Super Duper Short, Short Stories

Having Cereal Under a Chandelier.

The whole family was there, at the funeral. Even Dog, the family dog had parted from his beloved kennel to attend the somber event.

It was the funeral of a respected army commander, Major Saviour. It was a rather unexpected death as Commander Major Saviour had once been lost at sea after a shipwreck and found his way ashore with only an oar and a plank of wood, remnants from the ship that wrecked. He was that tough.

Friends and family members made their way solemnly to his then-opened casket, so that they could view his body for the last time. His arms we folded, his eyes were closed. He looked as if he were just asleep, ready to awake any moment now, except for the awkward position of his arms, which were not befitting for a sleeping person.

The service proceeded well, with Major’s wife giving the eulogy and friends sharing happy memories they had with Major Saviour. Then someone sneezed. Heads turned toward the disrespecting individual. He shrugged and apologized.

An apology however, was not enough for Major’s brother, Mass Saviour. ‘This clown needs to be taught a lesson’, he thought as he clenched his fist. Remembering that the service was still ongoing, he braced himself. He intended to get his brother justice and rearrange the rude dude’s teeth but that thought would have to queue for now.

What Mass did not know was that the rude dude was just creating a distraction to cover up for his friend. You see, his friend was the nephew of the recently deceased commander. He was sad but held in all his tears. The tears needed a place to exit and therefore was directed by his bloodstream to the well known bladder to do the job.

He had urgently needed to wee wee and picked a light green bush as victim. Someone was bound to notice if he had just left from the front row. Lucky for him his friend at the back was a telepath and read his mind. With that one sneeze, Major’s nephew grabbed the opportunity went to the bush, pulled down his trousers, emptied his bladder, pulled up his trousers and went back to be with his family.

Everyone was too distracted by that sneeze that they did not notice his short absence.

After the procession, everyone went back home.

May Saviour and her children were a mess from crying. Her husband; their father, had died and they just witnessed his burial . They sat on the sofa and mourned. It was only then when Yu, the youngest child heart her stomach grumble loudly that the family’s mood began to lighten. Thirty minutes later, they were munching on seaweed and talking about their father.

It was a freak accident that had caused his death. No, not a road accident. This was what had happened on the morning of June 10:

Major Saviour got out of bed at precisely seven am. He was off duty today and planned on spending time with his family. He headed to his study to practice his romance in the mirror. As a married man, he believed that his romance skills needed to be in tip top condition for his wife. After an hour, he decided to do the crossword puzzle that was featured on that day’s newspaper.

Using a pencil, he scribbled down his answers to later have them rewritten in pen. After much reference to the dictionary, he managed to solve the puzzle.

Using his black pen, he wrote down the answers that he had decided on. To his dismay, his pen was out of ink. He took a deep breath and exhaled to release whatever frustration he had. He had spent an hour and a half of his life doing the crossword and he now had nothing to show for it! Nothing that wasn’t erasable that was to say.  He calmed down and felt the need to eat breakfast. It was 9.45am and his family would have been seated there already. He made his way to the dining table.

Since he was the last to be seated, the milk and cereal had already been finished, primarily by his growing children. The maid would have to get him his bowl of cereal from the kitchen. Unfortunately for him, it was that very morning that the maid had decided to do her nails. As her nails were in the process of drying and was still a tad bit wet, a small amount of nail varnish made its way into her employer’s meal.

No one at that time knew that she had used a magical nail varnish which only hazard was that if a person who ate cereal under a chandelier somehow had consumed the liquid no matter how mediocre, that person would die instantly. Her nail varnish wasn’t even flammable!!

She served Commander Major Saviour his last meal. He was coincidentally sitting under a chandelier.

He had eaten his cereal which had been contaminated by nail varnish under a chandelier.

A spoonful was all it took.

His head ended up in his food bowl and his body was slumped.

He died.

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Er.. I know it sounds a little weird. But you know how sometimes you get a bunch of words and you have to form a story with them? Well I did that for myself. :D I got a bunch of words and this was how I fared.

Today's the last day of my holidays. :( I'm so sad, boo hoo..

Tomorrow's back to school for me.

You all know the drill. :) Vote and comment or even fan if you liked my story!

P/S: What do you think about two dudes who nibble each other's beards for fun?

Have a nice day!

Thanks for reading!

<3 E