Chasing Catalina | Book One: Worshipping Ashes

11. | The Prey

The kitchen is full of different things. The familiar aromas of Erika's baked mac and cheese, Alistair's Bar-b-que chicken and ribs. The warm white chocolate chip cookies that Erika made fresh filled the whole house, the only comfort I've felt for the last seven days despite the fact that Erika's been basically living under my nose trying to make me feel better after the incident.

"Just come downstairs, Cat... breathe and come talk with us. I think Alistair's brothers are gonna be here later." Erika leans in the doorway of the bedroom as I sit on the bed. Staring across the room at the setting sun that reflected in the window. Sending a warm, golden hue across the room. It seems magical really... but something about it makes it dull. Like an ugly yellow... A dying sunflower, vomit, and dehydrated piss.

I don't want to go downstairs for this little family gathering that both Erika and Alistair thought would help me, but they don't know what I need right now. Hell, I don't even know what I need right now. Silence, careful isolation. I don't know.

"Do I have to?" a soft mutter through the divet between my knees that press against my chin resonates just loud enough for Erika to hear. I know what the answer would be.

Yes, Cat. You have to go. You have to thrust yourself into social gatherings and forget what happened. You have to distract yourself- UGH!

"Yeah. I'd say you do." Erika's brows crease down and knit themselves together tightly. She takes a deep breath in through her nose and wanders into the bedroom, leaning her collar softly against the post of the bed and wrapping her arms around it as she stares down at me while I stare off at the window. Thinking more about that piss yellow that was spilling into my life.

I hate yellow.

"I'd rather you be around people that know you and love you. People who want you to feel better."

"Do you even know what's wrong?" I ask her brutally. My tone is stiff and sharp like a well-tempered blade. Turning around on the mattress to face her as she looks between my eyes for the answer.

"You were-"

"No." I shake my head before she can affirm that sentence. I wasn't going to call it that. It wasn't a rape. I exhale a shaky breath before looking away from her back down to the mattress below me. "No..." I whisper in an echo. "I'm upset, I'm angry- not at him, but at myself."

I know that really pisses Erika off, but does she want the truth or more lies? Her eyes crease down and her breathing becomes shallow. Her heart rate picks up based on the frequency of her breathing.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Don't be angry at yourself, Cat. Be Pissed the fuck off at that fuckhead." She growls angrily as she points behind me in a direction. It was bullshit, she thought, but it makes sense in my mind.

"I don't wanna be angry at him, Erika... I mean-" I pause and catch my breath in my throat. "I am angry at him, but I'm more angry at myself for enjoying it."

The silence between us is deafening and I even want to punch myself for even thinking that. I can hear every little noise that's happening in the entire house it seems. The clanking of dishes before the opening of the front door with a hearty Hello and laughter coming from Alistair and his brothers. Which just makes me close my eyes and duck my head down.

Why did they have to put this together today?

Erika pushes a hand to my shoulder, and I flinch. Moving away from her and crossing my arms over my chest in a self hug kind of manner as I cross the bedroom to the window. I lean my shoulder against the window pane and I stare out of the window until I swear I see him standing there in the middle of the road. Staring up to me... A cigarette hanging between his lips. My breathing stops and my heart sinks down into the pit of my stomach. Every bit of color drains from my face and neck as a bead of sweat drips down my temple.