I had never felt so lost before. I just needed it to be over. I tried to tell myself that it would get better, I just had to give it time. But how much? I had already given it nine years. Nearly ten come thinking about it. I was done now. This was it. Things weren't going to get better. I had given it time, and it only got worse. Just see where patience had gotten me. I was nothing but depressed, I couldn't remember the last time I was happy or even felt a tiny bit of hope. I was having suicidal thoughts and it clearly couldn't get any worse. But it wasn't getting any better either.
I'll give it one more shot. I told myself. One last try, and if it doesn't work this time, I'll never try again, no matter how bad it gets. I gave myself a promise, that if something went wrong this time, that I couldn't go through with it or my body just didn't want to die just yet, then I would never try to kill myself again. That was a promise. And I was planning to keep it. Though I was certain that this time I would actually end up dead.
Pills. That's how I was going do it. No cutting of arteries. No jumping off bridges. No drowning attempts. Pills. Lots and lots of pills. I was looking through our emergency locker. Painkillers. Perfect! That was exactly what I wanted to do. Kill the pain. Kill me.
I brought the painkillers with me to my room and locked the door behind me. I needed to find the right music for this. Music I wanted to die to. I opened Spotify and typed in the word Dead. The top hit was a song named Dead! by a band I had never heard of before, their name was My Chemical Romance. I pressed play. Why not? I thought as I out the first pill in my mouth and swallowed it dry.Wow... why hadn't I hear of them before? I asked myself. I put the pills away. I needed to find out more about these guys. I shut my eyes and put on a randomly chosen song. Mama. Huh... I was stunned. This was perfect. Perfect! The thoughts of suicide were all gone now. I had finally found something that helped. And it wasn't a blade or a pill. It was a band.
YOU ARE READING
VeryMuchALIVE! (sing it for the hurt)
Teen FictionArwen gets bullied in school. Her thoughts of suicide grows stronger and stronger as the bullying increases. Sinking deeper and deeper into depression, nothing seems to help Arwen get out of it. Her only way out seems to be death. Music doesn't even...
