melancholy feelings ~m.m~

part sixteen

꧁y/n's pov꧂

i pace my room slowly, phone in hand as i read over the message again and again under my breath.

"hey. i think we should talk about everything. do you wanna come over?"

yes, it was simple. but is it too simple? i mean, its not like its just another hang out. we made out last time i saw him!

does he want me to do something? does he want a relationship? am i ready for another relationship? i mean, the last one i had was so shit i havent even told nelle about it. should i tell him about it? i mean, he has told me about his exs so it shouldn't be that weird, right?

what am i even saying? i should ask someone else.

"nick!!" i yell out, walking back towards my door and barging into his room. his head turned from the tv in front of him and onto me as i anxiously sat on his bed.

"what??" he scoffed, annoyed with how i had been acting the last two days.

"okay, remember how you said ive been acting different?" i dont stop for his response. "well its cause when i was at the game on tuesday miles and i kinda kissed a bit and then we didnt talk like at all after. and now i dont know what to do or say because im worried he wants something but also worried he doesnt? like you know how much i like him but with everything that happened with elijah im still nervous about that stuff. i mean, am i even ready?" i word vomit as he just stared at me with narrowed eyes.

"what the fuck, y/n"

"thanks, nick! that really helps!" i stand up, annoyed at his initial reaction.

"no- wait. ill help. what do you want to know?" he knows i need help with something even though i don't specifically ask. or did i? i kinda zoned out when i was talking.

"should i text him?" i turned back around without a hint of annoyance like i just had.

"does he deserve your attention?" he sat up fully, stretching out his back with a wince as he did. his voice carried the feeling of sharp pain.

i just stared at him, thinking deeply about it. does he like me like he says he does? or is this all just a game to him? i know he has a long dating history but he said hes taking a break from dating. which is exactly what im worried about. does he just want a little fuck toy or something??

"i...dont know." i closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm my head that seemed to want to pop with all these thoughts and questions.

"i mean, i think he really likes you. but, like doesnt mean he wants anything serious. but do you?" nick stared at me as my nose scrunched like i always do before i cry and i shrug.

i hate talking when im about to cry because i hate when my voice cracks.

"look, y/n. i know elijah fucked you up but that doesnt mean that every guy is like that. im not saying you should throw yourself at miles but you shouldn't close yourself off." as he spoke, i let my back fall against his bed. "i know one hundred percent he at least cares a lot about you. remember that time he blew up your phone when nelle said she saw you crying? and when you told him about dad he got you flowers? i know when i guy does shit to get in your pants and i know when a guy genuinely cares."

i nod but cant get any words out. i still just feel so...scared about it. i dont know what hes gonna say or want. because anytime i tried to guess what he was gonna do, he did the opposite. hes so unpredictable.

i know nick sees im still stressed over everything so he continues. "have you told him about eli?" i hate when he uses elijahs nickname. it reminds me of all the times i called him it when i shouldnt have been calling him anything besides a piece of shit.