Sweetest Oblivion

sixteen| astronomy tower

"The Gryffs are throwing a party in the Room of Requirements tonight, want to go?" Blaise said while entering our dorm.

His tie was unmade, his lips glossy and a dark spot on his neck was purposely left there for everyone to see.

"You reek of broom closet sex." Draco mumbled with a disgusted look on his face as Blaise simply flipped him off and discarded his shirt.

"So... you lots want to party?"

"Where did you even hear that information?" I questioned. It's not unusual for the Gryffindor's to host a party but for us to be invited, it must be one hell of a reason for it.

"Your better half, of course. D invited us, said to wear our sluttiest outfits-"

"I'm guessing you're going naked?" Matteo cut him off with a smirk as Blaise winked at him and mirrored his smirk. Ew.

"I'm not too pleased to drink with Gryffs but Granger makes mean drinks." Enzo stated, getting out of his bed and towards his closet to get dressed. He was still slouching in his pyjamas, even though it's well in the afternoon.

"Is there a particular dress code? I know they're heavy on themes." I asked though my mind was already elsewhere.

Dalia.

What would she be wearing? Would I have to fight guys all night to stop them from looking at her? Will she dance with me?

Questions filled my head, my throat clogging up as my hands began to sweat. The idea of her filled my mind, not letting me think of anything or anyone else. She brought me peace like never before, her presence calmed the thoughts in my brain but there was always that one nagging voice.

Always saying how she'd be much more happier without me. How she deserved someone who was able to communicate. Someone who could open up to her.

Someone that wasn't me.

"I- I need some air."

I quickly said before pushing my way through the door, knocking into Matteo's shoulder as he groaned in annoyance.

"Hey! Where you g-" the rest of his sentence was cut off by the door slamming shut behind me.

I quickly walked out, practically sprinting to get to the Astronomy tower before I start sobbing in front of everyone. My eyes were foggy, my brain on overdrive and my body relaying on my legs to bring me where I needed to be.

"Do not run, Mr Nott." Someone said from the end of the hall but I didn't stop to look who it was.

When I got the the Astronomy tower, I took my hoodie off, throwing it on the ground and sliding my back against the wall. I held my head in my hands, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions as I hit myself a couple of times with the palms of my hand.

Was I moving too fast with her? What if she didn't like me like that? What if I misread the signs? What if she was just being friendly?

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I always ruin things. Fuck me. Gosh, mum. Why aren't you here? Why did you have to go? I fucking need you, right now." I cried into my arms, muffling my sobs as I tugged on the silver chain my mother gifted me before passing away.

It was a light silver chain with an engraving that read: To My Teddy

She's the only one that got to call me that. Even my father thought it was too childish, that I needed to grow up from that nickname. She never stopped using it tho, not even when she was dying. I never let anyone use it. It was between me and her.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"I just- I need advice, mum. I like her so much, mum. Fuck, I might even be in love with her. She- holy fuck, it's like... it's like when she walks in the room all the lights go straight to her. She literally glows, mum. Gosh, you would've liked her so much. She makes me good, mum." I cried harder, glancing up at the sky that seemed to have darken.

The sun was hiding, dark grey clouds filling the sky and it simply seemed to worsen my mood as I sobbed even harder. Muffling the sounds of my cries in my arm and tugging at my hair aggressively. The tears staining my cheeks and hurting my eyes from crying so hard. I could feel the headache coming but that didn't lessen the cries.

"I won't let myself ruin her the way dad ruined you. I won't do that to her. If it means letting her love another, I will. I won't trap her for my own benefit. I just won't." I angrily wiped my tears.

I would never be like my father. Even if my parents were in love, he stopped. He wasn't there for my mother anymore. He was a cold man and didn't deserve to live the rest of his life while my mother died.

I opened my mouth to say something else when a light knock was heard. I quickly wiped my tears away and cleared my throat before looking up.

Dalia.

"Blaise sent an owl." She whispered and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing once more. I felt so weak and miserable, crying in front of her.

She doesn't deserve that.

"I'm fine." I managed to get out through my clogged throat, feeling as if I was swallowing hundreds of nails in one sitting.

"Baby..."

She said lowly before sliding next to me and pulling me into her arms. I clung to her sweatshirt like a lifeline. Her scent taking over my body and cuddling me like a blanket. Her arms around me, her hand in my hair while the other held my hand made me feel secure. She whispered things to me but I couldn't hear over my sobs and my sniffs.

So fucking pathetic.

"You're okay, sweets. You're okay, I got you. I promise I got you." She kept repeating over and over again as I tried to believe her words. I tried so hard.

I don't want to be left behind. I don't want her to leave me like my mum did, everyone I love leaves me. They all leave and I can't go with them.

"Do you need something, Theo? Anything?" She asked when I had stopped shaking. My breathing somewhat calming down but the hiccups still being present.

Gosh, you're so useless.

"You. Please don't leave."

"I promise I won't, baby. I won't leave you, Teddy."

I hugged her tighter, holding her like she was a figment of my imagination. Like she would disappear if I let her go.

My eyes slowly closed, energy draining out of me as she played with my hair softly. I was safe with her, she wouldn't leave me. She wouldn't do that. Dalia sticks to her words, she'd never say something and not do it.

I know her.

I know she'll be here.

The last thought I had before falling asleep was how she had called me Teddy. And how I did not mind.

_______________________
A/N:
kind of a sad chapter because we can't
forget that theo is a sad boy and has
some unresolved issues.

i did cry while writing this which says
a lot about my relatability to how theo's
feeling and how he views relationships.

hehehe, idk how much longer i can write
this book before it becomes an autobiography.....
let's find out, shall we?