99 Days Without You

Days Four and Five

Day Four:

I found your note that day. The familiar sight of your handwriting drove me to tears. I couldn’t find myself to share it with anyone.

Anne visited me that day. I think it was Wednesday, but I really didn’t know. I couldn’t find myself to care. Usually we would be at rehearsals, but the news had already been leaked to the press, and spread all over Twitter. I refused to go online, or watch TV. The only things that played were predictions on why you had done it, but I knew why, so I didn’t want to hear about others theories. Our fans miss you. I’ve had multiple come up to me while I was walking the streets, crying their eyes out and hugging me, apologizing for my loss. They say that you were amazing, and an amazing person, that you didn’t deserve to go so young. I agree with them. Why did you leave? Well, I know why. But I just can’t wrap my head around it. I ended up showing your mother the note. I know you meant it to reach my eyes, and my eyes only, but I felt she had a right to know. She cried, Haz. She cried a lot. I feel as though I’m the one to blame for all of this, and the weight on my shoulders just keeps growing.

Day Five:

We finally began arranging your funeral that day. I don’t know if it was a bit too early to arrange or a bit too late, but all I know is that nobody wanted to do it. Nobody wanted to accept the fact that you were really gone.