FAR FROM ERIS • FreenBecky •

SIX

-Wait, are you telling me that a girl is going to reopen Patty's Flower Shop?- Heng asked.

-Yeah... um, yes- Freen said. -I don't see the problem.-

-But you said... what was her name?- Nam asked.

-Rebecca, her name is Rebecca- Freen replied.

-Well Becky- echoed somewhere in the back of her mind like a whisper, giving her goosebumps.

-Yeah, Rebecca- Freen confirmed.

Freen's mind drifted back to that Flower Shop. To Becky leaning on the counter with her head tilted, looking at Freen as if she were an endangered species.

-Freen, Freen! Where the hell did you go? What's wrong with you?- Nam interrupted, apparently continuing the conversation after clarifying the name. -I'm asking why you didn't ask Rebecca where you could personally deliver the book to Patty, instead of leaving it there.-

That was a brilliant question in Freen's opinion.

-To be honest, I didn't think of it.- If I told you I couldn't come up with anything remotely interesting to say...- It just seemed logical to leave the book there- Freen felt somewhat dazed. -I really don't understand why I didn't ask Rebecca where Patty lived.-

-Maybe she doesn't know,- Heng suggested.

-She must know. You don't hand over the keys to your lifelong business to a stranger you've only seen twice. Rebecca must know where Patty lives. Maybe you could go back there and see...- But Freen interrupted.

-No, no, I don't think... well, I don't know. She must have already given her the book, so why go back there, right? I'd need a reason to go back, and I don't have one, do I? I don't have one- Freen rambled.

Nam looked at her strangely. It had been years since she heard Freen string so many words together in one conversation. Even though half of her argument made no sense, the length caught her off guard for a moment.

-So, Rebecca- Nam thought. -Interesting. Well, even so, I don't think it would hurt to pay the woman a visit. It's been a long time since you saw her. You were like a granddaughter to her, Freen.-

The girl lowered her head. She still didn't know how to handle relationships with other people. At least not with those she had established some kind of relationship with after what happened. Even the way she interacted with her friends was completely different. It was different with Nam, even though she had known her practically her whole life.

She had a huge wall built around her body, like an ice fortress that no one could penetrate. She was comfortable there, not getting too involved. That's why she didn't know where Patty lived. That's why she didn't know Irin's middle name. Freen had been feeling disconnected from everything for a long time, as if no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't resonate on the same frequency as the rest of the humans. She could be quite friendly, she could even seem like a caring person in her own way, but Freen knew she had a wire that hadn't made contact in years. She knew that wire had come loose on the bridge that night, along with the hands of that girl on the metal railing.

She shivered. Why couldn't she remember her? It's true that six years had passed, but shouldn't something like that be seared into her memory? During her time in therapy, they explained to her that it was perfectly normal for her brain to have wiped the slate clean of that event. That's how stress worked. That cortisol ate up the images. But still, Freen and her masochism kept rummaging through her head for the face of that girl. At least to know if anyone had looked for her, or if she appeared in any news about missing persons. But nothing, no one ever talked about it. That girl didn't exist for anyone else but Freen that spring night, and the version that was given was that Freen had had a panic attack on the bridge due to stress and alcohol, and had hallucinated that a girl was committing suicide. -A wonderful version - Freen thought - that didn't make her sound crazy at all.-

Nam and Heng had long since given up on trying to get Freen to engage in conversation. The girl had become lost in her thoughts, so when they got up and said goodbye to her, telling her they were going to get something to eat, they only received a vague affirmative sound from her as they left the apartment.

-I thought she was doing better,- Nam said once they were out on the street.

-And she is, believe me- Heng replied. -It's just that everything with the book has thrown her off a bit. It's normal. It probably brought up some things that had been buried for a while.-

-I thought she was going to die- Nam said suddenly, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. She didn't know why she was telling this to this guy she had just met. But Heng had seen Freen's darkest moments, and she didn't know anyone who could understand her better than him. -I swear I thought she was going to die of pain. I never imagined that someone could break inside and it would be so visible on the outside,- she sighed. -I lost her. I lost her because I didn't walk her home to finish packing her suitcase. I lost her because I asked for one more beer. I'll never forgive myself for letting Freen cross that bridge alone that night.-

Heng looked at her in silence. He didn't know that Nam carried that guilt, and he was sure Freen didn't know either. Whenever they talked about her, Nam appeared as her happy friend, the one who always tried to make her laugh. But the Nam in front of him now had been carrying a guilt that soaked her heart and made it as heavy as a bundle of cloth in water.

-I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all this. You must think I'm a downer- the girl said, trying to lighten the dramatic moment that had arisen after her confession.

-You don't have to apologize. Loving Freen that way automatically makes you one of my favorite people- he shrugged -so congratulations- he smiled. And Nam relaxed. -Come on, let's go, I'm starving.-

*