Hey guys
So sorry I haven't been updating
But I got sick back to back
And on top of that
Life has been lifeing
But anywho
I hope yall enjoy this update!
I woke up still laying on Megan who was still asleep
I just looked up at her and sighed still not believing how I literally broke her heart and made her cry
I really need to figure out why I was treating her like that cause I still didn't understand it myself
I sweetly kissed her cheek and slowly moved out of her arms being careful not to wake her up
I then grabbed my phone off the side table and then walked over peeking at Holly who was smiling so cutely in her sleep with milk drooling from her mouth which I smiled at taking a picture but then realized Megan must have just got done feeding her not to long ago
In which I was surprised I didn't feel her move me or put me back onto her
I then kissed her forehead and left out going to the living area and sat on the couch taking my phone to dial Megan's therapist to talk and try to get some insight on why I was treating my wife the way I was
I dialed the number and it rung twice before it was answered
Mrs. Perez-This is Mrs. Perez, how may I help you
Me-Hello Mrs. Perez , this is Patrice
Mrs. Perez-Oh hello Mrs. Davis
Is everything ok with Megan
Me-Yes everything is ok with Megan
Well except for me because I made her cry really bad last night and it made her question my love for her for the very first time and not only that I made her have unpleasant flashbacks of her ex husband abusing her
And honestly it hurt me to my core because I realized I broke the biggest promise I ever made her
And that was a promise to her to only ever cry happy tears from my end
But last night it wasn't nothing happy about her tears
Mrs. Perez-Ok so what led to you making her cry and you breaking your promise to her
Me-(Sighs) By saying mean and sometimes disrespectful things to her
And then try to cover it up as me just playing
Mrs. Perez-Well were you just playing
Or is there some hidden anger or resentment towards her that makes you say these things to her
Me-(Tears up) I don't know, I don't think so
She hasn't done anything to me for me to be angry with her or have resentment towards her
I'm just so lost with this because I don't even know where it came from and why I was so comfortable with doing it
It was so bad she compared it to how that samething happened with her ex husband before he started to physically abuse her
But I would never put my hands on her in that manner
Mrs. Perez-So then why make her feel that you would
It has to be a reason for this certain change in how you speak to her
Me-Could be just stress or me worried all the time about everyone around me
I don't know
Mrs. Perez-What do you mean worried about everyone around you
Me-Well I too was in an abusive relationship and almost lost my life more then once and I also miscarried a baby at just three in a half months
Once my family found out they all became upset and worried which I do understand
But I begin to see things change in their lives that begin to hurt them because they were so worried about me (starts to cry)
Even my dad who was seriously ill at the time
And I feel like I brought on his death a lot sooner then it should have because he was so stressed out over me
I mean my mom says it's not true but it is very true
And then my mom just became so depressed after he passed so I had to take care of her so she wouldn't get to worked up and pass away too
Her and my grandmother fought all the time
And my sister grieved so bad she started messing with a married man and got pregnant and had an abortion because he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby
And then there's my two bestfriends in which one was kidnapped and raped
I'm just worried about them even though they seem fine now
I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop
Mrs. Perez-And why are you waiting for the other shoe to drop
Has something happened recently
Me-Yes, My bestfriend Mariah was kidnapped and raped like I said
It happened a little over a month ago
They stabbed her as well
Mrs. Perez- I'm so sorry to hear that
How is she doing
Me-She's fine now and is actually in Beijing with her fiancé Journi
MP-Ok, So if she's fine, then what else is going on
It has to be something deeper for you to have been treating Megan the way you have
Me-I don't think I have grieved well over everything that has happened
MP-And what are those things
Me-My dad dying, dealing with my father in law almost dying, and trying to hold Megan through it all as well as look after Holly
My mom and grandmother fighting all the time
My ex almost killing me some months back
MP-Wait, Why was your ex trying to kill you
Me-Because he's a very disturbed abusive man
Well was an disturbed abusive man
He again made me lose our baby at just three in a half months
And then had one with my cousin
The night he tried killing me he choked me until I passed out at a night club
He stuck his dick in my mouth and got his rocks off
And then let his two friends do the samething
Which is crazy and sad because again that's how me and Megan met
MP-Oh my gosh Patrice I am so sorry
They were arrested
And yes I remember her saying that
Even though the circumstances was bad I'm happy it got you two together
Me-Me too and no they weren't arrested but karma got them and so they are no longer living
MP-Oh wow, Ok , So what else haven't you grieved fully
Me-My sister aborting her baby even though it was the right choice because like I said he didn't want anything to do with her or the baby because he was actually married
MP-Oh I know that wasn't easy of a decision for her to make
My heart goes out to her
But why are you grieving her abortion
Me-Because it was another baby not being able to see life
No I don't blame her but it still hurts
And I can tell she still has thoughts about it as well , especially when she spends time with Holly
But she does her best to keep it at bay
But I know she's feeling that pain deeply
MP-Yes which is common
If she needs someone to talk to I would be happy to do so
Me-Yeah that would be great, I will give her your number
MP-That would be awesome
But those are all no doubt valid reasons to grieve
But do you know what brought all of this to the forefront
Me-(Sighs) I don't know
I mean you know again how me and Megan met even though you didn't know the details until now of what happened to me because she skipped over them
And I'm very grateful for her being in my life and marrying me , and giving me my little Holly
So I can't explain what has brought all of this up
MP-Do you think it's regret like everything happened to fast between you and Megan
Me-No I'm happy how things turned out for us
MP-Then how do you get to disrespecting her and making her cry and begin to feel unsafe with you
Me-I guess because I feel she's to perfect and it's scaring me
It's like I'm waiting for a change that's never going to come
MP-And what change is that
Me-Like she's going to get tired of me and leave me
MP-And why do you think that
Me-Because everyone has done it
MP-Care to be more specific
Me-Like my ex, like my dad, like my mom who didn't talk to me for months
Like my sister who also didn't talk to me for month's
All I had was Brandy and Mariah who tried their best at keeping me together
MP-Ok, So as far as your father, he shouldn't be put in that situation because he couldn't control what the illness did to him
Your mom and sister also doesn't need to be in that either because just like you they were grieving
Me-But they abandoned me and they talked to each other all the time
I only got a phone call when I had to be a damn referee between my mom and grandma
So how was that fair to me
MP-I understand you felt abandoned and you are right , it's not fair
But the steps in grieving never are fair
And maybe it took a harder toll on your sister then you and she needed her mom more
And maybe your mom didn't know how to approach you because again everyone grieves differently and it was easier to console your sister then you
Me-Maybe, but it still hurts and I was alone
Brandy and Mariah could only do so much
MP-And I understand all that
Have you tried talking to them about it
Me-No because I don't want to hurt them
MP- Well I'm not saying hurt them
But if you don't then you will continue to hurt and take it out on Megan
Now do you think that's fair to your wife
Me-No it's not
MP-Exactly
So you need to talk to them ok
Me-Ok
MP-Good
Now as far as your ex he is definitely part of that reason
However he's no longer here and you shouldn't keep letting him take anymore power from you or your life
Megan is a good woman with a beautiful soul and clearly you agree because you married her
So what I'm going to do is schedule some couple and individual sessions for you and her because we need to get this relationship back on track
Me-Ok and yes we do because I know I messed up terribly
MP-Yes you did but I can see your willing to do everything to fix it
Me-I am willing to everything I can
MP-Good, Now I'm going to get your sessions scheduled and also what I need you to do is to journaling just like I have Megan doing
Write these thoughts and feelings down to get better control over them and stop hurting your wife and marriage because your not going to do anything but push her away
You still have time to fix everything
So go get to writing and fixing it
And you or Megan can call me anytime you need me ok
Me-Ok, and thank you Mrs. Perez
I look forward to our actual first session
MP-Me too Mrs. Davis
Now go kiss your loves and I will have my assistant call you back with the date of our first session ok
Me-Ok,
MP-Ok, well have a great day Mrs. Davis bye bye
Me-You too Mrs. Perez, Bye(hangs up)
Soon as I hung up and took a deep breath feeling somewhat better I hear soft footsteps with a crying Holly coming down the hall to the living area
Soon as I seen Megan I reached for Holly)
Me-Awe pretty girl what's the matter with mama's stinka Pooh (kisses her cheek)
Megan-She's upset because she can't feed right now because my breast are too tight and full and so I need to pump
Me-It's a bottle in the mini fridge
I will get it and feed her
Megan-Ok, Thank you (looking sad)
Me-(Looks at her) Stop thanking me, this is my job too as her mother
Now why are looking sad beautiful
What's wrong (finally calming Holly down)
Megan-(Tears starts to fall)
Are we really ok Patrice
Am I really still safe here with you
Me-(Slowly pulls her into me)
Yes baby we really are ok and yes you are still safe here with me
I'm still so very sorry and I love you so very much ok(kisses the side of her face as she cries in my chest)
Megan-(Soft voice)Ok
I just wanted to be sure
Me-I promise we are good baby
I just got off the phone talking to Mrs. Perez about it
She is scheduling us couples and individual therapy sessions
And she gave me a huge reality check and told me to basically get my shit together and work on getting all my thoughts and emotions out in a journal to deal with them better and stop taking it out on you before I completely lose you
And to talk to my mom and sister about something's I been holding in and get to fixing this and that's exactly what I'm going to do
So you go pump , I got Holly , and once your done I'm catering to you and her all day long ok
I know it's not going to completely fix it but I'm starting somewhere (still holding and hugging her)
Megan-(Sighs) Ok Baby(Looks up at me)
You really had me scared
Me-(Wipes her tears and kisses her)
I know baby and I'm sorry
I love you (kisses her again)
Megan-I love you too(winces)
Ok I need to go pump for real before I start to leak
Me-(Takes her hand)
Well come on hot stuff(walks back to the bedroom)
Once in the room I quickly get the last bottle out the mini fridge and warmed it up and soon was feeding Holly as Megan sat next to us pumping her milk out as she just watched me and Holly smiling
Megan-I love this so much
Just look at the little human we made and how so in love you are with her(tears up) it really touches my heart deeply
This is all I have ever wanted
A successful career, a loving lifelong partner and our own little family
I really do feel complete even with my diagnose
I'm still very happy how things have turned out for us
So baby please (grabs my face and looks me in the eyes) keep your promise to me this time and really work on never talking to me or treating me like that ever again, please promise me
Me-I really do promise baby
I'm going to get myself together because I never want to lose you are our family
I'm going to do everything to make it right again
I promise
Megan-I believe you and I'm happy you called my therapist and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you and support you
I love you so much baby, you and Holly are my world and I need both of you to keep going
Me-I love you too baby and you and Holly are my world too and I need yall as well to keep going
Megan-I really want our life and future we planned
Me-(Leans over kissing her lips softly)
Me to baby, me too, and we will have that because I'm gonna make damn sure it happens
(Looks down at Holly and then back at Megan)
I love you both so much(tears up)
I'm so thankful for you, for your love and for giving me this little Angel (kisses Holly forehead earning a smile)
Yes pumpkin mama loves you and (looks back at Megan)Daddy loves you so fucking much
Megan-And I love daddy so fucking much too (tears running still, kisses me)
Me-(Wipes her tears)
You forgive me beautiful
Megan-(Wipes my tears)
I forgive you my love(kisses my cheek)
Me-Is it ok if I smile now
Megan-(Smiles) Yes it is
I smile and then attack her lips with sweet kisses
Me-I love you (kiss) I love you (kiss) I love you (kiss)
Megan-(Laughs) I love you too baby
Me-So today belongs to my girls
What do you want to do
Do you still want to go get her ears pierced
Megan-Nah, not feeling it today
I just want a nice day with us
Because last night was a lot
So we can set the backyard up and have a mini photoshoot of just Holly since she's about to be 4 months in two weeks
And then we can watch some of my favorite movies and order from my favorite restaurant for lunch
You can cook both breakfast and dinner
And then love me up a little by running me a hot bath with all my favorite oils and bath bombs with candles and then give me a full body massage and paint my nails and toes
And Holly's too because I want us to match
Me-That is not a problem my love
I will happily do everything you ask me to do (kisses her)
I then burped Holly and then put her in her bassinet for her to go back to sleep
I then kissed her forehead head covering her up and then went back over to kiss Megan with a little tongue and then left out the room to go cook breakfast
Megan shortly followed behind me with the baby monitor in her hand once she was done pumping
Megan-(Sits at the island)
So what are you making
Me-Omelettes with red potatoes, green peppers, onions, hash browns, eggs and cheese
Megan-Mmm yummy (licks her lips)
I really love a woman who can cook
It's really a huge turn on (bites her bottom lip looking at me)
Me-(Smirks walking around the island and turning her around standing between her legs)
Oh really now(grabs her by the throat and kisses her)
Megan-Mmm(moans into the kiss)
A real turn on(grabs my ass)
Me-See why you starting
Megan-(Stands up and slowly turns me around towards the island)
I don't know what you're talking about
(Starts to kiss and suck on my neck)
Me-Mm baby (moans) you are starting
I thought you wanted breakfast
Megan-And that's what I'm having, my breakfast (starts to undress me)
Now be a good girl and get on the counter so I can eat my favorite meal
Me-Damn my baby freaky, just how I like it though (climbs on top of the island)
Megan-Period, Just call me freak nasty cause I'm bout to make you make a big mess
Before I could reply she was deep in my pussy attacking my clit with her mouth and my wet hot dripping core with her fingers
Not even five minutes in I was a moaning and leaking mess
Megan always says how my tongue and fingers are dangerous
When hers was just as lethal because I was already about to approach my first orgasm already grabbing and pulling her hair and grinding my hips as I push her face deeper into me
Me-Fuck baby!!
I'm already about to cum baby
Please don't stop, oh my God Megan (grinds harder against her tongue)
Megan-(Talking against my pussy)
Cum for me then baby(sucking harder on my clit and thrusting her fingers directly at my spot)
Me-Ah fuck baby I'm cumming!
(Legs starting to shake)
Yes right there, stay right there, oh Megan, Megan, MEGAN!!(cums hard)Oh fuck!! (Whimpers)
Megan-(Licks me up)
Mmm that's my good girl(kisses my pussy)
Me-Baby stop, it's sensitive, that was a huge ass orgasm and you say my shit is dangerous
Megan-Because it is and plus I learned it from you
Had you cumming in under 10 minutes
Me-More like five(still trying to catch my breath)
Megan-A new record hmm(pats her shoulder) go me
Me-(Roll my eyes)
Whatever Mz Cocky
But can you help me down now please
I need to wash up
Megan-Uh who said I was done
Maybe (slowly slides in 3 fingers) I want seconds, thirds and fourths
Me-Mmm Megan (moans) you not playing fair
I need to-
Before I could finish my sentence my swollen clit was back in her mouth being sucked, licked, and bitten on before she switched to stuffing her tongue deep inside me causing my eyes to roll back letting out a very loud moan with pleasuring tears starting to fall as I again started pulling her hair and grinding my hips
Me-Fuck baby, eat your pussy, yes baby
You eat me so well, fuck Megan(feeling my next orgasm coming)
Uh baby, don't stop, please don't stop
Next thing I know is Megan wrapped her arms tight around my thighs and went even deeper with her tongue causing me to moan uncontrollably with my lips quivering and my body shaking as I creamed and leaked even more to where it ran down my legs coating the counter and Megan's tongue and chin
Me-FUCK MEGAN!!! IM CUMMING!!
For the second time I came hard as fuck damn near falling off the island as Megan caught me while my body still convulsed and shook holding me tight until I calmed down
I'm guessing I blacked out during that second orgasm because when I finally came too we were laying on the couch with me on top of Megan with her running her fingers through my hair and softly kissing my forehead as tears still ran down my face
I guessed she sensed I was awake and looked down at me wiping my tears
Megan-Are you ok baby
Me-I don't know (still crying)
Megan-Tell me what's wrong baby(wipes my tears again)
Me-I just still feel really bad about making you cry last night
I really broke my promise to you and I had you afraid of me
(Looks up at her) Baby I do not deserve you anymore and it hit me right after that last orgasm
Because here you are after I broke your heart pleasing me like I deserved it and I didn't baby
I did deserve it(cries harder)
You have been nothing but a blessing to me and gave me the greatest gift I could ask for
Found out you possibly can't have anymore babies and here I was putting you down and hurting you for no damn reason
All because I have been holding shit in from what's been going on with my family for the past year and not fully dealing with the loss of my father
And you didn't know this but my ex caused me my miscarriage in college and ended up having a baby with my cousin and I'm still not over that even though he's dead
And then Mimi getting kidnapped and raped
And then seeing you so broken when dad was fighting for his life
It all has taken a toll on me
For my family though I really should have gotten myself together mentally and emotionally before I brought you in
But you kept fighting for me and I no longer wanted to keep hurting you and pushing you away because I was already in love with you too and just thought it would heal all my pain
But after seeing dad and Mimi almost die brought everything back including my sister having an abortion which I know was the right thing but I still feel that baby deserved a chance
But I can't be mad at my sister because she didn't know the man was married
Baby I'm such a mess and feel like I can't fully give you and Holly what yall need until I get myself together and so I think you should leave me until then
Megan-(Sits up some)
Baby no, I'm not leaving you (grabs my face)
I love you Patrice
Yes you broke your promise and hurt me but baby I'm willing to go through the process with you in finding peace and getting help for you like you did for me
You made the first step in calling Dr. Perez
Which she set our first session for next Thursday
We are in this together ok
Me-Ok baby but-
Megan-But nothing baby
I understand about how you feeling about everything
When my mom passed I was on a war path and went off on any and everybody no matter the situation
It got so bad my dad and Nana put me in a psych ward for 2 years until I got better
And then once I got out is when my dad helped me to start my business and that was my focus until my ex husband
I really lived in hell with that man and I also suffered a miscarriage the day he threw me down the stairs
I found out I was 5 months pregnant but wasn't showing because I was so under weight at the time and the baby was under developed in which he or she wouldn't have survived anyway
I never told anyone, not even my family
I just told them about the abuse and that's when my dad started moving me around town to keep him away from me
So baby we both have mental and emotional things to heal from and you didn't let me do it alone and I'm not going to let you do it alone
We are in this for life, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health
You need me and I need you and Holly needs us both
So let's do this together ok
Me-(Still crying) Ok, and I'm so sorry baby, I really am
I knew the hell you went through
I should have not mentally and emotionally put you back in that place
And I'm sorry again about your baby
Megan-Baby I said I forgive you, and I do, and I'm sorry again about your baby too
But we have a blessing right down the hall and if it meant going through it all again just to get her and you, I would do it all again
So next Thursday we will see Dr. Perez for our first session ok
Me-(Sighs) Ok
Megan-(Smiles) Good, now(wipes my eyes) stop all this crying and give me a kiss
Me-(Laughs a bit and wipes my eyes some more)
Ok(pulls her face to mines and kisses her)
The kiss turned passionate in which I slowly laid Megan back down getting in between her legs
But before I get anything started the baby monitor sounded with Holly crying
Me-(Laughs)She really knows how to cock block us
Megan-(Laughs and hits me)
Don't be talking about my baby like that
Now move so I can go feed and change her
Me-(Kisses her)Ok, I love you baby and you are right about everything
Megan-I love you too and we will get through this (kisses me) Now up
Me-Ok, ok, (kisses her nose and gets up)
She smiled, got up and kissed my cheek and headed towards the room
I then checked the time seeing it was lunch time wondering how long was I out of it for
I then went over to the island to grab my phone being surprised how clean the counter was like it wasn't just covered in my juices and went to find Megan's favorite restaurant and ordered us lunch
I then went to the room to check on them before I showered because I was still sticky
When I walked in I smiled seeing Megan singing a song she made up just for Holly as she breastfed her and caressed her face while slowly rocking in the rocking chair
It really touched me as I just went over kissing Holly's forehead whispering I love you and then kissing Megan's lips telling her I loved her too and went to shower
Once out the shower and dressed I went and answered the door as the doorbell rung getting our food and going back into the room seeing Megan laying Holly back in her bassinet
Me-I come with food
Megan-YES!
I'm starving since someone didn't make me breakfast
Me-But wasn't it you who had me wide open on the counter devouring me like I was your whole breakfast
Remember the whole I maybe I want seconds, thirds and fourths
Megan-(Playfully roll her eyes)
Ok true but not the point (taking the food)
Me-Mmhm sure, but anyway what movie or show are we watching
Megan-Duh you already know I have to watch my anime
Me-(Hands her the remote)
God your such a nerd, but go ahead
Megan-At least I'm a very sexy and cute nerd (sticks out her tongue)
Me-That you most definitely are (kisses her)
I then got our stuff set up for us to eat as she put it on Black Clover
About 7 episodes in we were done eating and now cuddled up in bed lost in the show
But as lost as I was I was craving my wife and so I slowly started messing with her kissing her neck
Megan-Uhm, baby what are you doing
Me-I'm not doing anything (slides my hand inside her shirt softly massaging her stomach up to her breast
Megan-Mmm baby (moans) yes you are
But we can't cause Holly is in here
Me-That's why we have extra rooms for and I think I want to take you to one right now
Megan-I would love for you too but I'm not sure what kind of pain I will be in afterwards
Me- I will be very gentle and use my mouth and tongue only ok(kisses and sucks on her neck)
Megan-But, Mmm baby, fuck you know that's my spot(moans)
Me-Oh is it (sucks harder)
Megan-Ok ok, you win, let's go, grab the monitor please
Me-(Grabs the monitor)
Way ahead of you baby, now let's go sexy (smacks her ass)
Megan-Mmm daddy ok(switches her hips)
Since she wants to tease I surprised her by picking her up over my shoulder running down the hall to the middle guest room so we won't be so loud
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