Vaidehi - His Second chance

5. Pondering

✦Sankaar✦

"Ma, how can you fix my marriage without even asking me?" I flung the marriage card across the room, its edges crumpling as it hit the floor. "What do you all expect? That one fine morning, you'll wake me up and say, 'Hey, it's your wedding day, get ready'?"

"We were going to tell you," Chachi interjected, her voice tinged with exasperation.

"Going to? When? On the day of the wedding? Or maybe when the priest asks for the groom?" I retorted, my frustration boiling over. "You all fixed my marriage without my consent, and that too, for day after tomorrow!"

"Sanskaar, try to calm down," Papa interjected, his voice steady amidst the rising tension.

"Calm down? I've lost all sense of calm!" I exclaimed, my frustration evident in every word. "I've told you repeatedly to leave me alone. So why, then? Why this sudden decision?" I sank into a chair, burying my face in my hands as I tried to process the whirlwind of emotions raging within me.

"It's fine if you didn't think about me. That's okay. But what about the girl who is going to marry me? Have you thought about her? Why are you destroying her life? No one can be happy with me, and I can't keep anyone happy."

"At least give it a try," Ma placed her hands on my shoulders.

"Try? Is this some kind of gamble? Like 'give it a try and if it's a loss, take your hands back'? Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It requires effort that can't be half-hearted. I don't want to 'try' anything like that."

"Sankaar, why are you destroying your life? Yourself? Forget the past and move forward."

Move forward. Just two words. How simple.

But more difficult than navigating through all the hells.

What should I move on from? From the day I proposed to her? From the day I married her? Or from the day everything changed? What should I let go of, and what should I hold onto?

When I try moving forward, everything seems to stick in my sweaty palm, and I can't let them go. And when I want to keep something, it runs like sand through my hands.

I am confused. Confused as hell. What to do and what not to?

Where to go and whom to go to? Which life is mine, which way is mine, and which love is mine?

Whatever I wished for, I didn't get, and whatever I never even thought of, I got it. So should I stop thinking and walk like a blind man, letting my destiny take me wherever it wants?

I want someone to hold my hand and lead me out of here. Take me away from my own darkness. I am afraid. Afraid of being consumed by it. But I am lonely, just as I was born into this world, utterly alone.

I walked into my room, the weight of the day's events heavy on my shoulders. Sinking into the chair, I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh, feeling the exhaustion seep into my bones. Tossing my coat haphazardly into one corner, I allowed the familiar surroundings to envelop me as I surrendered to the flood of memories that threatened to overwhelm me once again.

Marriage—a lifetime of commitment. A commitment that I am not in the state to give, nor do I have anything left to give.

Everything was going on smoothly, or so it seemed to me. Until a strong wind came and blew away my happiness along with it. Like a beautiful dream, but still just a dream.

(Past)

"Siya, what are you doing?"

"Um... just getting bored."