𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐦; 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱

33‣ 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙠-𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙚

trigger warning; brief mention of sexual assault(s)

Nature speaks if you're willing to hear, with its harmonies of peace, its songs of beauty, its melody of magic, everything nature says is divine existence. Felix hadn't been able to pay such close attention to the whispers of nature until now, until he sat with his back pressed against Hyunjin's bloodied chest. The knowledge was a prime piece of grotesque revulsion, and Felix didn't know how to sit quietly with it in this deep path of the forest 

with the constant huffing of Aster, her hooves clashing on the ground, the leaves rustling, winds ushering, birds singing and everything humming; it was a little difficult to pay much mind to his own thoughts. Before the groundbreaking revelation, Felix had tried to give Hyunjin the benefit of the doubt as to why he would have blood on him, tried to reason his thoughts and quiet them but then the veil was lifted and all of his beliefs about Hyunjin came crashing down on him, drowning him in the tsunami of his own overwhelming thoughts

it was too much, far too much than he could ever handle. Never in his life would Felix have ever thought something even remotely close to this would ever occur to him, nothing in his life could have prepared him for this. How was he supposed to react? was he to scream? Hyunjin was a murderer, he had just gotten kidnapped and brought back all without his remembrance, he sits in a place that seems too far away from anything he knows

not to forget the very land that belongs to a mafia lord, a mafia lord that was his bed-mate, the mafia lord whose gifted bracelet he never took off, the mafia lord he'd find himself fantasizing about a little too much, the mafia lord whose name was saved as 'Hotter than my ex, better than my next' and it made him blush so much each time that he was forced by his own sensical thinking to change, the mafia lord he had become a little too used to, a little too attached to

but the awareness that Hyunjin wasn't just some godly handsome, could-buy-your-entire-dynasty-with-the-nod-of-a-head type of rich, fatally intimidating, with the aura of the devil himself type of man, instead, he was a mafia lord, a fucking mafia lord! and no matter how many times that word is repeated in Felix's mind he cannot seem to get rid of its weight. It feels like something has entirely shifted in the air, like the breath filling his lungs is made up of something akin to tension-coated strangeness

Yet with all of this heavy and sickening knowledge, all of the things that have changed, all the truths and the lies, what had ripped through the fabric of Felix's wonderland worst is the fact that Hyunjin wasn't the person Felix thought he knew and had begun to care for. He was someone else entirely, someone who was hiding behind the skin of a dangerously enigmatic gentleman. Or maybe it had only been Felix himself who saw Hyunjin more than what he was

who tried to scratch beyond his dark aura and chose to admire his softly shining demeanor instead, maybe Felix should have known better. So to cope with everything that is crackling in his mind like an overgrown fire, he decides to numb it all out, decides to act like nothing has changed for the sake of his sanity until his scattered mind is finally working again. 

Hyunjin, on the other hand, has been quiet the entire time they've been in the forest. He doesn't know what to say at all, he had said all that he could earlier in the bedroom and now every word he could form is fading behind the static of his mind like a record scratcher scratching only to stop mid-way and begin again, searching and scratching. There's so much noise in his mind but somehow no sound is coherent enough so he just sits there, holding Felix between his arms and riding off deep into the woods because he can only think again when Felix decides to react on the dominoes that have cascaded between them.

Minutes pass, the sun that should be shining bright with a past twelve-afternoon glow is hidden behind clouds and the tall trees make the atmosphere tenfold gloomier. Fellix has been going over the situation over and over again in his mind, trying to read through it, trying to understand it as best as he could but he just can't possibly fathom it. It all feels so impossibly unreal and it feels unmanageable to try and come to terms with this revelation on his own, without having any more answers than the mere ones he has been given