I been scaring folks off for a good while now, but it usually took 'em a minute or two to realize that the room smelled like a dirty locker room, all 'cause of the young lady in there. The first time I ran somebody off 'fore they even caught on was when the family accountant came for a visit and caught me chowin' down on a whole ham in the dining room. I thought I was by myself, burps and farts comin' outta me. I was in a low point of washin' up and wearin' clothes from months back. I glanced up just in time to see the accountant's twisted face as he backed away from the awful smell. With a mouthful of food, I tried to say as sweetly as I could "Likemphf what youfs seef?" I was bein' truthful, wouldn't mind someone givin' my swampy pussy a good rogering during my snack since I was still a virgin at the time. My vibrator just couldn't keep up with either. I'd still pick a messy life over a wild sex life any day. The poor fella, however, wisely left me to my feast without a word. I went back to my ham, speedin' up a bit 'cause I was ready to move on to the whole turkey I had next.
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How 2 Slob
FantasyEver'one been wonderin' how I done gone an' did it, turnin' myself into the human example of a pig stench and all fer years now so I reckoned I oughta do what I love an' treat myself to this here biography tellin' you how it happend, every step of t...
