【The Incident | Seongjoong】

Pain Messages | CHAP 13

TW: Feelings of derealization, blood and violence.

Seonghwa sighed, he wasn't at school today, His phone kept blowing up from the girls on his instagram asking to the Fall Annual Dance. He hated it.

He was at the hospital today visiting his mother who had been battling leukemia for around 10 months now, She had been put on chemotherapy and now radiation, His mother was in her room, The only thing that Seonghwa could hear was the sound of machines. 

Her body being weak from all the treatment made breathing difficult. So she was on a breathing machine, His sweet mother didn't deserve this, She worked with students with disabilities she was the sweetest soul and loved Seonghwa with all her heart.

Though she never knew about her son's urges of violence, Seonghwa would never harm his mom, But he wanted to harm anyone else. He didn't how deal with his emotions. The thing is, Seonghwa grew up in healthy house. A loving dad and mother, who loved each other, and were affectionate in front of him, which was rare in asian culture.

Seonghwa hated how he was evil. at least that's what he thought of himself. He struggled connecting to others, understanding them too. And he hated it. He felt so different. Sometimes he wished that he wasn't human. 

Seonghwa got put into therapy in his late elementary school years, because he violently acted out, he would slap his teachers when they didn't understand him, He would constantly yell at the other students. Finally the school called his father.

Seonghwa was diagnosed with a form of a  neurodevelopmental disorder, after months of talk therapy. He was doing a lot better but he still struggled with social connections and empathy. And still struggled with at 18. 

He watched his mother breath in and out. He was told he was gifted his whole life. But, school was easy to him. He was in different honors societies throughout his schooling, so he decided to try sports, And he chose Track, and he thrived in it. He soon was the fastest kid in school after he competed nationally and won he was hit with a wave of popularity. 

He kissed his mother's hand, She was asleep, Seonghwa had spent the day with her had she gone through another round of radiation, he gifted her favorite flowers that were orchids. He sighed. He hated seeing his mother like this.

--
Seonghwa was on his bed. He couldn't stop thinking about Hongjoong. Everytime he closed his eyes his soft eyes appeared and he hated it. He didn't know how to deal with emotion that love or how to perceive it. He rolled onto his stomach and groaned. 

Tonight was nice, maybe he could go to park? he needed to clear his mind. He got out of his bed and got dressed in black sweat pants and a black hoodie. He sat on the bench and pulled out a cigarette pack.

Nicotine was the thing that could calm him down from his thoughts after his medications stopped working. but his parents didn't know that. He breathed in the cigarette. 

Hongjoong was walking home from the library, He needed to return one of his books, He hated walking at night. But as long as he stayed on lighted sidewalk he should be fine. Till he saw something.

It was Seonghwa but.. he was crying, Hongjoong couldn't not help him. Yes, he was aware that Seonghwa said things to him, but he couldn't stand seeing a person crying. 

No i shouldnt do it
But, He's crying?
He is crying that's why you should help him.

His thoughts fought with him, maybe this might start a friendship between him and Seonghwa finally? Hongjoong knew there more to him than what meets the eye. At least, that's what Yunho said. 

Hongjoong took a deep breath in, His heart raced. His palms started to get sweaty. Half of his being told him to stay away. Awhile the other told him to the run to him. 

Seonghwa had no idea why he was crying, Maybe all the stress of life started come crashing down on him. Seonghwa had always struggled with himself allowing to cry, he felt vulnerable and he hated that. 

Seonghwa got startled when he saw the small boy looking down at him. Struggling with words. Hongjoong anxiety was getting the best of him. that he couldn't say "Are you okay?" to Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa quickly wiped his tears away. "What do you want Kim Hongjoong?!" he said snappy feeling vulnerable that out of all the people in the world, Hongjoong saw him crying. He teased and mocked Hongjoong to make him stay away from Seonghwa. And here he stands.

"I- I- w-wanted to ask if you w-were a-alright." Hongjoong whispered. Seonghwa scoffed "Do i look fucking alright to you?" Hongjoong gulped. He nodded. Why wasn't he walking away, he clearly doesn't want your help.

Hongjoong made the irresponsible decision of sitting by Seonghwa "i-i'm sorry.." Seonghwa stiffed at the sounds of that. Why the hell was he saying sorry?  This isn't your fault. He thought. "Don't fucking apologize" he said coldly. Hongjoong didn't know to comfort him. 

"L-listen.. I- I- know we have had o-our d-differences m-maybe.." Hongjoong mouth stopped working. he's so getting so nervous. it almost felt rebellious. "Maybe what" Seonghwa spatted. Hongjoong cough a bit, "B-become f-friends?" 

Seonghwa heart broke hearing that. But, he knew Hongjoong deserved better, so he faked a cocky smile "Me, you friends? you must be still high from Mingi's party." Ugh, Seonghwa hated Hongjoong but not literally. 

Hongjoong gulped. His eyes scattering trying to find the courage to leave, but he stayed. "B-but why?" He whispered. Seonghwa barely hearing him. Seonghwa stood up. "Because why i befriend a freak like you in the first place! ANSWER ME THAT!" Seonghwa hated this, But he wanted to keep Hongjoong away from him. Seonghwa knew he wasn't a good person and like said before. Hongjoong didn't deserve that. 

Hongjoong instead feeling scared, He felt upset? that's new. But if someone tried to befriend and comfort you, you shouldn't be a yelling bitch at them.

"Well maybe your a freak too!" Hongjoong snapped back. Seonghwa froze, no way the sweet Hongjoong was standing up to him. 

"Maybe because i feel like- I don't know- f-feel p-pettiness towards you!" Hongjoong spatted more. He wanted to make a statement towards Seonghwa.

Seonghwa was upset now, What point of staying away did he not understand? "I DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU HONGJOONG!" He yelled at Hongjoong. Hongjoong smiled. Seonghwa didn't like that reaction, why the hell was he smiling after getting yelled at?

"You finally said my name right." Hongjoong said calmly. Hongjoong was surprised he wasn't crying by now or stuttering badly. Seonghwa looked at him and sighed out of frustration.

"I don't want to be friends with a person like you" he said harshly.

 Hongjoong was started to get pissed off "your then clearly not the worth the time maybe you aren't just ready for a person like me. Plus i don't live such a fucking miserable life! at least im living with a purpose" Hongjoong didn't mean to be that cruel. 

Seonghwa loved Hongjoong, but god damn that hurt. Out of a new started anger. He pushed Hongjoong. Hongjoong fell. But he got up and pushed harder. Seonghwa barely moved. 

Seonghwa sighed and just started walking away. Hongjoong didn't why he acted like that. Why was he so ramped up about Seonghwa? All of sudden he felt so badly so he ran after Seonghwa "L-listen i'm s-sorry I- I-" He grabbed his wrist.

Seonghwa ripped his wrist away from Hongjoong "Just leave me alone Hongjoong!" Hongjoong lost his balance and fell again in a mud spot. He didn't fight or run after him. He soon lost sight of Seonghwa. And the guilt killed him.

He wouldn't like if anyone treated him like that. He got up and tried his best to get rid of mud stains on.

But Seonghwa knew that was the wake-up call he needed.
--
It was friday. And Hongjoong was walking to 1st period, till  he was harshly grabbed by a taller boy and thrown to the ground, it was group of boys and girls, Hongjoong tried to get up, But he couldn't he was being held down. The boys and the girls were punching and kicking him harshly causing his ribs to snap and crackle. 

Hongjoong was weak. He couldn't defend himself. He started crying due to the intense pain and coughing up blood . The group mocked his crying and were calling him slurs or any more mean terminology they could come up with. After they were done jumping Hongjoong "Don't you ever disrespect Seonghwa again." One of the boys whispered in his ears  And some girls empty out their drinks onto Hongjoong and they all left. 

He curled up in a ball, The reason why the group left him was because San and Mingi fought them off, He was in his own bath of blood. His chest and ribs were killing him coughing up blood feeling extremely dizzy, fatigued and confused. 

He didn't feel real, it hurt to breathe. The world was spinning around him. His vision became blurry and he barely feel when someone was pulling his body. 

Then he passed out due to the overwhelming pain. Seeing Seonghwa in the distance before he closing  his eyes.

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Hello! sorry if these 2 last chapters are lame, but trust me the story is going to get more interesting