What Happens Now?

11

The air was heavy with moisture, trapped in the same four walls. While a chant was heard in the otherwise silent room.

"It's okay. It's okay. it's okay...you're okay. Everything's okay." The chant continued however no effect was to be seen.

Her hands trembled, her hold on the pen seemed to slip with how sweaty her hands were.

"No No No No..!" A frustrated voice striked.

She held her hands in each other tightly, tightening the hold till her knuckles turned white.

"Dugga Maa, pleasee...stop this." She prayed as she hit her hand on her study desk, a bit too harshly.

But Bondita couldn't care less. She hit harder and harder, till the pain became too much to ignore.

She opened her hands back, looking at her shivering, sweaty, red palms.

"It's okay bondita...it's okay. Such an easy question."

She took in deep breaths, the fresh air coming in from the opened window.

The trembles slowly subsided, making her calm down a bit.

"Good..you're doing good. It's okay, it's okay....you're okay..." she tried to soothe herself with the same words, noticing some change happening. She sighed in relief, staring at her hands.

Soon, the shivers stopped except for few occasional trembles but her eyes didn't leave her palms. Opened loosely, as if the sand grains had slipped through.

Or something precious.

And to some extent, it was true. Too many precious things had slipped through to count. And it seemed as if more were continuing to do so.

"Hey dugga Maa...!" She called out the beloved mother, praying for her to do some sort of miracle for her.

She waited, and waited, and waited. For the trembles to stop completely, but no. The miracle didn't happen.

Bondita sighed in defeat, not having the energy to wish for more.

2:13 am...

It was quite late in the night, or early in the morning, whatever you'd say. And she was up, solving her mathematical questions. She was doing great, until that one question.

That drained out all the confidence she had built with the rest of the questions. And that's when the anxiety attack set in.

Her body no more in her control, her mind no more in her control. Body
trembling with mind a haze.

It was a petty problem, just a question she was unable to solve.

But it somehow worried her, too much. She was trying to complete her syllabus as soon as she could, but mathematics was harder than it seemed to be.

She stayed up late at night, just for mathematics but it seemed so difficult. All the numbers and letters seemed to jumble up in her mind.

She could go to aniruddh, yes.
But she didn't want to.

The thought of him being disappointed in her for unable to solve such easy questions, was too scary.

She didn't want to be a disappointment.
Not to him, not to anyone.

Thus, she worked harder each day just for the tests.

Not exams but unit tests.

So much worry and stress for just a unit test. Stupid right?

Maybe it was.

But she was okay to be stupid as long as aniruddh would be proud.

She took in a deep breath and released it, some of the tension leaving her body.