FAR FROM ERIS • FreenBecky •

FIFTY - ONE

Becky didn't know how she managed to drive the two hours it took to get to the city. She hadn't stopped crying since she left the bridge, and for several minutes she remained curled up over the steering wheel trying to control the spasms of her body. Leaving Freen there had probably been the most painful thing she had ever done voluntarily. Every step she took, she wished she could turn back, hug her, and swear to her that she didn't care which universe they were in, that she was in love with her and all her possible versions, and that she could never leave her.

And yet that's what she had done, she had abandoned her on that bridge. Because every cell in her body hurt to see Freen suffer because of her. It was the first time she felt that her presence wasn't helping her, but quite the opposite, and it was something she couldn't bear. After all, if she hadn't appeared in her life, Freen would never have remembered her, and now she wouldn't be like this.

She wished so much that Freen would stop her, that she would scream at her, that she would run after her. But Freen wouldn't do that, because her struggle was so profound that she wouldn't share it with anyone.

She parked the car in front of Patty's building, not knowing what she would do next. It was the first time since she had arrived in that place that she felt like she wanted to disappear. And she understood that nothing made sense there without Freen. She checked her phone, but Nam hadn't replied after she sent her a message before leaving te bridge, telling her that Freen was there. She wanted to know about her, she wanted to know if she had stayed there. She wanted to know if Nam was by her side.

When she entered the house, she didn't expect to find Patty awake; it was very late, and yet the old woman was sitting in her armchair bathed in the light of that huge floor lamp she used for reading.

-Rebecca- she said, closing her book, -finally, where were you?- The old woman seemed concerned.

-I went to look for Freen, Patty- Becky's eyes were red. -And it didn't go very well,- she replied before the old woman could ask. -Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you prepare me for this?-

-How could I have done that?- she asked. -I thought you wouldn't believe me, because they were just suspicions until Freen remembered your face, and I found out about it this morning.-

-You could have tried. You could have warned me and not allowed me to fall in love with her- tears welled up again, but her expression was as hard as ice.

-Would that have stopped it?- she asked. -I couldn't intervene in your feelings for Freen, that was something that happened long before I even sensed any of this.-

-It doesn't matter anymore because Freen now sees me as the source of her pain. It doesn't matter if I'm alive or dead, or whatever happened to me. Now Freen only sees suffering around me- Becky was angry, confused, and her heart hurt. -I don't know what to do. Or what to believe. All of this is madness and shouldn't have happened.-

-Rebecca...- Patty began.

-No, Patty. I don't want to keep talking about this.-

-Here again- Nam said with her hands in her jacket pockets. -I never thought you'd come back.-

-You see. It seems that life keeps surprising us- Freen replied, sitting on the ground with her back against the bridge's iron bars. -I didn't think I could come back either, and look. Now I can't leave- she sighed. -How did you know I was here?-

-Becky- Nam replied.

-Of course- Freen said. -I guess she wanted to make sure I didn't jump off the bridge after her. Or after that Becky, anyway,- Freen said. -Do you know that in the end, it turned out I'm not as crazy as we thought?-

Nam frowned, not understanding. Freen laughed weakly. -I saw her commit s.uicide, Nam. I saw her. She jumped right in front of me.-

-I've been talking to Becky, and she told me she didn't jump- Nam said, confused.

-Exactly- Freen replied. -And do you know what explanation Patty gave me?- Nam's confusion became even more visible. -Yes, the-old-woman-Patty seems to have some pretty interesting secrets about how the universe works. She told me that the day Becky didn't jump, here, precisely where we are now- she said, opening her arms and pointing to the bridge -a window to another universe opened.-

-You're kidding me- Nam said. -Am I supposed to believe that?-

-Supposedly, yes- Freen said, running her hands over her face. She was exhausted. -She told me that that night I saw a Becky from another universe, who jumped. While our Becky talked to the Freen on the other side. Who apparently was an improved version of me, and she got Becky not to jump- Freen explained all this with a calmness that left Nam bewildered.

-Freen, what you're telling me sounds like a TV series- she snorted. -What evidence do you have that what she's telling you is real?-

-That Becky is alive, I suppose. That she exists here, when I saw her jump. That she says she left the bridge with the other Freen, and I believe her because Becky wouldn't have to make something like that up- she sighed. -Because no one, ever, could have survived this fall- she said, pointing to the river. -Maybe Patty's theory is crazy, but what other explanation could I give to this?-

-I don't know, Freen. All I know is that Becky was completely frantic looking for you this morning. That she found out you were here and drove two hours just to make sure you were okay. And if she's not here, it's because you didn't want her to stay by your side- Freen lowered her gaze. -Am I wrong?-

-When I look at her, all I see is her body falling into the river, Nam- she whispered. -It's horrible. I've spent years trying to remember her face, and for what? I had learned to live with that hole. I was happy, I was in love with her.-

-You are, Freen; you're in love with her- Nam intervened.

-Right now, I don't even know what I'm feeling. It's as if I suddenly emptied myself. I don't feel anything at all.-

Nam sighed. Practically back to square one. -We've been here before, Freen. This is familiar territory. Don't get lost on that path again, because now you know how to get back home- Nam said, extending her hand. -Let's go, this bridge has had enough of you.-

**