Ocean Of Need

17 Missing

May 3rd

It's been four days since we played in the cage. Four days since I've seen you. Did I do something wrong? Did I put you off? Is it my body, or my mind that doesn't do it for you? Or are you just busy? But how busy would you have to be not to let me know you're ok?

I can't message you, because I'm not sure what your set up is. What if I called you and your girlfriend picked up? Or your wife? Or your kids? Do you have any of those things? The unspoken agreement of not asking any of these questions was alright when you were here. But now that you've disappeared I have no idea what to do. Should I just call? But then...

Fuck. I have no idea what to do. The only thing I can do, is what I always do. I put on my favourite sad sound track - Cigarettes After Sex, put my headphones on, pull out a piece of paper, feed it into the typewriter and punch my feelings into the letters.

I find great comfort in the sad sensual music as I write poems full of longing and loss, while I simmer in the missing of you.

My relationships always have been outside the norm. It's a rare kind of a man that I like to get involved with. And on their part, it takes a bit of pushing, a bit of empathy, the right kind of words for me to stay a while.

I am not a book that needs to be re-written. In fact, I'm pretty common. The words I love to hear are, 'Mine,' and 'Good girl,' or, 'Who is in charge?' And, 'Do you want me to take what I want?'

It's not that hard to read me, if you know what you're looking for. You proved that on our second day in this room. You had me figured out right from the start.

But it's not possible to tame me either. Not that you'd want to. Because I belong only to me, and deep down, I believe that we are all truly free.

Maybe I needed a few days away from you to remember that. Maybe this is a good thing. This gap. This space.

The only game today can be the waiting one.