necessary | newtmas au

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐭𝐰𝐨 | dear thomas

Dear Thomas,

This is not my first time trying to write this letter. My first attempt was a rough one—my pen wouldn't stop shaking, my eyes wouldn't stop watering, and the ink on the page just kept on getting smudged. My second try was even worse; this time the words actually got out, but I was making spelling and grammar mistakes here and there, and I know you wouldn't care about those things, but I just needed to start over.

So, here I am, doing this once again. Third time's a charm, right, Tommy?

People always told me that boarding school would be the time when a lot of teens changed themselves and their identities, because they were running away from something that was chasing them. Whether it was their parents, their home life, or their grades—the kids would often become a whole new person.

They'd stay out later, giggling and walking around the city with their friends, not knowing where they were going or how they were going to get back home. They'd have terrifying experiences, wonderful experiences, and daunting experiences all in one.

But I'm glad that my life didn't really go like that. Because if it had, I don't think I would have ended up meeting you.

Though, I never really imagined that all this would happen at the start—actually getting to know you and then having to say goodbye to you so quickly. I also didn't imagine that I'd fall in love with you.

I'm sorry for calling it quits, and I'm sorry for getting upset at you for just trying to power through. I'm sorry for making an uncontrollable outcome seem like you're at fault, and I'm sorry for making you think you were in the wrong.

Because I don't blame you for what happened. It wasn't your fault. And I truly hope you don't blame me for my decision, because I believe the most heartbreaking thing of all for me would be if you, of all people, resented me.

I just feel like we didn't have enough time.

One moment I was buying you coffee, and the next you were telling me about how you had to move across the country. But that's how life works. You experience your ups and downs, the beautiful and the tragic, and then forgive. And if you're lucky, you forget.

I suppose I wasn't too lucky this time. However, that's not a bad thing. I want to remember you. I would never not want to remember you.

You can't control time. Sometimes it'll just whizz past you in a blur, and you won't even notice it because you're too caught up in more important things that make you forget all about the rules and your responsibilities—love.

God, love is such a strange thing. It makes you feel emotions that you never knew you could experience—I know it did for me. Love makes you giggle and kick your feet at midnight and feel warmth inside your body whenever you think of that special someone.

You made me sad, you made me mad, you made my heart do backflips, and you made me laugh out loud until I couldn't breathe. And that's what love is supposed to do.

I remember our first kiss. You were pushed up against your desk, wrapping your arm around my back as I smiled through our lips.

I remember when we watched that movie at your dorm. I rested my head on top of your shoulder, my cold hand touching your warm one. The sparks I felt there were incredible.

I also remember when I just couldn't stop thinking of you. You raced through my thoughts, never leaving, and had my heart beating at every single second of every day. You cared for me, loved me, and was the best unofficial boyfriend there could be. You've given me a life worth living.

You taught me that love can come in many ways. You changed me for the better, and for that I will forever be grateful to have met you. Knowing you was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I will always choose you in a sea of millions.

I would always tell myself when I was younger that I didn't deserve a second out of anyone's day, especially if it had been someone like you. But now I know better. Because of you.

You're the most incredible human being I have ever encountered. You turned my world upside down and right back up again, and changed it for the better. You light up every room you step foot into and can make anyone's day, because—you are the most selfless person I have met. You would do anything for anyone, no matter what they've done in the past.

And I feel as if we just fit together like glue. You were the final piece to my jigsaw puzzle, and made it complete.

You are the vans to my converse. You are the brunet to my blond. You are the bees to my honey. You are The Beatles to my Smiths.

Now, there's one more thing I want to say. I waited until the very end of this letter to do so because this will be one of the final times I say it and I'm not ready for it to be. And I know that I've said it countless times already, but I need to repeat it once more so that it really gets stuck inside your head. I wouldn't want you to forget it—I can't let you forget it:

Tommy, I am endlessly in love with you. No matter how much time passes, or who I meet in the future, or where I live—I will never stop loving you. I will never stop caring for you.

Forever yours,
Newt