The Story of Us - Hyunlix - Hyunho

Everything Is Fine Pt.I

10 calls and no answer. 

Hyunjin left a message on voice mail in hopes that maybe, just maybe, Felix would call him back once he heard. After much consideration, he decided to go to Felix and Chris' apartment, trying to make sure he is okay. They left things linger between them. Hyunjin thought, once he got over the initial shock, that Felix was keeping something from him. They needed to talk. They couldn't just end things like this!

He didn't expect to hear what Chris told him. "Felix left for Sydney on the afternoon flight. Didn't he tell you?" He was looking at Hyunjin, confused. "Oh, right! I forgot. I thought he meant tomorrow afternoon. You know how distracted I am some times, Chris." He let out an - oh so fake - laugh. "I was worried when he didn't pick up the phone, for no reason, I guess. Sorry to bother you, Chris." He turned around to leave, feeling like hell. How could Felix leave like this? "Hyunjin." Chris' worried voice stopped him. "Is everything alright?" "Of course. Why do you ask?" He did not dare to face him. He ran back to his apartment to hide from the older's scrutinizing gaze. He knew he would confess, if pressed. But he did not want to say anything before talking to Felix first. This was a matter between them. Hyunjin had always said that he would never let their relationship affect the group negatively. And he was sticking to it. Maybe all this was just a misunderstanding, something that they could talk about and put behind them as soon as Felix got back home. There was no point in bringing the others into this.

Home...

How dark and bleak everything seemed... The world had lost its colours. Hyunjin threw the paintbrush he was holding, staining the floor with paint. He thought he could 'paint his pain away', turn his frustration into something positive but nothing came out.  He had been staring at the blank canvas in front of him for the last hour or so. He reached for his phone. It's been almost a week and no sign of Felix. No returned calls, no notifications, no messages, nothing. He felt a lack of air in his lungs as if normal breathing was not enough anymore. He leaned against the wall trying to focus on the task, to fill his chest with the oxygen he needed. Breathe in, breathe out, in, out...

He slid down the wall, collapsing to the floor, desperate, still suffocating. His eyes stung with tears that he refused to shed. He refused to cry. This was not happening. It was a misunderstanding, a lie, a bad dream. A nightmare?

'Ah, Hyunjin-ah! You're being overdramatic!' Minho would argue. But Minho wasn't there and neither was anyone else. And Hyunjin, true to his introverted nature, would never involve anyone. Because, Hyunjin was always a loner when it came to his pains and troubles, keeping everything to himself, licking his wounds like a stray dog. He closed his eyes tightly, focusing on his breathing again: in and out, in and out. He felt a little calmer so he slowly got up to take a shower. He had to be at the studio in a couple of hours. Shutting down his emotions and raging thoughts, ignoring his aching heart , was the best thing he could do. He was tangling in the precipice above a gaping void. He didn't want to fall in. He couldn't afford to. The hot running water helped him relax. He got out of the shower, got dressed, put on a little more make-up since he had dark circles under his eyes and he didn't want the others to notice and start asking questions. He knows they care but he doesn't want to make up a lie, a story... cause he is pretty sure Felix hasn't said anything either. Otherwise, Chris would be banging at the door right now. 

Felix... His sunshine, his Yongbok. His... His silence. Hyunjin took a deep breath. Let's pretend that nothing happened. The last week did not happen. Everything's fine!

Felix's POV

I took the early morning flight back to Korea. We had a meeting at the studio later in the day. There was a lot to be done for our latest come back and I'd fallen behind schedule. I went to find Hyunjin, before meeting the others. He clearly wanted to talk about what happened but I didn't. I didn't give him a chance. We decided that it would be best to leave our personal drama outside the group. We agreed - no, I said so, he just followed along to what I suggested with no desire for further confrontation. For now we wouldn't tell anyone that we broke up, not even Chris.

I'd like to say it was a mutual decision but... "But, shouldn't we talk? You left so suddenly and I..." "There's nothing to talk about." He looked at me, saddened. "But..." "I said no! Why can't you just leave things alone?"  He blinked startled. "I'll do whatever you want, Yongbok-ah." "Fine! We won't mention it to the kids then!" I shouted in exasperation.

I don't know why I felt so angry, but I did. The tension between us was palpable. His lack of anger towards me, his hurt expression when he thought no one looked, everything about him bothered me immensely. "Is everything alright, Lix?" Chris asked me for the upteenth time since I got back from Sydney. "Of course, why do you ask?" I answered, again. He frowned, clearly not believing me, again. I caught Minho staring at Hyunjin and me repeatedly, but he never said anything.

He was always ready to scold anyone he thought was making me sad, even you, Hyunjin-ah. Maybe he was contemplating on it right now. The others didn't pay attention. I mean, Seungmin had a family of his own to worry about, although he caught us arguing one day, when I couldn't handle your moping around me anymore. He saw your face and then threw me a dirty look. 'Don't break his heart.' His eyes warned me. I suppose to him, I was the sinner whenever the two of us fought, Hyunjin-ah. He always took your side. 

Changbin on the other hand always preferred to not be involved directly but rather offer his support and also he and Jisung were too busy with the production of our latest comeback. As for Jeongin, he was oblivious and happy, building his acting carreer. Right.. And I, I was so sure that I was right in my decision to end our relationship, I ignored everything else. When Hyunjin - finally! -  stopped trying to talk about it, though still confused about my motives, I was relieved. He slipped into apathy. And then, I made the mistake of listening to his voice mail, the one from that fateful day I fled to Sydney.

'Chris told me that you left. Why did you leave all of the sudden, Yongbok-ah? (pause) ...I guess you need space. I wish you'd tell me what's on your mind, Lixie... (pause) What made you...  (pause) You know how much I love you Lix-ah... (pause) How can you say we need to find lo...'

The rest was cut off. The phone went silent. The sound of his broken voice and the light sniffle tore me apart. I regretted listening to it. I should have erased it. I wasn't going to change my mind so there was no point in suffering needlessly.

I did not need another reminder of how hurt you were Hyunjin-ah. The absence of spark in your eyes was a constant reminder, every single day. Even though you tried to act like nothing happened. Everything was fine.

But I only wanted to do the right thing, Hyunjin-ah.

A/N: The second part will be posted in a few hours.