No Homo

Scissors and Thoughts

Heeeey so here's a sucky update for a sucky fanfic (or Phanfic). My writing is horrible so idk how this is getting reads. Anyway enjoy as much as you can! xoxx
**TRIGGER WARNINGG**

Phil's POV

We're in the middle of videotaping our first video of playing Dragon City and we just leveled up and I spot a pair of scissors. I pick it up and stare at the blades snapping them and imagining them gliding against my wrist making the red liquid appear. I continue to snap them getting lost in the noise and motion and dark thoughts that consume my mind 24/7. I catch Dan's glare and can't help but feel my stomach flip. He's gonna be mad, he's gonna yell at you, my mind races.
"One, where did you get the scissors from?" he says sternly making me feel small but that doesn't stop me from snapping them still and staring at the hypnotic blades smashing together. He quickly recovers for the sakes of the video "Two why are you snapping them in my face?" I feel bad now, feeling like I'm disappointing Dan but I can't let the fans see that so I continue faking a smile and mute out "I'm just excited"

~

We finished recording the video and Dan told me to go to my room while he edits it so here I am, in my bed under my covers wearing my moon sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. Between you and me, I snuck the scissors and did a thing.. if you catch my drift.
I hear my door creak open making me look up. I see Dan in my doorway and he slowly walks in shutting my door behind him.
"Where are the scissors?" he asks and I shrug. He can't know. He shakes his head slowly and looks away then back at me, he looks.. destroyed. Why am I so stupid? God I fuck everything up. I finally am dating him, finally got my first boyfriend who is literally perfect in every way, and here I am. Fucking everything up. Like usual. His eyes stare into mine and he lifts up my covers and crawls under with me. He pulls me close to his body and I want to smile at how warm he is and how I love it when he holds me but this feeling in my gut won't allow me. He wraps his arms around my waist with one hand and other plays with my hair with the other.
"I know you did it" he whispers making my heart sink. I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I. Fucked. Up.
I feel tears fill my eyes. He's going to break up with you. I feel a panic attack creeping up on me and I feel my breath getting heavier and heavier with each gasp of breath. He quickly pulls me closer and I see his eyes get a bit big at my panicking.
"Nonono, don't cry. We're not breaking up or anything. Just let me see ok?" he says rubbing my back softly. I nod and sit up slowly and he follows suit. I lift up my sleeve and watch his face change to that destroyed expression again.
"No more" he says "No more cutting. If it means I have to sleep with you every night, shower with you, be with you 24/7 I'll do it." he finishes and I nod in agreement. "OK" I mumble and look up at him "I wouldn't mind that" I finish and blush a bit thinking about showering with Dan.

~

I wake up and see the clock on my nightstand, 12:00 AM. I internally groan and roll over wanting to sleep but am failing horribly. I sit up pouting realizing I'm not gonna sleep anytime soon. I pull my phone off my charger and unlock it deciding to tweet to kill some time. What a vulgar idiom, I think to myself.
'I can't sleep😴, send me random facts and/or emojis?!' tweet.
The comments come flooding in but one catches my eye, Dan commented.
'🐶🐺🐕, fact about Dan: he wants a dog!'
I giggle to myself and favorite it. I hear footsteps approach my door. Dan walks in and lays next to me.
"Can't sleep either?" he asks while I lock my phone and move closer to him.
"I did sleep but woke up and now I can't fall back asleep" I explain and see him smile showing off his dimple. He wraps his arms around me and I do the same as I bury my face in his neck. "You smell yummy" I mumble making him laugh as the butterflies swirl around my stomach.
"Thanks" he says and pecks my lips making me do my famous squeal and hide my face as he pulls back. I hear him laugh again and feel him plant more kisses all around my face making me blush insanely. I start to giggle as he pecks my lips as we both start laughing with my tongue poking out making it impossible for him to actually kiss me. He pulls back still laughing and we just lay there cuddling each other and I can't imagine being anywhere else.

Sorry for the sucky chapter guys but hope you enjoyed!🎀
Happy August by the waaay💙