I only bathed at all just to say that I was bathin' in case anyone dared challenged my descent into human garbage dump. No one bothered to get close enough to challenge me, but it was just a security blanket that helped me maintain my high confidence levels. Stoppin' my bathin' to this level also allowed for me to start formin' a permanent film of sweat, grease, and food all over my body. There were very visible deposits of damp gunk that formed in my rolls as a result of my messy eatin' and constant sweatin'. Sometimes I'd even use the buildup as dip for when I was snackin' on chips; it gave a nice salty flavor mixed Despite bein' worried about others challengin' my scent, I was absolutely sure that my fluids and half chewed food was better clothing than any tawdry cotton fabric could be. Honestly, wasn't the whole point of fashion to be attention grabbin' and to express one's true self? By that definition my overpowerin' odors and flashy stains were far more attention grabbin' than any of those wacky outfits they threw up on rail thin runway models. So, I vowed to have the most stylish clothing of anyone around.
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How 2 Slob
FantasyEver'one been wonderin' how I done gone an' did it, turnin' myself into the human example of a pig stench and all fer years now so I reckoned I oughta do what I love an' treat myself to this here biography tellin' you how it happend, every step of t...
