Ocean Of Need

36 Dark Candy

May 12th Cont..

We've been out for hours. Food, then drinks, then more drinks, now we're in some club called Dark Candy...

You didn't want to go back to Unleashed. I can't imagine I'll ever go back there again. I need to see Roxy at some point. Work out what's going on there, but for tonight it's just us two.

We needed some fun after all the drama. Needed to drink and dance and let off steam.The whole day has been filled with us laughing, flirting, holding hands, messing around.

Now that I know you don't have a family tucked away somewhere I feel a lot more open. There have been multiple public displays of affection and the whole world is smiling back at us. Is this what it feels like to be in a normal relationship? To have a boyfriend and go out on dates?

I've never had a normal relationship so I wouldn't know. When you're the only daughter of a family of criminals, nice guys tend to shy away from you. Even in London I didn't have this. I was Jameson's. Everyone knew that and everyone was afraid of him. The relationships I had were under the radar discreet to the point of being invisible, and only ever with people in the same line of business as me and Jameson.

Not that you are a 'nice guy'. Not that you aren't a criminal. But just for today, 'we' feel like a normal 'we.'

It's hot tonight, close, not suffocating, but almost.

Your mouth is next to me as you say, 'Amber, I want a cigarette. Let's go.'

'But I don't want to go.'

'Not go - go. Just out the back door, into the car park. Quick cigarette and we'll come back.'

'Oh, right, sure,' I say and follow you. Even though I don't want to, even though my favourite song has just come on.

You head for the back of the club, duck behind a speaker to the emergency exit that isn't alarmed.

Outside you light a cigarette, take a deep drag on it and pass it to me. I do like these moments. When it's just you and me. Sharing poison. Ears ringing from the after effects of the music. But I'm cold and it's starting to drizzle.

'I'm cold,' I whine.

You crush the cigarette under your boot. Then light another one.

'You can't have it all your own way, all the time, Amber,' you say around the side of the cigarette clamped between your teeth.

I narrow my eyes. You're still angry. Of course you are. Someone touched your toy and you don't like it. You were bound to get angry again at some point, even though you think it's not my fault.

I have a feeling that you especially don't like that you think they deliberately used me to get to you. That gives you a weakness. I have become your weakness. And that makes you mad as well as pissing me off.

I wonder for how long you'll be angry and what I can do to distract you. I want to make this day fun again, and if I can't make it fun, at least I can distract you from the hurt of what happened.

I turn and walk towards the cars in the car park. I start checking the doors, hoping to find an unlocked one I can sit in and stay dry. Maybe you'll follow me, maybe that's how I'll distract you...in someone else's car.

The first two cars have locked doors, I start walking to the next one when you say, 'Amber..Don't.' Your voice has a warning tone in it.

I don't know if it's the alcohol, or if it's the tone of your voice, but I just don't want to back down, so I try the next car door.