Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Eleven

      Let me make one thing abundantly clear; I do not have all of the answers. The fact that anyone thinks that I should have all the answers is stupid and completely asinine. There are things that I can do better than others, but knowing things is just something I've never been good at. It's not the sharp strategic thinking that I'm good at, but the impulsive decision-making skills of a savant that put me up over the heard.

     Do I wish that things were different? Yeah, of course. There's only so far that having conversations around sports, girls, and sex will take you.

      But the thing is that I don't know how to have any other kind of interaction with anyone. I used to. When things weren't so complicated I used to have things figured out to a tee. When stars were still achievable specks in the sky it seemed like there was nothing that could stop me. The brutal reality is that I'm not superman. No one is. We are all fallible in our own ways, and for me it just seemed like the biggest insecurity I could ever hold was my inability to have a real conversation with anyone.

     And there was something about Garth. Something behind his cold, unmoving eyes said that he understood. In what felt like one brief acquaintance, we had both learned so much about each other. Two boys, both closed off to the world around them, come together.

     As much as I would have loved to have question him on his vague directions, I didn't mind. I didn't mind because the nights where I could just drive off into the random nooks and crevices of our town were the ones I lived for most. Driving was more than just a hobby for me; it was a chance to forget about the mistakes I had made, and the mistakes I would come to make over the years. Driving required focus. If I didn't focus, then I didn't need to think about all the things that would normally eclipse my head.

     Through another side-street, the car remained blissfully quiet. The sly glances from Garth made it all the more obvious that he was trying to suss me out.

     I gripped a little tighter onto the steering wheel, taking the next turn with more certainty than necessary. "Twenty Questions?" I finally asked.

     "Huh?" He looked across, almost twice as disshelved as he had been in the school parking lot, if that was even possible. His expression was momentarily stunned, caught off guard by the thought of someone trying to get inside. Not that people like us wanted people in our heads. Most of the time it was just better to keep everyone at an arms distance.

     Sabrina. Teachers. Dad.

     Mom.

     "Twenty questions, I get twenty, you get twenty," I said, momentarily turning to face him before eyeing the road again. "We can ask anything we want, we get single pass, we find out a little more."

     Garth turned away instinctively. Hesitation painted his entire body. "No," he said with words made of steel. "The less you know about me the better."

     Not really the answer I was hoping for.

     The more I started to understand Garth, the more he tightened his defenses. Not that I could necessarily blame him for doing so. I hardly knew the kid. What I had picked up so far as only from what he was willing to show.

     And yet somehow it felt as if I knew him better than he knew himself.

     "What's your favorite band?" I asked, practically ignoring his hesitance. There were just some lines that needed to be crossed.

     But instead of turning to face me with complete disgust, he faced me with a cocked brow and a slight pained smile painting his face. Without hesitation, he faced forward, head bowing down ever so slightly. Shoulders hunching forward, I became slightly worried for him.

     He took a moment to think about it; though whether he was thinking about his answer, or whether or not he should answer, I don't know. "Soundgarden." His response was meek, as if afraid that I would judge him for what he had said. As big as his ego might have been, it just felt like a front for everything that he was trying to hide from the world.

     "Really," I replied, turning the car up an avenue of pristine looking houses. "I was not expecting that."

     "What were you expecting?"

     A smirk crawled onto my face. "That's one."

     Garth quickly struck a defensive pose. His entire attitude slumped in one moment, making him reminiscent of a toddler who'd just been told no.

     "That clearly doesn't count." With arms folded across chest, he collapsed back into his seat, paying no mind to the scenery that surrounded us.

     "It totally does. You just wasted a good shot."

     Rolling his eyes, he managed to pipe back, "well then, are you going to answer it or not." Clearly he was not one for fighting losing battles. I would have to remember that.

     "I dunno, I suppose I expected something pretentious," I spoke back. "Something like 'The Smiths' I guess."

     "Is that how you see me?"

     "Honestly?" I paused on the road for a moment, turning to face him with the widest grin I could muster. "Yes." Turning my focus back onto the road, a destination struck me. "That's two questions down by the way."

     "Oh fuck you."

     And for the first time that day, I actually seen a genuine smile. It was something I could get used to seeing.