VeryMuchALIVE! (sing it for the hurt)

Chapter 1- This Is Me

 “Why don't you just go cut yourself, EMO?” Maria jelled at me “Why don't YOU just fuck off, bitch!” I thought, God knows what she would have done to me if I had said it. She tried to push me aside, but I had already moved. I was pretty used to getting pushed around by now, so I knew when to move so that she wouldn't hit me.

She came back seconds later, and now she had brought her gang along with her. They gathered around me. I already knew what was coming, or not really, I never knew what they were going to do, that's what scared me the most. I just knew that it was going to be painful, either physically or psychologically. Either way it was pain, a daily amount of pain that had made me give up life a long time ago.

Kevin, Maria's boyfriend, was the first to push, then Ben pushed me harder and the next one after that pushed me so hard that I lost my breath for a second and fell to the ground. “Is that all you can take?” one of the girls in the gang cried out, I looked up at her, still trying to catch my breath. She laughed, and the others laughed too, they were like the hyenas, from the Lion King, gathered around Simba, laughing because of the pain they are causing the poor innocent creature. “You're weak! You hear me? Weak!” Maria said, and they all agreed. Laughing their hyena laughs. Then they gave me one last kick and went away. Even now, years later, I can still hear their laugh as lifelike as if it was happening all over again.

I got home that day too. Didn't kill myself in the school lavatory. Although I wanted to. I got home, and the first thing I did, was to lock myself in my room, planning on staying there for the rest of the day. I tossed myself onto the bed, music was already on. Sad, slow melodies. Perfect for my mood. My everyday mood. I reached for the tiny minty-green box under my pillow. Minty-green, painted black on top and with a big smiley scratched into the paint. I opened it. Razorblades. Some thin. Some thick. All able to make a nice deep cut. All able to make me bleed. Bleed as if it would never stop. But it did. Eventually. It always did. Too bad all the pain I felt inside couldn't just die along with it.