I Hate Myself

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"Okay class, I want yesterday's homework on my table before school ends today." The teacher announced in front of the class before he leaves. The seconds the teacher left, a group of girls come crowding to your desk.

"[L/name]-san, can I borrow yours? I didn't finish mine yet. I was so tired last night. "

"Me too. [L/name]-san, please?"

As usual, the girls will flock around you just for their advantage. You know that all too well, but you never go against their will.

You used to be a badmouthed person during the elementary school. You never filter your words before it escape your mouth. You didn't see that as a bad thing because you only speak the truth. But people couldn't accept that. So, they started to hate and unfriend you.

You were left alone but your're okay with that. You enjoyed being alone because you don't have to face with the lies and fakes from the people around you. To you, they are only good on the surface but rotten in the inside. But later, you felt empty. You started to feel lonely.

Entering high school, you feel the urge to change. You want to have friends who you can spend time with and talk about stuff. So, you start to treat people nicely as you thought that will make they like you. You often smile and talk nicely to them. You let them copy your homework and help them with their's. You know they are just using you and never treat you as a friend but you still endure that because you still hoping that one day, you will have a true friend.

Day by day, you grow sick of their fakes all over again. You may treat them nicely on the outside but deep inside, you're cursing them. Acting good become harder and harder to you. There are several times when you almost pour the mean words to them but you swallowed it back because you don't want things to be like your past. You're bleeding inside and no one but you know that.

The girls copy your work one word to another. Being the top student in the class is the only reason they flock around you.

"Thanks, [L/name]-san. Can you please send our's to the teacher?"

"Sure." You smiled t o them as they leave your desk.

Everyone in the class hands their homework to you. You heaved a sigh, looking at the pile of books on your desk. They look heavy. And you have to bring it alone to the staff room which is located at the other building.

'It is heavy!' You said to yourself. As you are walking to the staff room with the books, in your head, you keep cursing at your classmates.

'Those stupid heartless b*tches who can't do anything for themselves, you gonna pay for this one day. If only I can do something to them, they will never mess up with me again. But.. I can't do anything. I don't want to.' You sighed again.

You are busy talking to yourself that you don't notice two male students walking toward you. They are talking to each other. One of them is holding a glass sculpture of an apple. Then, the other boy pushes him and that makes him bumps into you.

The books fall scattered to the floor. At the same time, the glass sculpture that the man holds falls and breaks into thousand pieces.

You are pissed off but you control yourself. You don't want to break your act.

"I'm very sorry." You said to the man without looking at his face, as you're busy collecting the books.

"What the hell are you thinking? Don't you see I'm walking here? Now look at what you've done." The man scolds you. You feel the urge to curse him but you still hold it back.

"Hey, Shin-chan, you don't have to be so mean to this pretty lady. You're at fault to. I'm sorry, Miss." The raven haired man helps you to collect the books.

"She broke my lucky item. Oha-asa said that if I don't have my lucky item today I'll get into an accident. I can feel something bad going to happen to me. Hey, you! If anything happens to me, I'll find you. You'll regret you'd ran into me."

His words makes your heart on fire. You just had a bad day, and now the man is scolding you. You stand up from your position and look at the man. Your [eyes color] orbs meet with his green eyes. Automatically, you raise your hand and slap the man on his face.

"You freaking son of a b*tch! Stop blaming me for your own mistake. You're the one who didn't see me. All the books are ruin now and you're keep mumbling about your stupid lucky item. I'm sick of people like you who only thinks about no one but their own self."

The man is stunned by your sudden act, and so his friend. Silence. No sound can be heard. Then, you just realized what you had done. You just broke your kind and nice act. Now they see the real you. Terrified with that thought, you quickly grab all the books and walk away from that place.

"Move your ass away, scumbag." You said, leaving the speechless men behind.

'What had I done?' You asked yourself, regretting the act you made.

You were lucky that there's no one else apart from them there. In your mind, you keep hoping and praying that they forget what had happened.

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