As I watch her sleep I find myself wishing that she would give me the chance to love her the way I want to.