Afraid To Lose

4. Company

Hallie POV

With Joe back on the road I was back to being alone. While I would lead Joe to believe that I was alright when he was gone the opposite was true.

When I'm alone I don't do so well, there is nothing to distract my mind, the thoughts get louder and the hardest part is waking up from a nightmare with no one to tell me it ok or to hold me while I calm down.

I missed Joe terribly when he was away but I would never let on because I felt I already took up alot of his life and I wanted him to enjoy the job he loves so much.

Unbeknownst to Joe I had found a way of dealing with it, a coping mechanism I guess you could call it and that was what I was doing tonight.

"Good evening Hallie, what can I get you?" The bar tender asks me as I take a seat at the bar.

"Hey Jay, Pepsi and lime please" I smile

"Here you go" he says sliding the glass towards me "can I ask you something? You don't have to answer I'd you don't want to"

"Sure, go ahead" I say sipping my drink

"For months now I've watched you do the same rountine" he says "you come here, have a couple of soft drinks and then you leave with some random guy. Why do you do it?"

"Simple answer.......I can't stand being alone" I sigh "I need the distraction from my thoughts. I guess I just need some one there so I don't wake up alone"

"Alright, but what about the days you don't come here, aren't you alone then?"

"No" I smile "that's when Joe is here"

"Wait....wait......are you telling me that you cheat on your boyfriend?" He asks shocked

"No he's not..........he's my best friend that's all" I say

"Are you sure about that?" He asks "your smile just then said otherwise.........have you ever considered that its not company you need, that it's Joe"

"I know I need him" I say "and he knows that too"

"No I don't mean like that" he chuckles "tell me I'm wrong but I think Joe is more than a friend to you"

With that he moves down the bar to serve others leaving me baffled. By the time I finish my drink I already have the company I desire. A tall handsome man, with long hair and muscular physique had joined me and I knew I wouldn't be needing the second drink.

When he asks if I want to get out of here I simply nod and get up from my seat. Once outside I hail a cab and we head back to my place. I knew how the rest of the evening would go and I knew I would feel nothing, I would just lay there numb and close my eyes as his lips and hands trail over my body. Sex was never what I was looking for, it was then men that wanted that. But it's worth it to not have to be alone just for a little while.

Joe POV

Laying in my hotel room my thoughts are on Hallie and nothing else. How was she coping? Was she ok? What was she doing?

Shed asked me not to call tonight, said she was taking herself out for a little while. It was something she did alot while I was away but I had no idea what that meant or what she did while she was out.

While I was glad she wasn't shutting herself away at the same time I just hoped she was safe and not doing anything too crazy.

"Alright time to git the bar and don't say no Anoa'i. Your girl is out so you should do the same" Jon says throwing my jacket at me

"Alright but just for a couple of hours" I say getting up

"If she needs you she'll call" Colby says as I stare at my phone "you just need to trust that she is alright"

"I know, its just hard you know" I sigh "I'm glad that she's going out but I can't help but wonder.......what happens when she doesn't need me anymore? What do I do then?"

"She will always need you" Colby says "she's told you as much, down worry so much"

"Or he could grow a set, tell her how he feels, get the girl of his dreams and the  he wouldn't have to worry at all" Jon says with a smirk.

Without saying a word I pick up a pillow and launch it straight at him before heading out the door with a Colby.

"Hey! Tell me I'm wrong" he says following after me "tell me I'm wrong......you can't can you.......because I'm right......damn I'm good" he says

Chuckling I shake my head, no he wasn't wrong but I know Hallie doesn't see me that way. I'm content with just being what she needs, even of that mean eventually having to watch her with some one else. As long as she is happy that's all that matters.

"You're wrong" Colby says shaking me from my thoughts "in fact you are so wrong it's scary"

"Whatever mr witch cackle" Jon says rolling his eyes "don't tell me your not because even Joe has agreed with me"

"Everyone loves my laugh" Colby huffs as we get in the elevator

"Yeah but it does sound like a witches cackle" I laugh "a super cool witches cackle though"