LOVE OR RIDE | LESTAPPEN

chapter twenty-two - just a date

Charles

I take a deep breath in and out. I don't know the last time I got so stressed, but I'm throwing everything on one card. I may lose my best friend, a man who has helped me so much and a man for whom I felt something and it is not friendship. I'm afraid of what will happen if she rejects me. Will he let me continue to be next to him? Will he leave? How will I cope when he is gone? I know I have plenty of other people, but none of them is Max. I want him, not the others.

I drink a third glass of water, continuing to feel the dryness in my throat. My palms are sweating, my heart is beating fast and unevenly, and I feel like falling asleep and waking up afterwards. I count to six in my mind, until suddenly I hear a knock on the door. Pierre left a while ago, saying he would wait with sweets if things didn't go well. Asshole.

I quickly straighten up, walking to the door. I open it, and the stress disappears when I see Max smiling at me, leaning against the door frame.

"Hey." I say quietly, uncontrollably reciprocating the smile.

"Hey." He replies, waiting for me to let him in. Feeling like a moron, I step back, allowing him to enter, and close the door behind him as he removes his shoes. "So what's up?" he asks as we walk toward the living room. I sit down on the couch, drawing my legs to my chest. The boy sits down next to me, grimacing softly. "It's nothing." He says immediately when he sees my frightened face.

"Okay... So... Damn, that's heavy." I laugh, wanting to somehow defuse the tense atmosphere. "As for the earlier conversation... Please don't interrupt me, because then I won't be able to say anything anymore. Well, so after that kiss, all the way to Monaco I thought about what I had done. I also talked a lot with Pierre, who helped me understand a few things, and I came to the conclusion that I don't want to be your friend anymore if you also feel the way I do. I'm not able to tell you that I love you, but it's definitely not just friendship anymore. I'll understand if you don't want to, because you don't feel it and you're straight. I hope, however, in if you don't want to, we will continue to be friends, because I want to be in your life. But if you want to try it... I'm not in a position to confess love to you now, because I don't know what I feel. I would like to... With small steps expand our relationship and see what comes out of it. If it doesn't work out, it's hard, and if it works out, I know I'll be the happiest man in the world." I say everything in one breath, and as I finish my speech, I look fearfully at Max's face, from which I can't make out anything. He looks at me in silence, analyzing my words.

I regret this decision more and more every second. I think I acted rashly, claiming it was a good plan to tell him the truth. I could have disobeyed Pierre and kept quiet, because now I would lose Max forever, and I really want to be close.

"If..."

"Baby steps?" he interrupts me when I already want to back off. I part my lips in surprise, only to close them a moment later and nod affirmatively with a gentle smile. "Yes, we can do it in small steps." He adds, trying to hold back a smile.

"What?" I ask puzzled. "Aren't you making fun of me? Do you really want to be with me someday? Yes in a relationship? Not as friends? Do you feel something for me?" I ask further questions, which causes him to laugh. "Well Max! This is serious!" I say out loud, indignant.

"I'm not kidding, Charles. You are wonderful, I also feel something for you, and yes, I want to be in a relationship with you someday. Are you satisfied with such an answer?"

"Damn." I smile broadly, feeling joy blowing me away from the inside. All stress went into oblivion as soon as I heard his words. Who would have thought that from such a strange relationship something like what we have now would emerge.