Edward

Sibling Rivalry

Saturday morning, Amanda's family, and Reuben's family joined mom and I for breakfast. When we were finished, mom, Amanda and I went to visit dad. Tabby kept Samuel at mom's. Since the weather was not conducive to outdoor recreation, Josh and Reuben took the rest of the kids to an indoor playground.

When we entered dad's room, his face lit up.

"Samantha! Amanda! Edward!" His voice was stronger than the last time I'd visited. His words seemed to come easier. He stood up from his bed, and walked up to mom. His legs seemed a bit wobbly, but he managed. He wrapped his arms around her, and they embraced. They even kissed.

"Samantha, I'm glad you're here. Are you planning to stay for a bit?"

"We have all day."

Dad made his way over to Amanda. They hugged.

"Amanda, my beloved daughter."

"Hi, Dad. You seem to be getting around better."

"The therapists here are encouraging me to push myself. I've been getting up three or four times a day for walks, and walking to the dining room for meals."

"How's the food here?"

"Lousy. They won't even let me have salt and pepper."

Mom asked, "How are your ulcers?"

"Nearly healed. The doctor says another two weeks, and I should be off this restricted diet."

Dad and I hugged.

"Edward. I love you, son. How are you?"

"I'm doing well. I'm staying sober." Dad sat back down on the side of his bed.

"And your relationship with Amanda?"

Amanda answered, "Ed and I have reconciled. We've found forgiveness."

"But do you have a relationship?"

"We're working on a friendship. My son has taken quite a liking to his uncle Ed."

"Amanda, you sound uncertain."

"I'm not ready to trust him yet. Josh has given him the benefit of the doubt. Jacob is taken with him, and wants to spend more time with him, but I'm not sure that would be a good idea."

I asked, "Sis, what have I done with Jacob that you object to?"

"You filled his head with dreams of adventure. You bought him a bicycle without asking me first. You've already taken him out for a ride where he could have been badly hurt."

"I have never been riding with him unless Josh was also there, and whenever Jacob and I do anything together, either Josh or Reuben are there with us. I had no clue you didn't want him to have a bike. Why didn't you tell me sooner that you feel that way?"

Dad stood up.

"Kids, please! You never used to argue like this."

Amanda answered, "We never had conversations when we were kids. We lived very different lives."

I said, "Amanda and I need to discuss boundaries, is all. It's a conversation that will also need to include Josh and Jacob."

Mom asked, "Speaking of conversations, Jeff. You left us a suicide note, and a will, but you didn't explain your motivation. Why did you want to kill yourself?"

"Guilt. My family shattered, and it was my fault."

"But you could see we were coming back together. You had to have seen it."

"Yes, I saw it happening. I was afraid I'd cause it to all come undone, again."

Amanda said, "Daddy, we were not a family back then. We were four strangers sharing a home, and a last name. We were all equally to blame. Our family was destined to fail. Mom and I have learned to love, and Ed is learning. It's obvious you want to learn. The first step is to stop blaming yourself." Amanda sat next to dad and put her head on his shoulder. "Daddy, I forgive you. I forgave you nine years ago, and I forgive you now."

Mom sat down on dad's right side. She took his hand, threading her fingers between his.

"Jeff, we forgive you. We love you. Your family loves you." She was crying. I pulled up a chair in front of him. Amanda was holding his left hand, so I put my hand on top of theirs.

"Love ya, Dad."

The message the following morning at church was on Proverbs 16:18, "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." It felt like the message was directed at Amanda and I, and our past. I know pastor Mark didn't name us directly, but he did stir a lot of old feelings in the two of us. We discussed it at Robert and Helen's. Pastor Mark and Laura joined us.

Mark said, "It's called being convicted. The Lord wants you to look back, to be reminded where the two of you came from. He wants you to be grateful for what you have today."