Wouldn't Leave You (A Captain America Fan fiction)

These Pieces of Mine

Chapter 40 - Rachel Stark

I don't even know why I'm on the roof. Maybe it's in the hopes that Steve will follow. The absurdity of the thought causes me to chuckle quietly to myself. I'm pretty sure I ruined my chances of that happening with my little scene in the living room. 

I walk slowly, scuffing my shoes lazily on the ground. I kick my foot against the ground just for the fun of it as I approach the roof's edge. I place my clammy palms on the cool metal of the railing, the height making my stomach turn. 

I ignore the fear, shifting my gaze to the city skyline. A tear threatens to escape from the corner of my eye but I dab it away with my finger before it can fall. Ever since Steve showed up, my emotions have completely strayed from my agent training. I don't know what it is about him, but he just breaks me down. 

I make weak attempts at keeping my emotions together for about a minute more, then I let it all out. Sobs rack my chest, my lungs hardly taking in enough air. A feeling of helplessness sets in as I feel my future slip out of my grasp. 

My sobs slow after a few minutes and I do some deep breathing to calm my racing mind. 

Fight for him. Sam's words ring out in my mind. I mull them over for a moment. I've always fought for him, that isn't what the issue here is. My problem with this whole situation is that he hasn't fought for me, at least to my face. Sam had said that he was distraught about my disappearance and was searching with the others, but when he finally got me back, he chose that exact moment to introduce Sharon and say that she was his girlfriend. And it was a lie! At least, based on what the others have told me, it's not like Steve has been here explaining the situation to me. 

I exhale in frustration at the same time I hear the roof's door open. 

"I'll be back down soon," I grumble, still facing the skyline. "I just need a second to..."

"Hey," My head whips around, seeing Steve closing the door behind him. My muscles tense up, and my hands clenched into fists. "I - I... I don't even know where to begin to make any of this up to you."

"Steve, there's nothing to be sorry..." 

"No, there is and we need to have it out right here, right now."

"Steve, I don't even know where to begin." 

"Start somewhere, please. I need to talk to you, and I know you need to talk to me." I stare at him, my mind going silent. "Please." 

"Steve, you... you... suck." He stares at me, a little bit of shock lighting his features. "I was taken, and you... you chose her. You introduced me to her at the hospital, just as I returned!" I raise my voice. "And... you couldn't have just... left her at home? For one night? This is the first night I've seen my family all together in one room and you brought her, a stranger, here. I don't know her, Steve. All I know is that she's taken the one person that has always been there for me away." 

"Rachel, I'm right here..."

"No, you're not. Because...because... I have a lot of things that I have wanted to say for you for such a long time and I can't when I know that you're with someone else." 

"You have to know, Sharon and I really aren't anything. She and I just... just hung out. She kept me company when I moved here. Sam's still in D.C. and I just needed someone else."

"It still hurts, Steve. Because I love you." I watch his chest sink in, the shock settling on his features. "I have loved you, for so long. I love you so much it hurts. I can't watch the man I love be with someone else. And how was I supposed to know that you guys weren't together if you didn't tell me?" 

"I-" 

I slowly begin to walk towards him. "Steve, all we have had... are little moments. I can't keep just waiting for these small pieces of time that make my heart soar. I want all of your moments. I want to spend every day with you. But I can't keep living as a second choice." 

There is no time for him to respond because Steve closes the distance and grabs my face between his hands. He searches my face, looking for any sign of rejection. When he doesn't find one, he slowly lowers his lips to mine. It's one of those kisses that you will remember for the rest of your life. Soft and sweet, yet passionate. I'm still so mad at him, furious even, but I can't help how my heart races. A tear escapes my eye as Steve pulls away from me.

"Rach, I could never string enough words together for you to forgive me. But I am sorry. More sorry than I could ever express." I move my hand up, grabbing his forearm. "I love you too. I love you so much that I would go to the moon and back for you. I thought I loved Peggy and I thought that Sharon and I could maybe be a thing. But the truth is, no one I've ever known makes me feel as happy, silly, or amazing as you make me feel every time I see you. You make me feel complete. The first day I met you, I knew you were special. And I am so grateful that you have stuck with me for as long as you have. I know you are unhappy now, and you never have to fully forgive me. But I love you and I really want to try. I've been fighting for you for so long Rach. I messed up and it was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. Please, just try." And with that, he releases me from his embrace, turns away, and goes back inside. I put my hand up to my lips and smile.