siwon's pov
November 7th.
My 19th birthday.
It was a weekend, i decided to stay at home without contacting anyone, listening to my favourite songs. I woke up at 10 am though.. Not like i had anything to do anyway, so i just kept lying on my bed untill it was 12 am.
I was kind of surprised when i didn't see wonsung wishing me. He had been the first to wish me every year. I guessed his ass forgot, whatever. I got up from the bed and did my morning routine even though it was noon.
Then went to study. I thought of something to order and eat since it was my birthday. So i began to scroll my phone. There was a text from my sister.
: (happy) birthday!!
: want me to come?
No, thank you.:
: awh. alright whatever. i thought of doing that since u got no friends.
wanna listen to something? :
Stop texting or calling that punk and move on. I'm deadass serious about this:
: woah, how do u know that again? Did u hack onto my phone?
You moron, you really think i have the time to do that? :
I met seungho a couple of days ago :
don't embarrass yourself and give up :
: sure, i'll. Happy birthday again my lovely sister.
Fuck off :
: make sure you treat yourself better today, yea? also you know what mom said?
i dont want to know :
Pls help urself by not texting me anymore today :
: she also wished you happy birthday.
: also told you to come over.
seen
Oh. She could have texted herself. Trash. Everything was trash. Or atleast.. Could have called me. She always did this every year, just telling my sister to wish me on behalf of her. I knew it was embarrassing to give birth to me in the first place. Why would you celebrate it? Just forget me.
Just forget that i was ever your daughter. Or..
Maybe..
You could treat me a little better. You could let me have friends. You let me think that i was enough. You could let me have the things i deserved. Yes, i knew i never deserved anything good.
That was what you always had told me, and i believed it.
I was a burden. Always would be. Every fucking day, i woke up to your scoldings. Every damn day, i faced your anger. I also saw how two faced you acted when you were talking with my elder sister. I wasn't jealous. I wasn't angry. I wasn't mad.
I felt empty. Was that emotion not allowed to be felt? Or.. Was it not allowed because i was feeling it? I didn't fucking know.
I realized how tears dropped on my phone as i got in my deep thoughts once again.
I sometimes wondered..
