99 Days Without You

Harry's Letter

Dear Lou,

At first I was going to write something short and quick, getting straight to the point, you know? Well, that plan basically failed, because there are so many things I want to tell you. There are so many things that I have left unsaid and this is my last chance to say them. I realize that by the time you get this you probably will have already found me, and you’re probably sitting alone in the flat at this moment.

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.

I don’t want to leave you, I really don’t. How does one just get up and leave the person that they are completely in love with? Yes Louis, you read correctly. I love you, you idiot. I’ve loved you for so long and it has slowly been eating away at me, tearing me apart from the seams until now I am just an empty shell burning with a passion for somebody who is completely oblivious. It’s not your fault though. God Lou, don’t you ever blame yourself. You were the reason I stayed for so long. You gave me hope for a brighter future, but a glimmer of hope can only last so long before it completely disappears, and soon enough I was left in the darkness.

I don’t want to say my goodbyes yet, though I bet you’ve already bid your farewell to me. I’m not ready to end this note. You need to know how much I love you.

Do you know what I love about you the most Louis? Well, I absolutely love your laugh. I think that’s what I may miss the most in this path I’m heading. I won’t be able to hear your ringing voice anymore, or see the light twinkle inside your eyes as you burst into laughter. I’m not sure I’ll be able to see or hear anything.

I need you to promise me one thing, okay? I want you to promise me to never stop singing, and never leave the boys. They’re going to need you, and you’re going to need them. I know it’ll be hard to go on as a band, but I know you can do it. You’re strong enough Lou, you’ve always been strong to me. I feel completely selfish, leaving you lot, and I sincerely apologize for the pain I will—or have already caused you.Tell the boys I love them too, alright?

Anyways, back to business.

Another thing I love about you is your ability to turn any situation into a positive one. It could be the dreariest day on Earth, and I would still be able to see your smile glimmering against the gray atmosphere of the outside world. God I love your smile, please keep smiling? I remember one time in Italy, we were at a restaurant and there was this short little blond lady—I bet you’re thinking of the memory right now, aren’t you? She walked up to our table with the worst scowl on her face, looking absolutely pissed off that she had to serve us five loud, obnoxious boys. When she arrived at the table, you turned to look at her with your winning smile, and it was almost as if her frown melted right off. You have that much of an effect on people, Lou. I’ve always loved how much of a people person you are. I sure know that whenever I was ever feeling down, you were the first person I went to. You always knew how to make everything better, and I would leave you with the brightest grin on my face. You wouldn’t leave me be until I was truthfully happy again. That’s another thing I love: your persistence.

I’m going to miss everything about you, you know. The slight stubble on the tip of your chin when you go a couple days without shaving, the way your hair splays in various directions in the morning—giving you awful bedhead. But I love it nonetheless, because it’s a part of you, and every part of you deserves to be loved. I miss the old days, where you and I would just muck around in the flat, watching movies or simply cuddling on the couch, talking about everything and nothing. You’re my best friend, you know that right?

This note is completely all over the place, and I’m sorry. My brain is just isn’t functioning right now, probably because of how completely frightened I am. I’m so scared Lou, and I just wish I could run to you right now, telling you everything. I wish I could run to you and you would tell me the words I ache to hear come from your mouth. I want you to tell me to not do this, and not leave you behind. But I can’t do that to you. I can’t put the burden on your shoulders. I know if you knew, you would do everything to keep me here, but I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.