Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Nine

      I wanted to say something. I wanted poignant words to fall from my mouth in such a crooked way that it might scare him off. I wanted to be as abrasive and as self-destructive as my body would allow me to be. I wanted to be left alone, swallowed by my own thoughts.

     But I didn't do any of that.

     "What are you doing here?" I asked, a frown stretching across my face. My brows were furrowing furiously, and my eyes becoming more intense. It was as good a tactic as any to try and scare him off. There was a burning in my stomach that resisted the urge to hurl a torrid of acid-laced insults towards him.

     The logical side of my brain still thought it might have been a good idea to keep him around. I was trying to fight a losing battle, struggling against the riptide of reality.

     As he looked down, there was a soft roll of his eyes, his expression too curling down to match my own. He didn't look much different from earlier. Well that was a bit of a lie, I could actually make him out more clearly now that the initial swelling had managed to subside.

     Despite it being the middle of autumn, the boy stood, a slim statuette with barely anything covering much of him. The flimsy shirt he wore was emblazoned with some faded rhetoric, a possible reference to something I had never actually seen. There was nothing to brace his arms for the cold October winds, and yet, he just stood there like it wasn't a big deal at all. A dark beanie seemed to be the only sign that he actually felt the bitterness that clung to the air.

     It made me feel somewhat a fool for having to have three different layers not to freeze to death.

     When he didn't answer me right away, I decided on an alternative approach. "Aren't you cold?" I asked, hugging the fleecy jacket tighter around me.

     His face turned from frown to smile, as he rested his hands on the bar and decided to kick off. Slowly, the platform began to spin, the entire world above me pirouetting in some sort of picturesque madness. It was enough to bring a quick smirk to my own lips.

     "You have to feel something to feel cold," he said very abruptly. There was nothing behind his expression in that moment. He seemed a little lost in the momentum right now, but I could tell that there was something there. If I dug a little deeper I might have been able to see it, but I was not made to delve into the problems of others. I had enough emotional baggage without taking his as well. Now it was my turn to stay quiet.

     After all, if he wanted me to know all he had to do was say something. If he didn't, then it was none of my business, and if he did, well it was still none of my business but at least then I knew what was wrong.

     "You okay." It came more as a statement than a question. His head turned back and his eyes met mines for a moment.

     They were the deepest fountains of hazel, so easy to become overwhelmed and lost. Maybe that was Xavier's problem; he'd looked into a mirror and had trouble getting out ever since. Forever consumed by his own vanity. It felt like the perfect start to some sort of poem, and this was enough to get a wry smile out of me.