Edward

A Clumsy First Attempt

After eight weeks, and eight meetings, I was starting to feel like my life wasn't over. I had come to grips with the reality that I was responsible for my own choices. I had been wrong in blaming my sister for my situation. My dad had started attending as well, as my sponsor.

He told the group that evening, "Six weeks ago, I emptied out my liquor cabinet. I wanted to take away any temptation Edward may have had. The first few weeks of his recovery, I had hidden the key, but I continued to drink in the evenings. I have since discovered that I'm an alcoholic, too. I've been having strong cravings. I can only imagine how much worse it's been for my son."

Pastor Mark asked, "How are you feeling otherwise?"

"Empty. I'd been using booze to fill the hole which was created when my family disintegrated."

"Jefferson, have you considered what we've discussed these past weeks, about the spiritual component?"

"I haven't given it much thought. I assumed it was what weaker people needed."

"Jeff, at this point in your recovery, you and your son are both as weak as newborn babies. The apostle Paul wrote that when he was weak, that's when he saw God's strength. King David was a fierce warrior, but several times in the Psalms he wrote about God being his strength. The most well known is Psalm twenty-three – 'The Lord is my shepherd....'" Pastor Mark recited the twenty-third Psalm.

Dad asked me, "Edward, what do you think?"

"I guess it couldn't hurt anything if we went to church."

Pastor Mark said, "Josh and Amanda are members, so you will be able to see them there. Have you met your grandkids yet?"

I reacted, "I'm not going! After what I said about Amanda, there's no way she will have forgiven me."

Reuben sat down next to me. He spoke quietly.

"Ed, your sister never learned what you said about her."

"I'm sure somebody told her."

"Nope. There was a concerted effort by those of us who love her to keep her from finding out. I also know she hasn't given up on you and your dad. She prays regularly for you two."

"Have you told her about my dad and I being in this group?"

"That would violate the rules of confidentiality. If you want her to know, you will need to tell her yourself."

Sunday morning, my dad and I walked into church. There was a noisy crowd in the lobby. Everyone seemed to know everyone else. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so out of place. An older couple greeted us.

"I'm George, and this is my wife, Ruth. I don't remember seeing you here before."

"My son and I are visiting. It's our first time even attending a church service."

"Welcome. What are your names?"

"I'm Jefferson Talmage, and this is my son, Edward."

"Talmage? Are you in some way related to Amanda Whitaker?"

"I was her father."

At the beginning of the offering, pastor Mark stood in front of the platform.

"I know we have a few visitors with us this morning. I don't want you to feel obligated to give. It's something we in the body of Christ do as a form of worship."

Dad dropped a fifty dollar bill into the plate as it was being passed.

"He must spend this much every week on coffee and donuts."

The people sitting in front of us turned and gave dad a dirty look.

"Pastor Mark provides coffee and donuts to the group he leads on Friday evenings." That seemed to satisfy the people in front of us.

After the service, Amanda pushed a stroller past me. It was a side-by-side, with the twins in it.

"Hello, Amanda." She turned, and gave me a blank look.

"Edward." She walked away.

She was talking to a group of ladies when her husband walked up with their six year old son. They were joined by Reuben, his wife, and their three year old daughter.

My dad walked up beside me.

"Well, dad, there they are."

"Did you meet your nephew, and nieces?"

"She wouldn't even talk to me."

The Whitakers kept glancing at dad and me. They were obviously discussing the situation. Reuben walked over to us.

"All right, you two. Come on." He took a couple of steps, and looked back. "Are you coming, or not?" We followed him.

Amanda said, "Hello, father."

"Amanda, I don't know where to begin. How do I...?"

"You can start by meeting my husband. This is Josh."

Their six year old son, Jacob was holding his dad's right hand. He looked up at Joshua.

"Daddy, who is this?"

"That's your other grandfather, your mommy's dad. His name is Jefferson Talmage."

The boy looked at my dad.

"Why do you have two last names?" Amanda gasped.

"Jacob!"

I have to admit, his question really lightened the mood.

Dad peeked into the stroller.

Amanda said, "That's the twins, Trina and Louise."

They were being fussy, and whining about being hungry.

Amanda said, "I wish we could stay and visit longer. We really need to get the kids home. The girls are ready for their naps."