Broken Edge (Cricky)

Prove It

(Ricky's Point of View)

Three days.

It has been three days since Chris discovered Travon's mutilated body, and three days since Chris has spoken to anyone. We were on our way to our next stop for the tour, and Chris just sits in his bunk and sleeps. He wakes up every few hours screaming and sweating, and then lies awake for countless hours more. He won't speak to me though, he won't speak to anyone. I don't understand, and the fact that I don't understand stresses me out. My wrists know very well what stress does to me.

I've starting cutting vertically up my arm, I haven't got deep enough yet though. I'm trying not too. I want to get better for Chris' sake.

God knows he doesn't need to lose anyone else.

"Agh! Agh! No!" Chris' screaming snapped me out of my daze and I shifted around in my bunk. I heard a loud thump as he hit his head on the bunk above him.

"Chris?" I turned and switched the light in my bunk on. I didn't expect an answer of course, and I didn't get one. Instead, Chris got out of his bunk and crawled into mine, burying his head in the crook of my neck as if he were hiding from something. I forced a half smile, but it faded as his legs brushed against mine and I felt the rough cuts made on his upper thighs. Chris whimpered as he tried to force back tears. I put my arms around the larger male and held him against me in a hopeless attempt to protect him from the thing that was slowly killing him; his own mind.

What does this make us? If only I knew.

"R-Ricky?" Chris' sad voice whispered against my neck. My heart started racing. He spoke to me.

"Yes?" I responded gently, running the palm of my hand over his cheek.

"Do you...still have nightmares?" He pulled back from my neck and laid his head beside my own, my arms still around him.

"Yeah, but they're not as bad." I lied. My nightmares had actually gotten worse. I couldn't help but think about Chris hurting himself, or killing himself, so my mind haunted me with the 'what if's and they've not disabled my ability to get the right amount of sleep.

"You're always up though." Chris sighed, I could tell by his voice that he was beginning to fall asleep.
"Don't lie to me." He mumbled right before falling asleep. Part of me was sad that he had fallen asleep already, because that meant that our short conversation was over. I wished he would have kept talking to me, because if he kept talking then maybe I could tell if he was feeling better.

"No...help..." Chris mumbled in his sleep, shifting around a bit. I flicked the light in my bunk off and sighed, trying to fall asleep.
"My...heart hurts." He whispered, it didn't sound like he was sleeping, but I don't think he's awake either. Ignoring his whisper, I turned and fell asleep being absorbed into my own nightmares.

~Morning~

My eyes fluttered open, we were still on the road of course. Chris wasn't laying beside me, instead he was digging around for something on his own bunk.

"What are you looking for?" I asked as I slipped out of my bunk and fixed my sleeves, making sure they were hiding my cut up arms. Chris shook his head, not verbally answering me. Great. He's gone silent again. He looked over his shoulder at me and shuffled out of the room, holding a change of clothes in his hand.

Showering won't wash the memories away, Chris. I've tried.

(Chris' Point of View)

I stepped into the bathroom, dropping my clothes to the floor. I heard the soft clink of metal against the floor as my razor blade slid out of the clean clothes. Turning the water on, I stepped under the water and grabbed the small, sharp piece of metal and ran it over my upper thigh. I showed my arms off too much to cut them, people would notice if I started wearing long sleeves all the time. My legs, however, were never seen. Blood washed down the drain as I made more cuts, tears running down my face as I remembered Travon's bloodied and mutilated face.

I can't fucking take this.

I held the razor blade to my throat, pressing it in. One movement and I could slice my throat open, one movement and I could end it all.

"You're better off ALIVE, not dead. If you were dead, I'd die."

I thought back to when Ricky caught me using heroin the first time, and I remembered what he had been telling me. My eyes teared up and I threw the razor blade.

"Dammit!" I shouted, putting my face in my hands and groaning angrily. I can think of a thousand ways to die, and a thousand ways to kill myself, but I can't go through with it.

Fuck you, Ricky. I can't do this because I can't leave you. I'd be sentencing you to death if I committed suicide, and I'm not a murderer.

I looked down, my legs had stopped bleeding so I turned the water off and dried myself off.

"Hurry up!" Ricky called from outside as I got dressed. I opened the door after I was done and walked out, Ricky getting in after me. I felt as if I were forgetting something.

(Ricky's Point of View)

I undressed and turned the shower on, instantly noticing the razor blade that was halfway sticking out of the drain. I grabbed it and looked at the sharp piece of metal, knowing where it came from.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" I whispered as I got in the shower, looking down at my arms.

I can't say very much about him self harming, I do the same fucking thing.

After the shower I got out, realizing I forgot my change of clothes. I was going to have to somehow hide my arms as I got dressed in the bunks. I slipped out, both arms pressed against my body as if I were just trying to hold the towel up.

I peeked into the bunks, they were empty. I dropped the towel and began digging for clothes when I felt two arms around me.

"Why? Why do you do this to yourself?" Chris' voice traveled down my neck, raising goosebumps on my flesh and making me shiver. His hands caressed my arms.

"Because of you. I love you, but...but you don't feel the same." I choked out, trying not to get aroused. Being so close to him while being completely naked...it made my mind go to very dirty places.

"I do love you, but I don't want to lose you." Chris replied, turning me around to face him. Staring into those golden brown eyes...I could see his soul. All of his pain, his love, his lust...I could see it all through those gorgeous orbs.

"You won't. What happened a few days ago...that...that's so rare. I'm not going to leave your side, I promise." I looked at Chris, realizing that I was aroused. I couldn't control it anymore.
"You're my world. You're my sun, my moon, my stars. You're my everything." I put my arms around him.

"Prove it."

(A/N: How can he prove his love for Chris? I want to hear your ideas.)