Wouldn't Leave You (A Captain America Fan fiction)

Getting Out and Going On

Chapter 23 - Rachel Stark

The whole world stopped for a second. All that I could feel was our energy together. It was a sweet kiss, but it made my pain stop and made me want more. A strong shiver ran its way up my spine as the heart monitor began to beat faster. Steve pulled away first, his head looking over to the heart machine. I take a deep breath, looking away. My hand slowly reached up to my lips in shock. 

"Steve, I..." he turns back to me, his eyes dancing with thousands of emotions. He sinks back down to my level and I carefully reach up and place my hand on his face. His hand gently grabs my wrist and he pulls away slightly, planting a soft kiss on my palm. The moment is so quiet and understated but it felt right.

"Let's make a deal," he whispers, his cheek still resting in the palm of my hand. "No more near-death experiences, okay?" I laugh as he takes my hand in his, wincing slightly in pain. 

"Deal," I say, smiling while Steve chuckles. He kisses the back of my hand then places it between the two of his. I smile over to him, letting another soft moment pass. "Will you hand me the remote?" I ask quietly. His expression changes, his features turn serious as he searches the side tables. He finds it, his gaze softening as he brings it over to me. I nod to him in thanks and press the button.

Seconds after I place the call, a worried Bruce Banner comes through the door checking his notes. 

"Are you alright? Your heart monitor was..." His voice trails off as he looks up, seeing Steve in the room with me. I feel my face heat up as Bruce looks between the two of us. He smiles slightly and lets out a small hum before turning back to my machines. I take a moment to let my face return to its natural shade before I look over to Bruce again. 

"When am I able to leave?" I ask. 

"I think you should be alright to head out today since I know where you're going." He turns his attention to Steve. "I can be over to your building in 20 minutes if anything happens. All of your scans look good. The blood really helped out and is moving the process along nicely." I nod looking between the two men. Bruce clears his throat and looks sheepishly at his notes. "I can... um... get Natasha in here so that you can change clothes." I nod over at him and then turn my attention to Steve, sending him a small look. He catches on and walks out, sending me a smile over his shoulder as he does. Bruce follows, leaving me in the room. 

I take a deep breath in and push it out slowly. Steve and I just kissed. That line in our friendship had just been crossed and I am not sure how to feel about it. On one hand, I am giddy and excited. There is a possibility of a relationship with him that I would be excited to explore. But on the other hand, I have a lot of feelings. This was something that Steve and I have never talked about in our relationship. Hell, we barely even spoke about our past relationships. With our combined history of massively failing in relationships, would this even be a good idea? A knock at the door takes me out of my thoughts. Natasha walks in with some clothes bunched in her hands. 

"So, I don't have too many options since we couldn't find the key to your apartment in your locker. I have one of my old pairs of sweatpants and a shirt that Steve actually offered up," she says, her eyes stuck to the clothes in her hands. She looks up to me and her expression shifts. "Are you alright? You look like you're in pain. Did you rip out a stitch?" she questions, making her way over to the bed. I shake my head and release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"No, it's just... Something happened," I say, my eyes focusing far away. Natasha drops into the chair next to me and looks over at me expectantly, waiting for more of an explanation. I sigh, wringing my hands in my lap. I look over to her, feeling sadness fill my eyes. "Steve and I just had a really great moment but I feel weird about it." She looks to, waiting for more. 

"Why do you feel that way?" she asks, placing the clothes in front of me. 

"I don't know. I feel like there was a line there right?" I say, holding my hands in a line. "And now we've crossed over it. I feel like it is going to be awkward, and I really don't want it to be." Natasha nods and I continue. 

"And you know about my past. That experience was so long ago, but I still feel it fresh in my mind daily. I fear that I can't give him what he wants because I will be so closed off. And now with all that just happened..." I suck in a huge breath. "... David shot me. Point blank. It is really triggering and it is bringing a lot back up." As I finish, a tear falls from the corner of my eye that Natasha easily catches. She smiles over at me. 

"All I am going to say is talk to him. I don't know if he feels the same way about his past experiences, but I am sure that you two can figure it out," she pauses. "You didn't see him when he brought you in here. He was a mess." 

I sigh and shrug. My mind is racing trying to think through what I want to do.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Natasha cleaned me up, the hospital staff helped me into a wheelchair and Tony pushed me out to my car. Steve drove it over so that I wouldn't have to try and balance on his bike. I eased my way in, wincing. After a goodbye from everyone, Steve carefully drove me home and got me up to my apartment. 

Once he set me up in my bed, making sure that I was comfortable, he sits at the edge of the bed, talking to me about the past few weeks, what he needs to get me to eat, and movies that he wants to watch.

 But it isn't the same. 

The conversation feels really awkward and forced. It just is so uncharacteristic of our relationship. While he is talking, my mind wanders back to David. I meticulously run over the details of that relationship, watching all the hurt and sorrow flash before my eyes. When Steve changes the subject again, I abruptly cut him off.

"Steve, I don't think we can do this right now," I say.

"Do what?"

"When we kissed at the hospital...everything just stopped. I really felt... I don't know. But that kiss brought up a lot of unresolved things for me. I just... can't. I know you would never hurt me, but I just... can't trust this." I say, pointing between us. Steve looks down at his hands. A silence falls over us, the anticipation building. 

"I'm... so sorry," he says, looking up with pain in his eyes. "I-I just don't know what to say."

"I don't know what to say either. I just can't. I worry about you all the time and I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to you because of me." I say, putting my hands over my chest, trying to breathe. I am shattering my own heart and I am barely keeping it together. "If we were together now, I couldn't give you what you want," I whisper. There is a pause.

"You're all I want," he whispers. I turn away, the tears falling freely down my face. The room is quiet, the only sound is of us breathing. I take a deep breath in and sigh. 

"I think you should go, it looks like you haven't gotten any sleep since I've been gone," I tell him, not having the strength to look at him. My mattress squeaks as he gets up. He starts to walk out of my room but hesitates. 

"Well, it is different without you here," he comments. "Goodnight," Steve walks out of my room, shutting the door behind me, and leaves the apartment. 

For the next few weeks and months, everything eventually went back to normal. It was awkward for a little bit, but Steve was too much of a gentleman to be upset for too long. He helped me recover and get back on my feet. He helped me retrain and worked with me on my marksmanship.

Things have gone back somewhat to the way they were. New York built itself back and S.H.I.E.L.D. is no longer a secret. It is a time of peace. The world knows that the Avengers will protect the peace. They know that we are the line. The line between our weird normal world and the even weirder one that lays just out of reach to the civilian population. This calm doesn't happen often, so we have to take advantage of it. But when danger comes too close to the line, the world can count on the Avengers to protect what they love.