Hold My Hand - A Civil War Love Story

Part 16: Running Away

***William’s POV***

　

　"William how many times do I ought to tell you. Quit day dreaming! We are fighting a war Reynolds not writing poetry!" Sergeant Phillips spats at me in my face. I can feel my blood boiling as I try to fight back the responses about to roll off my tongue.

"I’m sorry." I mutter from my cot.  I don't know why, but he has it out for me.  At least ten other guys are laying in their cot, reading or writing letters.  Some are already sleeping, trying to get as much rest as possible.

The veins in his neck are protruding in a very frightful way from my answer. "Reynolds I don’t think that’s anyway to respond to a superior. Now I’ll let you try again."

I reluctantly stand up and smooth my brown hair down on my head. Then I clear my throat before shouting in a serious tone. "No sir! I apologize sir! It won’t happen again sir!" I make sure to add emphasis on the "sir".

He looks me up and down, studying my face with his ugly one only inches from mine. We lock eyes for what seems like eternity until he finally stomps out of our tent. I sigh and sit back down on my cot. "I don’t know why I am even in this." I admit to no one in particular.

Some of the guys roll their eyes and one mutters under his breath. "Here we go again."

"I’m serious Paul I won’t stay any longer." I assure him.  Despite how many times a day I complain about being here, nobody seems to take me seriously.

"Oh yeah? And what, are you just gonna up and leave?" Ryan buts in with a laugh.

"Maybe I will." I challenge. Suddenly I start packing up what little of my stuff I have in my burlap bag. A my grandfather's watch, a picture of my family, my letter from Cathleen...

The thought of Cathleen stops me in my tracks. God I miss her. Maybe she’s the reason why I can’t take this anymore. Just the thought of being away from her any longer is too much to bear.

"William, you aren’t seriously leaving, are you?" Paul asks once he sees all of my stuff packed. "If you get caught they’ll kill you. And Phillips will be the one to have the pleasure to do it."

"I’ll just wait till dark, which is only another hour or so." I begin to explain as I go along. "Tomorrow just act like you don’t know where I went."

"Like it's that easy."  One of my buddies, Thomas snorts.  "They'll know we're lying.  They always do."

I take a deep breath and think over everything I'm doing.  Is it even worth the risk?  What if I do get caught?  There's almost always men patrolling the camp.  My mind shifts from here to Cathleen and back as I try to figure out what to do...

"We're under attack!  The Confederates are here!"  Roger shouts from the entrance to our tent.

A mix of confusion and alarm fills our tent.  A few of them are half awake, rolling out of their cot.  Others are looking to each other for answers, and some, like Roger are trying to rally everyone outside.  Eventually everyone gets their uniform on and gather their weapons and head outside.  I watch all of the men, most of them my friends, march out to face the enemy.  Thomas sees me still standing by my cot and desperately calls out for me.  "William, come on, we got to go."

I shake my head and look down, ashamed.  How could I betray my fellow soldiers, my friends, my country?  I won't be able to live with myself if I don't go, but I know I won't live if I do. I look up to see Thomas still standing, waiting for an answer.  "I can't."  I say, nearly choking on my words.  "I'm sorry."

Thomas nods his head.  "Good luck out there William."  Then he brings his right hand up to his head and salutes me.  I salute him back, then he turns and heads out of the tent to battle.

I plop back on my cot, not sure of what to do.  I don't think I actually have the guts to do this, but something deep inside of me says I should.  There's too many risks though, but the rewards are worth it.  I get my freedom, my family, and most importantly, Cathleen. 

After what seems like an eternity I stand back up and double check I packed all of my stuff up.  I usually bring my few things with me to battle just incase we have to abandon camp, so this is just routine for me.  Deciding its now or never I walk to the entrance of the tent and peer out.  I can't see much, but in the far distance I can see a few vague figures and a lot of smoke.  I can also hear men; screaming, shouting, giving orders, and the sound of gunshots. 

Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I step outside of the tent into the hot, summer air.  Instead of heading straight to battle, I cower to my left by a group of trees.  I need to make it out of here quick, I realize, or the Confederates will find me.  Not sure of where exactly I need to go, I start walking away from the commotion, away from the danger, and away from war.

　Author's Note:  Okay I'm sorry that's rather short but I thought I should give you a bit of an explanation of what happened to William.  Not fair keeping you waiting that long!