Afraid To Lose

8. Perfect

Joe POV

Hallie and I were laid on our sides in bed facing each other. I had my hand placed lightly on her hip my thumb rubbing soft circles as she mindlessly plays with a piece of my hair.

I wanted desperately to know what she was thinking but at the same time I didn't want to spoil this perfect moment between us. It was special, we had taken a step I never thought would happen and pray that she won't change her mind.

Hallie's expression changes as she looks at me biting her lip and frowning a little. Silently she moves a little closer to me bring her face close to mine. She places her hand on my cheek and I find myself leaning in to her touch without taking my eyes off her.

"Can I?" She asks nervously looking at my lips

"Please" I whisper and that's all the encouragement she needs

Our lips meet in a soft sensual kiss that I allow her to be in control of. I pull her to me closing the gap and allow my hand to slide down to her ass without thinking.

When she doesn't stop me I move my hand along her thigh before lifting her leg and wrapping it over me, returning my hand to her ass and deepening the kiss.

Hallie jumps back from me a little but not too far once again looking at me while she bites her lip.

"I'm sorry babygirl, I shouldn't have done that" I say tucking her hair behind her ear "I said we'd move at your pace and we will, I shouldn't have done that"

"Oh its not that" she says nervously "it's just..........I just.........I haven't felt anything while being intimate with some one for a long time, it kind of took me by suprise"

"Well I'm glad I'm the one you feel something with" I smile "I mean I am pretty irresistible" I say and she laughs a little

"Would you mind if I kissed you again?" She asks

"Babygirl you don't have to ask, just do it" I smile as she brings her lips back to mine

This time as I let my hand explore her curves I hear her hum softly against my lips and my heart damn near skips a beat. I wanted her so bad and it took all my self control not to try and take this further.

"Mmmm these are my favourite lips to kiss" she smiles as she pulls away

"Promise me they will be the only lips you'll kiss from now on?" I ask softly

"I promise" she says "I thought company was what I needed but it wasn't......it's you Joe"

"You have me babygirl, you've always had me" I say wrapping her up in my arms as she rests her head on my chest.
"Like I told you, I love you"

"Please don't say that. I lose people that love me and I don't want to lose you Joe" I say and I feel a tear fall against my skin

"Listen to me Hallie, you will never lose me" I soothe "don't let the fear of losing people stop you accepting love. I know it's not easy but I promise you, I'm not going anywhere"

"Can we just......would you be ok with feeling it but not saying it for now?" She asks "I'm just not ready for that"

I'm not going to lie her words stung, I wanted to tell her everyday for the rest of my life that I love her. I wanted her to be in no doubt that she was loved. At the same time I didn't want to frighten her or cause her any tears so reluctantly I will do what she needs.

"Alright babygirl" I say kissing her hair "if that's what you need I'll do it"

"Thank you" she says "I know I'm not making this easy for you and I'm sorry. I promise I will get better at this"

"I'm willing to do anything for you babygirl" I say "Hell if you asked me to dance buck naked in the rain I'd do it"

The sound of Hallie's laughter is like music to my ears. Crazy thing is I would actually do it if she asked me to.

"I'll have to remember that next time it rains" she laughs "that would be an opportunity not to miss"

"Well miss holden I hope you realise I won't be doing it alone" I smirk "it requires company"

"I'm sure Jon and Colby would be happy to join you" she laughs

"Oh is that how it is huh?" I chuckle pulling her in for another kiss

"Mmm hmmm the rain would mess up my hair" she says agaisnt my lips

In this moment I was starting to see hints of the old Hallie, the one who'd been lost for so long. Her laugh, her sense of humor and her sassiness had always been my favourite things about her and I was happy to see them coming back

One thing was for sure I would never get tired of kissing these lips. It was everything I imagined it would be and more.

"I could kiss these lips forever" she says pulling away and running her fingertips over my lips

I softly kiss her fingertips and she bites her lip.

"I'm happy to give it a shot" I smile