Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Two

A deadpan silence fell over the table. Despite the fact that we had been going out for a little over a year, we couldn't find it in us to say anything. It was like we had all forgotten our words back at 4th period English. Everyone knew the reason. Hell, even I knew the reason. Not talking about the reason though seemed a good way to carry on. The minute words started to fill the air; true intentions would have been brought to the surface.

Sabrina Valdez was too good for me. I'd decided this a long time ago. Despite being a cheerleader, and one of the most popular girls at school, her heart remained in the right place. She was not a common place cliché. She was not some John Hughes knockoff of what a popular girl was. Sabrina was someone who cared deeply, someone who's words would always carry weight and whose silence broke the hearts of those around her. Such a shame that mines was already broken to begin with.

I stared down at my food, slowly picking my way through whatever inedible mess lay strewn on the ceramic. The grey mush seemed to move and have a mind of its own. Even stabbing it with a fork might only provoke it to attack.

"Xavier," came the soft voice of the girl with the strawberry blonde hair and piercing green eyes. "Can we talk?"

"No" I responded, my voice deadpan. No, the last thing I needed right now was to feel like something was wrong. I already knew that I was unfixable, but for a moment I believed that maybe there was more to me than the scars which plagued me. "No, I don't want to talk Sabz."

Her face half-lit up with that infectious smirk that she wore all too well. The black hole would soon come for that too.

"Babe, please" she pleaded, not daring to make her voice be heard amongst the other sounds of the lunchroom. I doubt that would ever happen, because her voice was as smooth as silk. It was pure and clean, unlike the shrillness of the other students. The jocks roared amongst themselves with a cantankerous laughter, whilst everyone else spoke in a tone various levels higher than what I was used too.

"It's not important." I said this between mouthfuls of grey slop. Were it not for the fact that having an empty mouth would have forced me to talk, I would have thrown it up right then and there.

"Xavier..." Her voice was familiar, hinted with something I'd heard before; disappointment. I wish I knew how to ignore it.

"Not. Important" I shot back, my eyes lifting to meet her own. There was something so warm and delicate about her features.

How could I even begin to put into words that they no longer excited me the way they did? The worst part of falling out of love with someone is having them know that you've fallen out of love with them. I was an asshole for leading her on. I was a dick for not telling her the truth. But I couldn't.

"Stop doing that." Sabrina replied, her cheeks flushing slightly with an anger I'd rarely ever seen.

"Doing what?"

"Shutting yourself off every time we try and have a normal conversation."