Edward

The Tiniest Glimmers of Hope

I was working on my laundry on Monday morning. Mom had to meet with a client to do paperwork on a home they were selling. Josh and Amanda showed up around ten o'clock. They had the twins with them. They came running in.

"Where's Grandma?"

"She's working. She'll be home later. How are you girls?"

They didn't answer. They pulled out a toy box, and set about emptying it all over the living room floor. Amanda kneeled on the floor with them.

Josh asked, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm scared."

"Worried about your dad?"

"That, and all of the other changes I'm facing. It's great that mom has taken me in, but I've never been so acutely aware of how ill-equipped I am to take care of myself. I still want to get to know my sister, but every time I talk to her, I feel like I'm driving the wedge deeper."

"You and Amanda will have a good relationship in time. She loves you, and wants to get to know you, too. She wants our kids to know their uncle Ed. As for the rest, we can teach you everything you need to know. For the time being, you need to remember you are not alone. Your mom, your sister, and my brother and I are all going to be here for you. Whatever happens with your dad, you will still have us."

Reuben and Tabby arrived. Hannah ran in and hugged me.

"Uncle Eddie, pick me up!" I crouched down, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. When I stood, Josh helped me hold her the right way.

"Hannah, why do you want me to hold you?"

"Because you are sad, and I want to cheer you up." She kissed me on the cheek. "Uncle Eddie, you need a shave."

She was right, I did have a little stubble.

"How about if I put you down. You can play with your cousins while I go change, and shave."

"Okay!"

While I was getting cleaned up, mom arrived home. Tabby stayed with the girls while the rest of us went to the hospital.

When we arrived, the doctor met with us.

"His brain activity has increased, and isn't as erratic as it was. His pulse is a steady forty-three beats per minute. He's still not breathing on his own."

Mom sat beside his bed and held his right hand. Amanda sat on the other side, and gripped his left hand.

"Jeff, can you hear me?" No response. Not that we expected one.

Amanda said, "Dad, someone brought Mr. Puffy to me, from your house. Mom told me you gave him to me, because you were worried about me. She said I was having nightmares, and that you gave him to me to protect me."

Amanda's face lit up. She looked at me, her face looked shocked.

"Daddy? Can you hear me?" She smiled at mom, and then at me. "He squeezed my hand!"

Mom asked, "Jeff, is that you?" He squeezed her hand. His eyes opened a little and he looked at her, briefly. His eyes shifted to Amanda, and slowly closed again.

He went into cardiac arrest. We were ushered out of the room as the medical staff did their thing. After a few very tense minutes, we were informed he was stable. We were asked to return another time.

We went out to lunch at a Chinese restaurant near the hospital.

Amanda asked, "Ed, when did you start drinking?"

"A few weeks after my eighteenth birthday."

"Did dad know?"

I told her the whole story, ending with crossing paths with Reuben at that first recovery group meeting. It felt good to finally have it out in the open.

When we got up, Amanda gave me a quick hug.

"Thank you for being honest. Please don't talk to our kids about it until they are ready."

"I'll wait until I have your permission."

We returned to mom's. Josh went to pick-up Jacob from school.

Reuben asked, "How are those cravings?"

"Strong as ever. I know there's nothing here, and I'm not going shopping. I know if I did, I wouldn't trust myself."

When Josh returned with Jacob, I was in conversation with Amanda, and Reuben. He was sitting next to me on the couch. Mom had put the girls down for a nap in my room. Tabby was in mom's recliner, dozing quietly. Mom was holding Samuel.

"Hi, uncle Reuben. Hi, uncle Ed."

Reuben replied, "Hi, Jake, how was school?"

"It was fine. Speaking of school, what did you do to uncle Ed?"

Reuben and I looked at each other.

Amanda said, "Jacob, I told you to forget about that."

"Mom, I can't forget. I want to know what happened!"

I looked at Amanda. Her expression was one of exasperation.

I said, "Jacob, what's important today is that your uncle Reuben and I are friends. We've found forgiveness, and put our past behind us."

"But you still won't tell me what happened?"

I looked at Amanda again. I couldn't decipher her expression. She nodded.

"Jacob, when I was in eighth grade, I was very angry because of circumstances, for which I blamed your mom. At that time she was living with your grandparents, Robert and Helen. My parents had divorced, so it was just your grandpa Jeff and I. One day in school, I had a temper tantrum, and vented my feelings. I said some terrible things about your mom. It was all lies. When your uncle Reuben confronted me about my lies, I punched him in the nose."

Jacob stated, "I bet he didn't like that."

"You're right, he didn't. He beat me up for it. He was standing up for your mom, and I deserved it. Since that day, I've been afraid of your uncle Reuben. I've also been terrified of talking to your mom. I was afraid she would never forgive me for what I'd said about her."

"Are you still afraid of him?"

"Yes, a little. Your uncle has shown me he has a good heart. He cares enough about me to help me get through this situation."

Josh said, "Ed, Amanda was living with Bret and Elise when that happened. She only spent about four months living with us."

"I must have been misinformed. I was told she stayed with your parents until your wedding."

Amanda asked "Did you hear that from the rumor mill?"

"Yes, from a couple of starlings."

Reuben took me to visit Dad in the hospital after work on Thursday afternoon. Mom was there, as were Amanda and Josh.

Dad's heart rate had increased to a steady fifty-five beats per minute. His eyes were open for a minute at a time, and he was squeezing mom's and Amanda's hands.

Josh informed us, "The doctor was by earlier. He said Jeff is trying to breathe on his own. His pulse has been stable, so they are planning to remove the breathing tube in the morning. They still don't know about his liver, or kidneys."

The following evening was the recovery group. Reuben drove me. I was able to update the group. Dad was breathing on his own, but hadn't attempted to speak. Other than his squeezing other people's hands, there was no sign of his being able to move on his own, or to feel anything. His reflex tests were negative. The doctor told us that time would tell whether he'd get any feeling back. He could hear, but it was unclear whether or not he could see. Pastor Mark visited him, and prayed over him on Saturday afternoon.

Amanda made it clear that if I were to have a place in her life, I was to start joining her at church. I was to learn about the God she knew, and the Jesus she worshiped. Reuben and Tabby only lived a mile from mom's, so I caught a ride with them.