LOVE OR RIDE | LESTAPPEN

chapter twenty - trying not to love you

Max

I have been sitting on the bed in the bedroom for the past twenty minutes, and Charles is cuddling up to me, continuing to sob. He slowly calms down as I stroke his back with my hands, periodically drawing some patterns around his spine with my fingers. Eventually his breathing normalizes and his crying disappears. I'm still worried about his wound on his lip, which looks like someone hit him. I stare ahead, trying not to get stuck in my thoughts, much less think about him going out with Hamilton and leaving me, because that's irrelevant now.

"Better?" I ask quietly, to which Charles pulls away from me, nodding. I let go of him when he wants to sit up on the bed. He draws his legs to his chest and leans against the headrest, looking at me with eyes red from crying. His cheeks are red, his eyelids are swollen and his hair is disheveled. The dried blood that flew from his lip is still on his chin, and his gaze depresses me even more. He looks hurt, and I don't know what happened. "Do you want to tell me why you cried? You don't have to if..."

"He did it on purpose." He whispers, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from starting to cry again. I furrow my eyebrows, trying to understand what he means. "Lewis. He didn't want his colleagues to know the truth, because he doesn't want to be seen as a loser." He continues, looking ahead and thus avoiding my gaze. "I thought we would reconcile, because I like him and would like to have a good relationship with him. And he ruined it by treating me like crap. Like an object that you can make fun of and won't feel anything. They laughed, pointed fingers at me and challenged me. He did that too, instead of standing up for me. He even pushed me when I got upset and wanted to tell the truth about us. Even so, I continued to want to reveal to his colleagues that Lewis likes guys too, and that's when he hit me and told security to throw me out." He tightens his lips into a thin line, without moving even a millimeter. He stared blankly at the wall.

I clenched my fists, feeling anger rising. I knew it would end badly, but I have to put my pride in my pocket again, leaving the comments to myself. Charles doesn't need to hear the words a I didn't say now, since he knows perfectly well that he made a mistake. I'm not going to pester him about it, because he doesn't deserve it. I move over and rest my cheek against his shoulder, looking at him. He finally shifts his gaze to me, and the corners of his mouth twitch gently upward. I smile, looking at him carefully. Suddenly Kelly's words pop into my head again, but I ignore them.

"Do you want to sleep here?" I ask quietly, although inside I am already devising a plan to kill Hamilton.

"Yes, please." He answers right away. I nod and rise from the bed. "Can you sleep with me?" he asks quietly.

"Yes, of course I do."

I go back to bed. I lie down, and Charles immediately cuddles up to me, closing his eyes tiredly. Crying has taken all his strength, so he needs to rest. I start playing with his hair, twisting it on my finger and combing it every so often. After a while the boy falls asleep, so I carefully remove his hand from my body and cover him, getting out of bed. I take a piece of paper and a pen from the bedside table and write on it that I went out to the pharmacy. I put it on the coffee table, leaving the bedroom quietly.

I put on my shoes in the hallway and leave the apartment, closing the door behind me. I run down the stairs to the ground floor and, greeting the receptionist, leave the hotel. Only at the pharmacy do I realize that I didn't take my phone or money with me. Great.

I sigh loudly, looking around. I came here for nothing. Suddenly I spot the club Charles told me about in the distance. Hamilton and three other guys come out of it. They are drunk and laughing about something, until suddenly their gaze falls on me. They point in my direction, and Lewis finds me with his eyes, appraisingly mirroring me with his gaze. I clench my jaws, trying not to do anything stupid, but the very sight of him causes a mass of bad emotions in me. I can't believe he treated Charles like that. I repeat in my head that it's not worth talking to him, and I'm already turning around with the intention of going back to the hotel, until he suddenly speaks up.