Raymond Smith

//Chapter fifteen//

You slowly woke to the smell you had grown to love over the last couple of months. The smell of the cologne belonging to the man you loved even more. Not only his smell surrounded you but also his arms. His beautiful, strong arms carried you outside this nightmare.
"Raymond."
You whispered happily. He immediately looked down at your bruised face and smiled.
"Hey."
He whispered back.
"How do you feel?"
You scoffed. And that was enough of an answer. Mickey rushed to Ray as he saw him carrying you. He stroke some hair from your face before kissing your forehead.
"She needs to get into a hospital."
Raymond said with great concern in his voice.
"No! No hospital. How are you going to explain this without getting any police involved. I have a friend that'll help her. He is the best doctor i know."
Raymond nodded before carrying you into one of the cars. He took a seat in the back, putting your head into his lap. He watched and caressed you the entire drive, hoping you would make it through it. He had covered you with a blanket from the trunk and put his jacket under your head trying to make you feel as comfortable as possible. He had never worried as much as he had throughout those three hours. He had also truly never been as angry as he was during that call. During the ride he tried fixing you up a bit so you wouldn't bleed to death but it was of course only amateurish. When you arrived at his house the doctor already stood in front of his door waiting for him to let him inside.
"Oh lord."
He said as he saw Raymond carrying your almost lifeless body to the door. One of the men unlocked the door for him and he quickly laid you onto the sofa. The doctor began with his work, he started with the huge cut on your thigh, he began cleaning it, treating it and sewing it close before bandaging it. He continued with the injures the weird belt caused and finally your face. While he did so Raymond put on a fire, heating up the room. He made tea and tried distracting himself after the doctor had told him there was nothing he could do. So he went outside with the tea kettle and sat down next to his boss, poured him a cup and sighed. Mickey was tired and exhausted but happy, happy that you were alive and would hopefully make it. He had buried his face into his hands but gratefully accepted the tea. Soon his wife arrived and after it was declared that you would be fine she took him home. Raymond cleaned up the bloody mess the doctor left on his couch and soon went upstairs into the bedroom and checked on you. He carefully opened the door, walked up to the bed and knelt down in front of it. It almost looked like he was praying to you. The whole room, the entire house was so quiet it seemed like the world had paused, like it had stopped just for a moment. Soon the silence was filled with quiet sniffs and cries. They were soft but full of guilt and pain. Tears had started rolling down Raymonds cheeks and he finally let his guard down. Something he hadn't done in years  he hoped you were asleep and couldn't hear nor see him but he could in fact not care less. He felt a strange sensation creeping and building up inside him, like a parasite spreading across his entire body. The feeling wasn't unknown to him, he felt guilt. But what was unknown was it's intensity. He had never felt anything as strong, no let me correct that, besides the love he felt for you he had never felt anything that strong.
"I'm sorry."
He whispered as he softly stroke some hair out of your swollen face. He let a strangled breath out before continuing.
"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I- I'm sorry about leaving you alone. About not protecting you properly. About letting him do this you."
He spoke quietly, his voice was pressed and you could hear the pain in it.
"I had one job, protecting you, and not even that i could do right. I'm such a failure. I'm so sorry. God....i...you don't deserve this. You don't deserve someone treating you so poorly. I should've risked my life for the sake of your safety. I would've but i didn't. What is wrong with me? For once in my life i actually have something to protect but i fucked up anyway."
He buried his face deep inside his hands while still kneeling in front of your injured body. His thoughts became louder and harsher but suddenly, from one second to the other they quieted down. It was like a room full of students had silenced because the principal entered. And they only shut down because he felt a shaking, warm hand on his head. It was like the hand touched more than his hair, like the hand went inside his head and turned the lever that controlled his negative thoughts. The touch was enough to send a shiver of warmth, love and comfort through Raymonds entire body.
"It's not your fault!"
He could hear escape from your lips faintly. His head snapped up and looked at you, your hand was still resting on his head and softly slid down to his neck to keep caressing it.
"I'm so sorry."
He said with tears beginning to roll over his cheeks again. You only shook your head with the biggest smile you could give him (not very big) and pulled his head towards you. He didn't resist and gently placed his head on your chest, listening to your heart beat.
"But if i wouldn't have let you out of sight..."
You shushed him down and kept on caressing his head. You suddenly felt his hands on one of your sides, the other holding your free hand and it somehow looked like you were a power source he needed to fill up his battery, otherwise he might not survive much longer.
"Thank you."
You mumbled.
"For what? It's my fault you are even in this position."
"No it's not."
You spoke faintly.
"I want to thank you for rescuing me and for being there for me...no one's ever really been there for me like you have. So...thank you."
He looked up to search for reassurance on your face and finally nodded before giving the hand he held a soft kiss. He wasn't sure if it would be alright to you but he had an urge to not leave your side ever again, he blamed himself for all of it. The death of the son, the anger of the father, the kidnapping, the torture. He laid down next to you after he had taken off his shoes, jacket and jeans, he had put on a t-shirt and crawled underneath the blanket. It was almost 5am by then and he looked at you one last time before finally falling asleep. You didn't realize but while the two of you were sleeping you both moved closer to each other like two little magnets and crawled into each others arms, cuddling until about 12pm. It was like you were both in such need of the touch from the other that it happened so automatically. And this time as you woke up you didn't feel the sudden urge to get away from him, in fact you wanted to get even closer to him. So you pulled, with all the force you had after just waking up, your body closer against his so there was basically no more air between the two of you left. Your head pressed against his warm chest, your arms wrapped around his torso while your legs were intertwined, again. You felt something not describable in human words, but it came close to the feeling of safety, of home and love. And so you fell back asleep for just a few minutes. In those few minutes Raymond woke up, and he was just as surprised and panicky as the first time but that feeling was being completely absorbed by the scent of you. You smelled sweet and fresh and so dreamy. And your hand on his back relaxed him more than he could've ever imagined and suddenly he let his mind wander off, something he had forbid himself since he felt the first klick inside him while looking into your eyes. Out of fear something could be formed, some needs, some wants, just by thinking. As he let himself relax his mind was fully loose and also his thoughts about the future, the future with you. He fantasized about the two of you waking up together, you giving him small good morning kisses before getting up, throwing on one of his shirts and running downstairs to make breakfast. He'd sneak up and hug you from behind while you'd make coffee, he'd kiss you along your neck, brush away your beautiful hair and inhale your sweet scent. He fantasized about coming home from work, arriving to a house that smells of his favorite dishes while your standing in the kitchen, singing. Or picking you up from photo shoots, driving you around, getting food, looking at the landscape. He fantasizes about making you lunch but before even getting to eating he picks you up, sets you on the counter and makes out with you until the smell of the burnt food is too overwhelming. He dreams about softly holding you, about hugging and embracing you, about you holding and caressing him. And suddenly he felt your hand on his back move, it softly stroke above his back as your face starting moving as well. At first it just twisted around but soon it pulled back away from his chest, he pulled away his hand softly resting on the mattress behind you.
"Good morning."
You groaned while rubbing your eye.
"G-good morning."
He stuttered out hoping you wouldn't freak out again. You sighed before looking up directly into his eyes with a big, bright smile.
"I could get used to waking up like this."
You mumbled and only then realized you just said that out loud. Embarrassment crept up inside you and you wanted to scream and die until...
"Me too."
Raymond said as he brought his hand to your face, pushed a strand of hair out of it and softly stroke above your cheek. Your lungs stopped working, your heart stopped beating, your brain stopped functioning. But that didn't matter, as long as this was real, as long as you could see him, hear him, feel him, that was enough. Who needs air if you have a man like him in front of you? But of course you had to remember right in that moment that your lovely brother made an explicit rule about not dating any of his employees. So the fear of your brother finding out about this, about what you might be feeling for him crept you out. You jumped out of the bed, well...tried. Suddenly you also remembered you were being stabbed and injured in other ways just a couple of hour ago but sadly too late, you were on the edge of the bed as you tried getting up and tripped. You didn't feel any pain, not even when falling.
"Jesus christ, Y/N."
Raymond said as he jumped up and sprinted over to you, he helped you get up by holding onto to your upper arms and pulled you up, helping you sit down on the bed again. 
"Fuck! The Doctor must've done a pretty good job on sedating me. I didn't feel a thing."
You said while chuckling awkwardly and tucking some hair behind your ear.
"Are you alright?"
Raymond said as he knelt down on one knee to be on an eye level with you. You only nodded before turning around, you couldn't look at him. Not now. Not when the feeling was so intense. You walked downstairs but weren't alone for long. Raymond followed you immediately after you had left and walked into the kitchen with you. You sat down and groaned.
"I've never felt so worn out."
You mumbled into your hands before setting your head on the table in front of you, still pretending like this morning had been completely normal.
"I'm sure it'll pass soon."
He poured you a glass of orange juice and wordlessly set it down in front of you. You looked up and emptied it in one sip. Raymond watched you impressed and set down the container next to you so you'd be able to refill. After he made some toast he sat down in front of you and had some silent breakfast. That was one of the things you enjoyed most about him. He didn't even need to talk to amaze you. You loved the silence, it was never awkward, you've just cuddled with your bodyguard in the same bed and now your eating breakfast and it's somehow still comfortable around him. Until you let your mind wander off and daydream a bit, you realized again what had just happened the past few hours. It was as if you had lost your memory of years and just gained it back in a snap of a finger. You set down your glass, almost in shock. Raymond noticed and seemed a bit concerned.
"Everything alright?"
You couldn't even respond in any way. He waited for a response while strange feelings inside you increased and started boiling up. You weren't sure what to do, you've had so many panic attacks lately that one might assume you'd be done with it by now. But somehow it was as if you embraced it and that made it so much more endurable, you let it take you over and that way it swept over you like a wave but only moments later it was gone again. You took a couple of deep breaths and it was just gone.
"What the fuck?"
You whispered to yourself.
"What? Are you alright?"
"Yeah."
You said softly.
"What just happened?"
"What do you mean?"
He asked in a mix of concern and curiosity.
"Have i just been kidnapped by a Russian mafia boss who then tortured me in order to piss off my brother?"
Raymond raised his eyebrows.
"I think that narrows it down pretty nicely."
Both of you chuckled. You stroke your hands above your face before groaning loudly again.
"Maybe you should get some more rest."
You nodded, got up and walked over to the sink, set your dirty glass inside and hesitated before turning back around to face Raymond, looked at the floor though instead of him.
"Hey. Uh...about the whole...cuddling thing."
"Yeah?"
Something in his voice sounded...scared.
"I don't think we should...read anything into it. Right?"
Now you looked up at him. Maybe that was what overwhelmed him.
"Yeah. No. Of course not."
You nodded once more before finally heading back upstairs.
"Oh and uh...thank you again for uhm...getting me out of there. For well saving me, i guess."
Raymond smiled at you as a response before you turned back around and vanished back into the bedroom. After you left Raymond dropped his toast onto his plate and buried his face into his hands. He wanted to yell in frustration but he decided to shut up, you might hear him. How possible is it that he falls in love with his bosses baby sister? The only one he couldn't get. It was basically illegal, morally. What was he going to do now? Going on like this could get unhealthy. Suddenly the door bell rang, Raymond got up to open the door and it was the order for his new bed. One problem solved. He would put it up in the empty room of his house he had no use for yet. At least he had something to do for the day.