Scarred

Chapter 10.

Theo

I nod defeatedly, as we share one last hopeless look. She turns away as she stands up, and walks over to the door. The sense of defeat is strong in me as it prevents me from moving.

"Aren't you coming?" She stands by her door, and turns the light on. Being able to actually see her face now - her effortless eyebrows; the cutest cheeks that glow even in the dark; her piercing brown eyes that leave me captivated every time I see them - makes it all the more real, and overwhelming.

I stand up slowly from the sofa. "Do you want me to pause the movie?"

"Go ahead." Her voice still remains the same tone it was the last time she spoke, annoyance littered all over it. I almost question her, but I feel she won't be honest about what it is that's bothering her. Just like if she was to ask me, I would tell her that there is no problem.

***

Only the sound of our chewing can be heard in the silent kitchen, but the sound of regret is also evident in the constant looks we throw at each other, when we feel the other isn't watching.

My hand routinely reaches out into the box that acts as a barrier between us, in the hopes of taking another slice. But all I feel is soft skin. I look up and see her hand placed underneath mine, and we are both reaching for the last slice of pizza. Of course this would happen.

"Have it," I say, removing my hand from the box.

"No, you can. I'm not even that hungry," she replies, her voice laced with disapproval.

"Nah, I'm fine. It's your money so just take it."

"That doesn't mean you can't have it."

"Well evidently, because I've had some."

"Well, like I said, I'm not that hungry."

"So why did you try to take it?"

"Are you really starting an argument with me... About pizza?" She asks, disbelief running through her whole tone.

"I said you could take the pizza. That's not starting an argument."

"And I'm saying you can take it."

"Well I don't want it anymore. I've lost my appetite." I stare nonchalantly. I really have lost my appetite. There's something about being in a room, alone, with a girl that I almost kissed not even half an hour ago, that makes my tongue repel from welcoming any more taste.

"And why's that?" The question reads as a trick question. I look at her, and yet again our eyes become transfixed with each other. Anything could happen at this point, I think to myself. It's like our argument is just building to the evident tension that is swarming throughout the room. We are broken from our platonic embrace with the sound of the doorbell. A confused look plasters on her face, as she stands from her stool to walk over to the door.

"My brothers came round to help paint, and my dad decided that he doesn't need me anymore. I'm all yours!" An unrecognisable voice penetrates my ear.

I stare at the slice of pizza still in the box. It's probably as ready of being digested by someone as I am to eat it. The sounds of footsteps come closer and closer, before my head rises up to see Eliza standing by the fridge with a girl. She is wearing a white cut off sleeved shirt tucked into black skinny jeans. Her light brown hair is tied into a ponytail that flow onto the shirt. Plain white converse sit on her feet, which happen to be the same shoes her friend is wearing. Her green eyes bore into mine, and I can already hear the judgmental thoughts running through her head about me.

"Theo, this is Olivia, my best friend." She makes gesturing motions between me and Olivia.

"And Olivia, this is Theo. He's uh..."

"Nobody important," I finish for her.

"My new roommate that I was telling you about," she corrects me, as they both share a look that convinces me they are speaking hidden messages to each other with their eyes.

Olivia turns back to me, her mouth noticeably slightly quivering a few times, before she finally speaks. "I've seen you around."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, you're always... Well, were always at the corner. I saw you when I drove past everyday."

"Great," I blankly say, making sure I avoid eye contact with both the females standing in front of me.

"So, anyways." Olivia's voice comes again. "How are you liking it here?"

"It's alright," I respond, enthusiasm still nowhere to be found in my voice.

"It's so nice that Rosanne let you stay, she obviously saw something-"

My tolerance for hearing any voice completely disappears at this point. I stand up so abruptly that the table shakes, and pick up the pizza slice from the box. "Here, you have the last slice," I say to Olivia when I walk over to the girls. She opens her hands although the picture of confusion is written all over her face. I drop the pizza in her hand, still ensuring I don't look at the girl standing next to her. I wipe my hands on the sides of my bottoms and head for the stairs.

My walk up into the stairs brings me into the reflective state of the disastrous day I've had. I should never have agreed to watch a movie with her. I thought I could, just to see, just to feel how that could work. To see how anything could work between us. And when we almost kissed, in that moment I felt like something could work between us. Because my inability to resist her was the only emotion that coursed through my body. At that moment, I wanted her. I didn't think about anyone else. I didn't even think about me, being a homeless kid. Being poor. Being an outsider. But then her friend came; and her eyes turned more intimidating and sharper with each minute they were on me. And all I could read from those eyes were disgust, and disbelief, which was confirmed in her embarrassing conversation of pointing out that I indeed used to live on the street.

To add oil to an already deadly fire, that woman was brought up. And that was the moment that it all became real for me. That nothing could ever happen between me and Eliza. The news would not escape her, and she would waste no time in reminding her daughter just what a dirty tramp I am. Just like she would waste no time in throwing me back onto the ground that is probably yearning for my presence right now. All my thoughts lead to is the conclusion that I am way in over my head. I've gotten myself into something that's too big for me. I'm living in a mansion when a week ago I was living on the cold pavements and street corners of Manhattan. I'm eating food that I've only been able to imagine the taste of for as long as I remember. I'm removing all the dirt from my skin that has built up and created a home on it that it is not ready to leave. I am dreaming of having sex with a girl whose mom would rather I suffer in any way possible.

What am I doing here?